(no subject)
landed myself in the ER last night, like many times before. for several weeks i've been having pain in my abdomen that slowly got worse as time went on. as usual, i ignored it. its true, i neglect my health, but if the average person dealt with the constant onslaught of doctors, medication, and the health care system in general as often as i have to on daily basis, they'd quickly understand how much the urge to be "healthy and normal" again will push you to avoid seeing more doctors and pushing off other health concerns to do so. in this case, the pain was getting overwhelming, to the point it was keeping me up at night. even laughing easily put the pain level at 8 on the doctors"from 1 to 10, how much does it hurt" scale. so, hesitantly, i made an appointment with my pcp.
my pcp...while good at what she does, is a very harsh woman. i've seen the "cut and dry" right to the point tactic in doctors before, but she can be downright mean at times. long story short, see said im a bad, neglectful human being, and that i needed to be in an ER. that it was serious. so thats what i did. it took hours. they jabbed me with 2 needles, took nearly all of my blood, pumped me full of pain meds, took a CAT scan of my pelvis. and then i waited.
the doctor came back, and he was very solemn. they found a growth on my left ovary. a big one. about 6 inches across in fact. while they were almost certain its more than likely not malignant, it will have to come out. its just up to me to take the next steps. decide when and where, find a surgeon that i trust i guess... while a part of me wants to just crawl back into my "medical free zone" i know that in this case i cant. i have to be on top of this one. its just a lot to think about, and a lot to wrap my head around...