Work Update
Omfg I just became a closer like a week ago and now this, wtf.
TL;DR I basically got two managers working on my promotion when I mentioned being promoted IN THE FUTURE, NOT FUCKING NOW and now I'm freaking out.
( If you wanna read my freakout )
TL;DR I basically got two managers working on my promotion when I mentioned being promoted IN THE FUTURE, NOT FUCKING NOW and now I'm freaking out.
( If you wanna read my freakout )
you say barney's calm. really? we haven't seen him fly off the handle? beat the shit out of not on ly things but actual people? yell and swear, even at friends? I'm sure we did see it. and if not.. then I sure as fuck 'saw' him doing that in my mind, which I reckon is from reading his eyes in those moments before he locked it down.
and I'm positive Lee would be dead quiet if HE was the figure in charge being looked up to. leaders still feel anger and helpless and like crying and swearing and kicking. it's just slaming an actor's mask on it.
even though you know you are all going to die, YOU have to keep everyone CALM so that a few have a chance to survive. or at least the people you are responsible for don't have panic as their last memory. there is no one else. honour forces you do whatever the fuck is necessary.
I can psychoanalyze the shit out of myself and tell you how much I suck at dealing with things in a healthy way and I can tell you why. But I can't fucking tell you how to fix it.Is that okay? Or no?
this is only my take of course. if a tree falls in hte forest and nobody sees or hears, it didn't happen. only what someone sees or hears (including tear-bruised eyes afte the fact) counts. no one expects yu to be vulcan *without* emotions (and when they're honest, even THEY admit to HAVING emotions. they just suppress them).
Can I have permission to make hot tea/coffee whenever cause that shit calms me down.
that seems pretty damn reasonable. considering your relationship with him, I'd outright ask him.
people will probably eventually notice that whenever you start to have an edge to your voice, suddenly you're at that machine and it'll be one of those things people smile about their crew chief 'uho, someone pissed her off. wasn't *you* was it? we better be nice for a bit..'. but it'll be in a good way, cause that edge is hte worse they see and they know it; they trust you, they're confident that you are a god leader, even if you happen to have a temper. hell, they might notice that when you get angry it's because you want things to be *better* for them. you are on their side even when angry.
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movie-wise? not that I recall...but fic-wise, definitely a lot of shaky thoughts, unsteady steps and a crumbling facade...but still, takes a lot for him to get there.
no one expects yu to be vulcan *without* emotions (and when they're honest, even THEY admit to HAVING emotions. they just suppress them).
point, they just expect the suppression. Which I suppose I is...reasonable. A friend asked me to help keep him on the straight and narrow, he wants to move up as well, watching him it's easy to point out the shit you should not be showing...moodiness for example
because you want things to be *better* for them. you are on their side even when angry.
I'm hoping they're getting that now. I can generally get most of them to listen to me even without the promotion yet. And the one...manager tried to slam him with the 'didn't do your work' shit, make him stay past the time he's supposed to be off. I manager to shut that down. They definitely don't make it easy to advocate for them though when they want to run around like fucking morons. Pack of five year olds, I swear.
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some decades mean some major life changes. and the decades before that affect it too. hell, he might have grown up in a repressive household where he got beat for being a normal emotional child.. change you in a hurry. or had a ton of tragedy, dull your emotions.
I don't got that kind of poker face,
spent a lot of time practicing? trying? I mean *really*? deliberately and with thought tried to wipe your face to a mask? and maintain it? not just a vague 'ugh, I should' thought in hte morning. every single time you stop and don't have something to focus on, check your face. try to remind yourself all through the day, every 15 minutes. how's my face?
and don't for fuck's sake give yurself shit when you 'fail'. just stop and wipe it and continue.
you don't learn kickboxing by going to a few classes. don't lose weight or get in shape going to gym for january. it takes months and years to change yourself.
he really had no fucking idea. I don't think he totally acknowledges it either. Just admits to being in a shitty mood
-taps yuor forehead-
so.. got to GM.. and still hasn't got that poker face entirely pat.. go figure.. maybe you can work on this togehter.../sarcasm
yeah, starting to see this. don't think coworkers are watching so much but I know the fucking managers are
awareness. so much fun...
pretty sure I fucked up the other day (not an anger thing just a procedure thing) but also pretty sure I made up for it later.
..careful giving too much weight to their watching. pay more attention to yourself than them. you can never be 'what htey want'. not really. not least because even THEY don't know what they want, being humans. you gotta be what *you* want to be.
not that I recall
...? seems to me he got a *little* pissed at a *few* people. maybe not screaming.. mostly, but pissed.
but yeah, takes a lot.
expect the suppression. Which I suppose I is...reasonable.
eh. aim for the stars. you might not get htere, but at least you won't shoot your foot off.
it's easy to point out the shit you should not be showing...moodiness for example
well, yeah. cause you're not *feeling* the moodiness. lol, first thing moodiness does is disable your ability to notice you're changing (long before you change enough to be noticed). so by the time someone sees and mentions, or it's so bad *you* notice yourself.. you're stuck deep in.
but that's where if you are actively practicing wiping your face.. it either won't matter cause you wipe everything.. or you'll notice early that you're having to put in more effort. ..not that that makes mood go away. you still can only put in hte effort to not show, by whatever means. if you have a *trusted* friend, you could set up a buddy-check. if they see you starting to show, have a signal for you.
I'm hoping they're getting that now.
eh. tell that to good politicians and all the hate they get...
They definitely don't make it easy to advocate for them though when they want to run around like fucking morons. Pack of five year olds, I swear.
yup. good luck.. better you than me.
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