Just when you think life can't get any better....it manages to fall completely apart...
I probably shouldn't be writing in here. I should just stop thinking so much altogether but for some reason I cannot bring myself to stop my fingers from letting it all out.
I'm here in Florida trying desperately to have the time of my life for the last few days of my summer, and nothing that I seem to do satisfies me.
My parents told me that once we were on vacation we would all be a little less stressed. They said they would have more time to spend with us kids before they moved and left me for Florida. Well fuck that, this whole fucking vacation has been about them buying their beloved dreamhouse and getting new jobs/ new lives. It's ridiculously ironic that meanwhile all of this shit is going down in New Orleans when the only thing that people have to cling to IS their family. Thats the way life is supposed to be lived. Not about the amount of money you have, the newest computer you can afford or the number of places you have visited in the world. It should be about living life every day to the fullest, whether it scares the shit out of you or not. One thing that I learned this summer was to not be afraid. And I can honestly say that Tristen taught me to do so. Sure he can be stubborn and egotistical but in the end he can say that he took a chance and was HONEST. Thats a lot more than any other person I know can admit to. He can tell someone he loves them chancing it that they aren't going to say it back....but he doesn't need words to know what they are thinking. I wish I had that power.
I'm ready to go back to school. This entire summer I have depended on boys and people I don't really know that well to guide me thru my hard times,and tho they weren't always the easiest to rely on... noone being around right now is really starting to suck balls. All my grandparents can ever say is " Time will tell..." well fuck that I need more than those three words to help me understand why things happen. I can't wait to get back into Van stinkle and have real people help me thru these things. I know that Krystin will be a huge help because even when shes 478947324792742 miles away I feel like she would help me in a heartbeat.
I'm just confused, especially after the few weeks before this vaca were so much fun. I thought everything was going so perfectly and then for things to fall apart again just makes it hard for me to trust that anything can go right. I don't want to fall back into depression again and I can already see my sleeping patterns taking that turn.
Sorry this isn't making any sense right now I just have so much on my mind and not enough time to make it all flow together as it should be. I just want to curl into a ball and fall asleep together. I hate this feeling of uncertainty about everything around me. I don't know why everytime I think things are going well someone has to pop up into my life and ruin it all. I suppose thats extremely selfish of me, but ehh fuck it, everyone else around me can be selfish I might as well be too.
Well, on that note, I only have a few more days left here, and I suppose I should try to make the best of it.
At least I'm tan.
Peace out and wet towels.
<3
I'm here in Florida trying desperately to have the time of my life for the last few days of my summer, and nothing that I seem to do satisfies me.
My parents told me that once we were on vacation we would all be a little less stressed. They said they would have more time to spend with us kids before they moved and left me for Florida. Well fuck that, this whole fucking vacation has been about them buying their beloved dreamhouse and getting new jobs/ new lives. It's ridiculously ironic that meanwhile all of this shit is going down in New Orleans when the only thing that people have to cling to IS their family. Thats the way life is supposed to be lived. Not about the amount of money you have, the newest computer you can afford or the number of places you have visited in the world. It should be about living life every day to the fullest, whether it scares the shit out of you or not. One thing that I learned this summer was to not be afraid. And I can honestly say that Tristen taught me to do so. Sure he can be stubborn and egotistical but in the end he can say that he took a chance and was HONEST. Thats a lot more than any other person I know can admit to. He can tell someone he loves them chancing it that they aren't going to say it back....but he doesn't need words to know what they are thinking. I wish I had that power.
I'm ready to go back to school. This entire summer I have depended on boys and people I don't really know that well to guide me thru my hard times,and tho they weren't always the easiest to rely on... noone being around right now is really starting to suck balls. All my grandparents can ever say is " Time will tell..." well fuck that I need more than those three words to help me understand why things happen. I can't wait to get back into Van stinkle and have real people help me thru these things. I know that Krystin will be a huge help because even when shes 478947324792742 miles away I feel like she would help me in a heartbeat.
I'm just confused, especially after the few weeks before this vaca were so much fun. I thought everything was going so perfectly and then for things to fall apart again just makes it hard for me to trust that anything can go right. I don't want to fall back into depression again and I can already see my sleeping patterns taking that turn.
Sorry this isn't making any sense right now I just have so much on my mind and not enough time to make it all flow together as it should be. I just want to curl into a ball and fall asleep together. I hate this feeling of uncertainty about everything around me. I don't know why everytime I think things are going well someone has to pop up into my life and ruin it all. I suppose thats extremely selfish of me, but ehh fuck it, everyone else around me can be selfish I might as well be too.
Well, on that note, I only have a few more days left here, and I suppose I should try to make the best of it.
At least I'm tan.
Peace out and wet towels.
<3