(no subject)
2012 is shaping up to be a shitty follow up to 2011. amongst other things, I just found out today that my job that I love so very much? the only job I've consistently enjoyed ever in my life? i no longer have it after mid-may, as the owner's husband just accepted a very good job offer out of state. he goes in 4 weeks, she stays until their youngest finishes his current semester at the local community college. she's going to start trying to sell the shop in a few weeks time. so, yay, going to be looking for work again. except, with blue's health failing, I'm probably going to have to hold off. the pie shop is really lenient with times I can be there because of my senile and highly anxious puppy. I cut back to 6 hours a day so he's never alone for too long, but it has to be a set schedule because otherwise the separation anxiety kicks in to hyper drive. ugh. just, UGH. I don't want to have to find a new job. I don't want to have to find a new boss. I just don't want any of what's going on in my life right now. I'm a very angry person on the inside and I think it's bringing back my ulcers. it's definitely why I've had insomnia for months and months and months. I seriously cannot remember the last time I slept for more than 2 hours straight, or got more than 6 hours total in a night. 6 being a luxury, more like 4 or 5. maybe a year or more? so yeah, I feel decidedly not fabulous. I should be cleaning the house but I think I may open a bottle of wine and play a video game. all of this on top of the health shit that I have a ton of paper gathering to get to the next step that I'm avoiding because the next step is surgery probably and I was brought up to believe I'm a hypochondriac so I'm relatively sure I'll go through all of this to have them say "huh, well, not endo. good luck sorting out what it actually is." anyway this on top of that and I just feel angry. which is not helping. maybe I SHOULD start going to the gym do I can go be aggressive and at least have the positive outcome of a non droopy ass.