fanfiction - another world: epilogue
Title: Another World (06/06)
Author: dark_hyde
Rating: PG13
Summary: Gackt and YFC are about to set out on their first tour through America when something unexpected happens, threatening their plans to falter.
Notes: I am sorry for being late with this, but the story is finally complete. Thank you to everyone who read and commented on it. I appreciate it a lot. :)
„Hyde, I’d like to rerelease MOON CHILD on Blu-ray."
"Uhm… why’s that?"
"In remembrance of Sho…"
"In remembrance of… Sho?"
"I mean… to celebrate the movie’s anniversary. It’s been ten years, Hyde."
"I know, but… have you ever seen a film being rereleased simply because it’s its anniversary? It seems, uhm, unnecessary… , I think."
Upon seeing his friend’s sad expression, Hyde swiftly added, "But we can do it anyway. It’s fine, of course."
Gackt momentarily averted his eyes before looking back at Hyde.
"There’s a reason for why I want to do it. I want to remind people of… the movie’s existence, let them know that this story is one that is really important to me. Even now. Especially now. I feel that some things about the movie, about its… characters were left unsaid, and I want to take this opportunity to say them. I’d like the both of us to be interviewed again, after these ten years, and add it to the content of the Blu-ray. So that we get to say the things we should’ve said ten years ago."
The words spoken and the silent tears rolling down Gackt’s face left Hyde speechless. He could strongly feel that something about that damn movie was seriously troubling Gackt now after all these years. But no matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t relate. He didn’t understand.
"Uh, Gacchan… if the rerelease of MOON CHILD is that important to you, I won’t say no, but… you need to be aware that you’re probably the only one of the movie’s cast that feels this way. I mean… I don’t feel like I have anything to say about the movie that I should’ve said ten years ago, …you know? And to be honest, I don’t get at all why you’re so upset all of a sudden. At that time… you were so confident about the project, about the message behind it, and more than anything you were confident in the way you wanted to express it. What’s the matter now, Gacchan? MOON CHILD’s story has been told. There isn’t really anything left to say, …is there?"
"It’s just… I feel so sorry… I’m so sorry."
Hyde stared at Gackt, watching as more tears flowed. The urge to stand up, walk around the table and take Gackt into his arms suddenly struck him hard. But instead of doing it, he threw his head back and laughed. There was nothing sad about Gackt acting like a six years old after all. Had it been his son, he would’ve given in to the urge of needing to give comfort at once. But Gackt was not his son, he was a grown man who more than needing a hug, more than needing anything right now, needed a push into the right direction. A firm push.
Hyde had seen Gackt getting off track before. After all, the man wasn’t perfect, and just sometimes he wasn’t as strong as he liked to make everyone, himself included, believe he was. It seemed something had thrown Gackt off his usually fiercely and steadfastly followed path. Whatever it was, Hyde didn’t know, but he would just have to push his friend back on track now.
With his laughter eventually ceasing and his hand wiping away the tears that blurred his vision, Hyde saw Gackt blankly staring back at him, a look of utter disbelief on his face. It almost made Hyde laugh out loud again. He bit his lower lip.
"Gacchan," he started, trying hard to hold back a new fit of laughter. "You need to grow up already. Getting sad about your own stories, about the fates and destinies you write yourself… Focus. If MOON CHILD was any different from what it is now, it’d be completely pointless. I don’t know why it bothers you all of a sudden. You intended the story to be this way and with that you intended the movie to be a push on the people’s backs in itself. Isn’t that right? Isn’t the movie also a part of the moon you want to be so baldy to other people? Don’t you think the character’s destinies in the movie are a sacrifice you had been willing to pay for all the real people who’ve been touched and saved by this piece of work you’ve done? You sure were willing to sacrifice your characters back then. What is the problem now?"
Closely listening to every word Hyde said, Gackt didn’t even blink and the tears dried on his skin. He swallowed hard before he started smiling sheepishly.
"You’re right. You’re right… I’m crying over movie characters. Characters I developed myself. This is stupid…"
New tears fell. Hyde frowned.
"It’s not stupid. Something seems to have really set you off."
Hyde still felt like he was talking to a child. What was Gackt holding onto so helplessly and desperately?
"So what’s the matter? Is this really about MOON CHILD, Gacchan?"
Gackt blinked his tears away, sighing heavily.
"When I was in New York earlier this year, I met this boy. I think he was Japanese, but he said he came from Taiwan. He was a stray. He was in some kind of trouble and… got us involved as well. He stayed with us for four days. Before he was killed."
Hyde wanted to say something, anything, but Gackt just kept talking.
"He was shot. It’s not even that I failed to save him, but what I can’t forgive myself for is that in the short time he was with me, I didn’t, I couldn’t give him the push on his back he would’ve needed so badly. I just can’t accept that, it goes against everything I’m living for. He just died without anyone ever having shown him a path he could’ve taken in his life."
Somehow it didn’t surprise Hyde. Somehow, it seemed like a very Gackt-like thing. Would anybody else have told him what Gackt just had, he would never have believed any of it. But it was Gackt sitting in front of him, silently mourning over the death of a kid he had barely known. Hyde never doubted him for a second. He knew Gackt would involve himself with a stray, would try to help him, would let him into his life, would actually be there when he was killed.
Gackt was that kind of a person. He was that kind of a man. No matter his status, position or fame, he always encountered a living person as a living person himself. On eye-level, with an open heart and mind, as a mere human living and fighting on this earth. Everyone was granted only one life, and more aware of that fact than anyone else probably was, Gackt lived that one life to its fullest. Without boundaries or limits.
That was why it was possible for him to happen upon a stray from Taiwan in the middle of New York and entangle their lives until the death of either one. Gackt never let go of the lives he encountered. Not on this earth.
Hyde swallowed hard, struggling for the right thing to say. There was none. Gackt grieved over a person dear to him. Over a life he had probably seen a lot of potential in left unlived. Hyde knew that there was no solace for that kind of sadness.
"That boy… why do you link him to MOON CHILD?"
Gackt sighed.
"It’s simple. He reminded me of Sho. And now I feel… I did Sho injustice. You know, as the author of that story… I suddenly felt like I have to save Sho, give him the push he needs anyway, no matter what it means for MOON CHILD. It’s unfair, isn’t it? I try to push so many people on their backs… but what about the one back I used to tell that story on? He’s---"
"Gackt," Hyde interrupted him harshly. "You need to snap out of this. There’s a freaking difference between those people you’re talking about and Sho. They are real. If you reach out to them to give them that push on their backs, they can actually receive it. Sho never could. There is absolutely no need to try to do him any kind of justice, Gackt. He exists for you to be able to tell that story, to express what is so very important to you, to push people. You can hold him dear and respect him for what he did and probably still does for you, but that’s all you can do for him. Even if you went and rewrote MOON CHILD to save Sho, as you said… You know what I think? It wouldn’t be Sho anymore. It wouldn’t be MOON CHILD anymore. And you know that. Don’t go and mess up one of your greatest pieces of work out of grief."
Hyde realized then that Gackt probably never had been further off track than he was now. About to mess up his own work. He had never seen Gackt being anything like this before. Then again, he doubted Gackt had ever seen someone getting shot. Surely, it must’ve been a shock. But Hyde just couldn’t let him fuck up his work because of it. Gackt would regret it later and he wouldn’t allow him to get to that point, not if he could help it.
Gackt smiled sadly before letting his forehead rest in the palms of his hands, hiding his face from Hyde.
"God, I…"
"Gackt, it’s okay. You’re grieving."
"There is one thing, though, I didn’t tell anyone," Gackt said, his voice barely above a whisper, his face still covered behind his hands.
"He was killed saving me. He took the bullets that were supposed to hit me. Had he stayed out of the way he could’ve lived. Maybe if he had had dreams to chase after, a path in his life he could’ve walked on… maybe then he wouldn’t have tossed it away so carelessly."
"Gackt, do you even hear yourself talking? Carelessly tossed away? Seriously, if I was anybody else I would punch you in the face now."
Hyde watched his friend flinch slightly, eventually moving his hands away, showing his face again. His expression was surprised, letting on that Hyde’s threat had taken him aback. Good, Hyde thought, refusing to feel sorry for Gackt now that his pushing was finally reaching him.
"Unfortunately, I am who I am and I don’t resolve to violence, no matter how much you could need some now… Not only for talking so much bullshit, but also for escaping into oh-so-simple self-pity, making a joke out of everything you stand and fight for, and especially for trampling under foot that boy’s choice and sacrifice he made! You seriously need to get a hold of yourself. Or are you really too blind to see why and for whom the boy gave his life to save yours? If you ask me, even though I didn’t get to know him, without a doubt I’d say he did it neither for you nor for himself. But for everyone that still needs to receive that same push from you that he had received during these four days he has known you."
Watching Gackt’s hurt and unbelievably sad expression Hyde felt tears welling up in his own eyes. He did not allow them to fall, though. Not before he had pushed his dear friend out of the misery he had created for himself.
"Gackt, do you seriously not realize what effect you have on the people you reach out to? You put so much force, will and soul into the meaning of your life that whether they want it or not, the ones who need a push, get one. Whether they notice it or not, whether you realize it or not, it simply happens. That’s what you’re living for, isn’t it? This is why you’re still alive. So many people still need you strength. Too many people for you to just leave behind… The boy who gave his life for yours, knew this. I’m sure of it. He may have been beyond where you could’ve helped him, but he was aware of this himself, and I think that he was… giving his life at least one purpose. By saving yours."
Hyde smiled.
"He must’ve come to really like you in that short time… Well, then again, he probably never knew what a crybaby you can be."
Gackt couldn’t help laughing, tears still running down his face.
"My mind is a mess," he said, wiping away the tears with the sleeve of his shirt, reminding Hyde of a little boy once again.
"I’m glad I came over to talk to you. You helped me sorting things out."
Hyde smiled at his friend, relieved to see him slowly climbing back on track.
"I know what we’re going to do now."
"Oh?" Hyde said, intrigued. "I’m all ears."
Gackt smiled, his eyes less sad than before.
"We will rerelease MOON CHILD. The way it is. Bring it back into people’s memories. And we’ll dedicate it to the boy who sacrificed his life for me."
Hyde liked the idea and nodded in agreement, silently wondering if the boy Gackt was referring to now was the one he had encountered in New York, or if it was Sho.
Author: dark_hyde
Rating: PG13
Summary: Gackt and YFC are about to set out on their first tour through America when something unexpected happens, threatening their plans to falter.
Notes: I am sorry for being late with this, but the story is finally complete. Thank you to everyone who read and commented on it. I appreciate it a lot. :)
„Hyde, I’d like to rerelease MOON CHILD on Blu-ray."
"Uhm… why’s that?"
"In remembrance of Sho…"
"In remembrance of… Sho?"
"I mean… to celebrate the movie’s anniversary. It’s been ten years, Hyde."
"I know, but… have you ever seen a film being rereleased simply because it’s its anniversary? It seems, uhm, unnecessary… , I think."
Upon seeing his friend’s sad expression, Hyde swiftly added, "But we can do it anyway. It’s fine, of course."
Gackt momentarily averted his eyes before looking back at Hyde.
"There’s a reason for why I want to do it. I want to remind people of… the movie’s existence, let them know that this story is one that is really important to me. Even now. Especially now. I feel that some things about the movie, about its… characters were left unsaid, and I want to take this opportunity to say them. I’d like the both of us to be interviewed again, after these ten years, and add it to the content of the Blu-ray. So that we get to say the things we should’ve said ten years ago."
The words spoken and the silent tears rolling down Gackt’s face left Hyde speechless. He could strongly feel that something about that damn movie was seriously troubling Gackt now after all these years. But no matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t relate. He didn’t understand.
"Uh, Gacchan… if the rerelease of MOON CHILD is that important to you, I won’t say no, but… you need to be aware that you’re probably the only one of the movie’s cast that feels this way. I mean… I don’t feel like I have anything to say about the movie that I should’ve said ten years ago, …you know? And to be honest, I don’t get at all why you’re so upset all of a sudden. At that time… you were so confident about the project, about the message behind it, and more than anything you were confident in the way you wanted to express it. What’s the matter now, Gacchan? MOON CHILD’s story has been told. There isn’t really anything left to say, …is there?"
"It’s just… I feel so sorry… I’m so sorry."
Hyde stared at Gackt, watching as more tears flowed. The urge to stand up, walk around the table and take Gackt into his arms suddenly struck him hard. But instead of doing it, he threw his head back and laughed. There was nothing sad about Gackt acting like a six years old after all. Had it been his son, he would’ve given in to the urge of needing to give comfort at once. But Gackt was not his son, he was a grown man who more than needing a hug, more than needing anything right now, needed a push into the right direction. A firm push.
Hyde had seen Gackt getting off track before. After all, the man wasn’t perfect, and just sometimes he wasn’t as strong as he liked to make everyone, himself included, believe he was. It seemed something had thrown Gackt off his usually fiercely and steadfastly followed path. Whatever it was, Hyde didn’t know, but he would just have to push his friend back on track now.
With his laughter eventually ceasing and his hand wiping away the tears that blurred his vision, Hyde saw Gackt blankly staring back at him, a look of utter disbelief on his face. It almost made Hyde laugh out loud again. He bit his lower lip.
"Gacchan," he started, trying hard to hold back a new fit of laughter. "You need to grow up already. Getting sad about your own stories, about the fates and destinies you write yourself… Focus. If MOON CHILD was any different from what it is now, it’d be completely pointless. I don’t know why it bothers you all of a sudden. You intended the story to be this way and with that you intended the movie to be a push on the people’s backs in itself. Isn’t that right? Isn’t the movie also a part of the moon you want to be so baldy to other people? Don’t you think the character’s destinies in the movie are a sacrifice you had been willing to pay for all the real people who’ve been touched and saved by this piece of work you’ve done? You sure were willing to sacrifice your characters back then. What is the problem now?"
Closely listening to every word Hyde said, Gackt didn’t even blink and the tears dried on his skin. He swallowed hard before he started smiling sheepishly.
"You’re right. You’re right… I’m crying over movie characters. Characters I developed myself. This is stupid…"
New tears fell. Hyde frowned.
"It’s not stupid. Something seems to have really set you off."
Hyde still felt like he was talking to a child. What was Gackt holding onto so helplessly and desperately?
"So what’s the matter? Is this really about MOON CHILD, Gacchan?"
Gackt blinked his tears away, sighing heavily.
"When I was in New York earlier this year, I met this boy. I think he was Japanese, but he said he came from Taiwan. He was a stray. He was in some kind of trouble and… got us involved as well. He stayed with us for four days. Before he was killed."
Hyde wanted to say something, anything, but Gackt just kept talking.
"He was shot. It’s not even that I failed to save him, but what I can’t forgive myself for is that in the short time he was with me, I didn’t, I couldn’t give him the push on his back he would’ve needed so badly. I just can’t accept that, it goes against everything I’m living for. He just died without anyone ever having shown him a path he could’ve taken in his life."
Somehow it didn’t surprise Hyde. Somehow, it seemed like a very Gackt-like thing. Would anybody else have told him what Gackt just had, he would never have believed any of it. But it was Gackt sitting in front of him, silently mourning over the death of a kid he had barely known. Hyde never doubted him for a second. He knew Gackt would involve himself with a stray, would try to help him, would let him into his life, would actually be there when he was killed.
Gackt was that kind of a person. He was that kind of a man. No matter his status, position or fame, he always encountered a living person as a living person himself. On eye-level, with an open heart and mind, as a mere human living and fighting on this earth. Everyone was granted only one life, and more aware of that fact than anyone else probably was, Gackt lived that one life to its fullest. Without boundaries or limits.
That was why it was possible for him to happen upon a stray from Taiwan in the middle of New York and entangle their lives until the death of either one. Gackt never let go of the lives he encountered. Not on this earth.
Hyde swallowed hard, struggling for the right thing to say. There was none. Gackt grieved over a person dear to him. Over a life he had probably seen a lot of potential in left unlived. Hyde knew that there was no solace for that kind of sadness.
"That boy… why do you link him to MOON CHILD?"
Gackt sighed.
"It’s simple. He reminded me of Sho. And now I feel… I did Sho injustice. You know, as the author of that story… I suddenly felt like I have to save Sho, give him the push he needs anyway, no matter what it means for MOON CHILD. It’s unfair, isn’t it? I try to push so many people on their backs… but what about the one back I used to tell that story on? He’s---"
"Gackt," Hyde interrupted him harshly. "You need to snap out of this. There’s a freaking difference between those people you’re talking about and Sho. They are real. If you reach out to them to give them that push on their backs, they can actually receive it. Sho never could. There is absolutely no need to try to do him any kind of justice, Gackt. He exists for you to be able to tell that story, to express what is so very important to you, to push people. You can hold him dear and respect him for what he did and probably still does for you, but that’s all you can do for him. Even if you went and rewrote MOON CHILD to save Sho, as you said… You know what I think? It wouldn’t be Sho anymore. It wouldn’t be MOON CHILD anymore. And you know that. Don’t go and mess up one of your greatest pieces of work out of grief."
Hyde realized then that Gackt probably never had been further off track than he was now. About to mess up his own work. He had never seen Gackt being anything like this before. Then again, he doubted Gackt had ever seen someone getting shot. Surely, it must’ve been a shock. But Hyde just couldn’t let him fuck up his work because of it. Gackt would regret it later and he wouldn’t allow him to get to that point, not if he could help it.
Gackt smiled sadly before letting his forehead rest in the palms of his hands, hiding his face from Hyde.
"God, I…"
"Gackt, it’s okay. You’re grieving."
"There is one thing, though, I didn’t tell anyone," Gackt said, his voice barely above a whisper, his face still covered behind his hands.
"He was killed saving me. He took the bullets that were supposed to hit me. Had he stayed out of the way he could’ve lived. Maybe if he had had dreams to chase after, a path in his life he could’ve walked on… maybe then he wouldn’t have tossed it away so carelessly."
"Gackt, do you even hear yourself talking? Carelessly tossed away? Seriously, if I was anybody else I would punch you in the face now."
Hyde watched his friend flinch slightly, eventually moving his hands away, showing his face again. His expression was surprised, letting on that Hyde’s threat had taken him aback. Good, Hyde thought, refusing to feel sorry for Gackt now that his pushing was finally reaching him.
"Unfortunately, I am who I am and I don’t resolve to violence, no matter how much you could need some now… Not only for talking so much bullshit, but also for escaping into oh-so-simple self-pity, making a joke out of everything you stand and fight for, and especially for trampling under foot that boy’s choice and sacrifice he made! You seriously need to get a hold of yourself. Or are you really too blind to see why and for whom the boy gave his life to save yours? If you ask me, even though I didn’t get to know him, without a doubt I’d say he did it neither for you nor for himself. But for everyone that still needs to receive that same push from you that he had received during these four days he has known you."
Watching Gackt’s hurt and unbelievably sad expression Hyde felt tears welling up in his own eyes. He did not allow them to fall, though. Not before he had pushed his dear friend out of the misery he had created for himself.
"Gackt, do you seriously not realize what effect you have on the people you reach out to? You put so much force, will and soul into the meaning of your life that whether they want it or not, the ones who need a push, get one. Whether they notice it or not, whether you realize it or not, it simply happens. That’s what you’re living for, isn’t it? This is why you’re still alive. So many people still need you strength. Too many people for you to just leave behind… The boy who gave his life for yours, knew this. I’m sure of it. He may have been beyond where you could’ve helped him, but he was aware of this himself, and I think that he was… giving his life at least one purpose. By saving yours."
Hyde smiled.
"He must’ve come to really like you in that short time… Well, then again, he probably never knew what a crybaby you can be."
Gackt couldn’t help laughing, tears still running down his face.
"My mind is a mess," he said, wiping away the tears with the sleeve of his shirt, reminding Hyde of a little boy once again.
"I’m glad I came over to talk to you. You helped me sorting things out."
Hyde smiled at his friend, relieved to see him slowly climbing back on track.
"I know what we’re going to do now."
"Oh?" Hyde said, intrigued. "I’m all ears."
Gackt smiled, his eyes less sad than before.
"We will rerelease MOON CHILD. The way it is. Bring it back into people’s memories. And we’ll dedicate it to the boy who sacrificed his life for me."
Hyde liked the idea and nodded in agreement, silently wondering if the boy Gackt was referring to now was the one he had encountered in New York, or if it was Sho.