(no subject)
Hi there LJ.
It's been awhile.
My holiday season went like this, Work Wednesday, work Thursday, Alice left Thursday night, work Christmas eve, Christmas day alone, work Boxing day, work Monday, work Tuesday, work Wednesday, Alice gets back, Thursday off, Friday off, Alice leaves. New Years eve alone also.
I haven't really done anything for New Years except hang out with my parents or my current girlfriend since I was 18, but this is probably the worst so far. Oh yeah, I'm working New Years day. I'm not that upset about the work, the pay will be nice, but y'know, it's made harder by the fact that everybody you see on the street is so happy and on holiday, and even the other people at work with me tomorrow haven't worked all 3 of those holidays. I'm just burnt out, to be honest. On days I'm working, I count the hours, on days I'm not working, I feel as though I should be, or time goes by so fast because I'm wasting it on a videogame I barely notice it. I don't understand where people have all of the time for self-improvement, or the drive to achieve things in their off time. In that regard, I suppose nothing has changed, I still haven't discovered this 'drive', I still want to get in shape, I still want to get my dream off of the ground, but I feel so bewildered by it all.
I'm beginning to wish people read this, I know there isn't anything substantial or compelling about the whining and problems of a 22 year old, but I wish I had insight into how others felt, and perhaps if people had an insight into how I felt.
On another note, University is no longer an issue, I've been 'suspended' from enrolling until 2013, and am no longer eligible for student loan under a new law, so until I'm 25, which is also 2013, well, 2014 because I wouldn't turn 25 until the end of the year, I wouldn't be able to afford it anyway. Fortunately at that point I get some what of a clean state, and am eligible for allowance which does not have to be paid back to the government, and is also more money. So I will remain resolute, that in 2014, as a 25 year old, I will re-enrol into university. In some ways this is a good thing. At this point, I don't know what the next 3-4 years will bring, where I'll be working, what I'll have experienced, if my 'dream' will work out, what I do know, is that I have to remain optimistic. No more easy way out. It feels like one of those situations where faith carries you through, instead I'll have to arm myself with hope to fight off the adversity.
On a final hypothetical note, however, if I was 16 again, there is so much I would change. There is also so much I wouldn't.
Ah, actually. Family tragedies aside, I'm yet to encounter any issue in life in which money wouldn't fix it all. Is this true? Or have I simply never had enough to understand that life does not get easier when your bank balance gets larger?
It's been awhile.
My holiday season went like this, Work Wednesday, work Thursday, Alice left Thursday night, work Christmas eve, Christmas day alone, work Boxing day, work Monday, work Tuesday, work Wednesday, Alice gets back, Thursday off, Friday off, Alice leaves. New Years eve alone also.
I haven't really done anything for New Years except hang out with my parents or my current girlfriend since I was 18, but this is probably the worst so far. Oh yeah, I'm working New Years day. I'm not that upset about the work, the pay will be nice, but y'know, it's made harder by the fact that everybody you see on the street is so happy and on holiday, and even the other people at work with me tomorrow haven't worked all 3 of those holidays. I'm just burnt out, to be honest. On days I'm working, I count the hours, on days I'm not working, I feel as though I should be, or time goes by so fast because I'm wasting it on a videogame I barely notice it. I don't understand where people have all of the time for self-improvement, or the drive to achieve things in their off time. In that regard, I suppose nothing has changed, I still haven't discovered this 'drive', I still want to get in shape, I still want to get my dream off of the ground, but I feel so bewildered by it all.
I'm beginning to wish people read this, I know there isn't anything substantial or compelling about the whining and problems of a 22 year old, but I wish I had insight into how others felt, and perhaps if people had an insight into how I felt.
On another note, University is no longer an issue, I've been 'suspended' from enrolling until 2013, and am no longer eligible for student loan under a new law, so until I'm 25, which is also 2013, well, 2014 because I wouldn't turn 25 until the end of the year, I wouldn't be able to afford it anyway. Fortunately at that point I get some what of a clean state, and am eligible for allowance which does not have to be paid back to the government, and is also more money. So I will remain resolute, that in 2014, as a 25 year old, I will re-enrol into university. In some ways this is a good thing. At this point, I don't know what the next 3-4 years will bring, where I'll be working, what I'll have experienced, if my 'dream' will work out, what I do know, is that I have to remain optimistic. No more easy way out. It feels like one of those situations where faith carries you through, instead I'll have to arm myself with hope to fight off the adversity.
On a final hypothetical note, however, if I was 16 again, there is so much I would change. There is also so much I wouldn't.
Ah, actually. Family tragedies aside, I'm yet to encounter any issue in life in which money wouldn't fix it all. Is this true? Or have I simply never had enough to understand that life does not get easier when your bank balance gets larger?