Marine Blue - Chapter 6
Title: Marine Blue Kaze ni Dakarete... (Embraced by the Marine Blue Wind...)
Author: shiro_koomori
Pairing: Mainly You/Gackt, Chacha/Ju-ken, but also mentions Gackt/Masa [later], Chacha/You [later], Chacha/Ren [later]
Notes: Four months of no sixth chapter, and suddenly, an update! If you couldn’t tell, this fic is going to be a little bipolar. And right now, it’s bathing in angst. u_u
We don’t say a word about it- that kiss. Even in the long stretches of previous comfortable silences that only ever felt completely awkward, to me.
It wasn't like we were instantly in some kind of ‘open’ love, after that. If anything, I was more confused than I had been to start with. Gackt was more reserved, quiet, and I noticed he stopped telling me he loved me. Why? That kiss… it made me feel as if I was ready for what Gackt had to offer, but he’d pulled back. I’m not talking about physically, in the library storage room, but a day or so later. He stopped texting and calling.
Why?
It felt like a vital moment. Where everything would either come together amazingly or be shattered apart. I wondered, then, if I’d been starting to feel like our relationship was breaking, and would soon be shattered into bittersweet shards.
In essence, nothing had changed. We hung around with each other, as usual, we sat next to each other, we spoke, but not much, and the conversation was always dry and dull. I tried, I really tried to fix it, but it didn’t seem like Gackt had any idea it was broken, and it took two to fix a relationship. I thought maybe it was my fault; maybe he’d been waiting for me to declare my undying love for him, and when it didn’t happen, he lost confidence. It didn’t occur to me that maybe something had happened, elsewhere. Something I was completely unaware of. For months, it remained like this. We became closer friends with Chachamaru, and in turn, we learnt about each other.
These months, I would class as boring. Chachamaru made it fun; he made it interesting and in no way was he a boring person, but… I could find myself getting downer and downer, obsessed with why Gackt was acting this way, why I was no longer someone he needed and wanted to speak to. I felt like a doll- one that would easily be tossed away when a child got bored. Gackt was the child.
It was on one night that I decided to investigate. By investigate, I mean, take a risk and find Gackt’s house. It wasn’t difficult; all I had to do was look in a book that was sitting in my very kitchen. Then I was off, brimming with confidence that gradually ebbed as I neared his part of town, and then his street, and then his house. I didn’t expect it to be as big as it was (honestly, it was huge), and I didn’t expect the sports car in his drive, but there it sat, polished and shining, glaring at me in the moonlight.
When I finally plucked up the courage to knock on the door, a woman in her late thirties answered, softly but warily. I think something clicked into place as soon as I opened my mouth, and she asked: “Are you You?”
“Y-yes, I am…” I replied, cautiously, politely. I wanted to make a good first impression.
“I suppose you’re looking for Satoru.”
Satoru?
“I’m sorry, but he’s out… I could tell you where, if you like?”
My head was still reeling by the name, but somehow I managed to nod, and gained the address of a casual restaurant downtown, that also had a cinema in the same building. I didn’t know what he was doing there, or how the hell I was meant to find him in such a big place. It didn’t take long, though. He was with someone else, sitting in a booth, a girl, maybe. I stepped closer, hiding behind crowds and posts, even a table at one point. It was definitely a girl, and as I turned my head, I knew exactly what girl.
I don’t want to sound cliché, and say my heart shattered, but it did stop beating and my chest felt as if it had concaved spontaneously. Arisu. The fucking hoe. That’s how angry I felt. I wanted to murder him, and her. Definitely her. I despised the glances they were giving each other and the delicate touch of his hand on hers. I felt betrayed, and my heart couldn’t take it. I wanted to scream at them, but all I did was stand in shocked silence as Gackt leant across and pressed a kiss to her lips.
The next thought in my head was, “Could it be a joke? Did he know I was coming? Maybe this was all staged. I know what he’s like. Loves pulling pranks… he’s a total devil. Maybe…” I was hoping that this was true, and knew it wouldn’t be. I stayed long enough to see Gackt pay the full bill for their meals and then watch their backs disappearing into the cinema, one long arm draped around a skinny, feminine shoulder.
So this is why he’d been ignoring me, finding me of no interest? And all this time, I had believed he’d loved me… with all my heart, and all of his.
Was this my punishment for leading him on and then never acting? Maybe it had all been one joke, this whole friendship… he even made up a name and didn’t tell me, just to make the blow harder. Arisu, no doubt she knew his real name. I was sure of it. She knew everything. Hah. That time when he came over, all the times, maybe that had been all a lie and a joke, too. I stood there for almost an hour, until someone complained and I was kicked out onto the streets. I hardly noticed. It took me twenty minutes to bike to the building and it took almost two hours to get home. By the time I walked through the front door, it was two am, and my parents and sister exploded. We were worried, why didn’t you take your phone with you, huh!? We thought you’d been kidnapped… how could you just leave without saying anything! What time do you call this?
I didn’t answer and drifted slowly up the stairs, devoid of any energy and emotion. It affected me badly, I don’t know why… didn’t want to know why. When I picked up my phone, which had been sitting on my desk, I had numerous missed calls, and one text message. From him, saying: How are you?
I didn’t reply. Why should I?
The next day, Sunday, I decided to bike out to the studio that Chacha taught the kids at. I knew for a fact that he taught three kids on a Sunday, so I knew he’d be there. I turned up outside, locked my bike to one of the stands and paused. A motorbike was sitting a few metres away in one of the parking spaces. I knew Gackt had a motorbike, had seen it once, but it didn’t look anything like the one in front of me.
I wandered inside and eventually made it to Cha’s room, which happened to be right at the back of the building. It was much simpler than the other recording rooms, which had multiple computers and synthesisers, along with a few instruments. Cha’s, however, had drums, a bass, two guitars, a large supply of microphones and a door at the back of the room, and inside, sat a grande piano. It was quite a collection, and he, apparently, had bought them all himself, somehow. I was truly impressed.
“Yo,” I murmured as I slipped through the crack in the door, eyes downcast, but catching the movement in the corner of my eye. Cha was pressed carefully over a table, a foreign hand resting at the base of his spine and another at the nape of his neck. All I could see was a crazy mass of blond, brown, black, and maybe some pink, spikes and waves of hair. Who is he? I thought, clearing my throat absently and watching the guitarist lurch, all skinny arms and legs as he scrambled to push away from the bigger man.
“Holy shit, You - where the fuck did you come from?”
It didn’t really sink in that they had been in a pretty… compromising position. Then again, I’d only had three hours sleep, and was suffering from a disease known as ‘don’t-give-a-fuck-just-kill-me’, so, it was understandable that I, 1. Didn’t care, and 2. Didn’t let it register. “Uhm… home?”
“Right, okay, uh…” He brushed down his clothes and ran a hand through is untameable head of bleached blond hair, eyes flicking from me to the mysterious geezer leaning against the table; obviously trying to fight away the embarrassment burning in the redness of his cheeks. Now that I think about it, Ju-ken, as it was Ju-ken, was incredibly cool-looking, with the nose ring and insane hair. It was too bad his personality was so dorky, and his looks so wild; he could’ve easily gotten a girl, not that he wanted one. “This… this is Ju-ken. Ju-ken… this is You.”
“Yeah, m’You. Nice to meet ya.” To be honest, I didn’t care who the man in front of me was. I simply wanted to collapse and drink myself half to death.
“Nice ta meet ya.”
“Well, I guess I’ll get going.”
“No-no, You… you can stay,” Chacha shouted too suddenly, obviously thrown off course with having an abrupt guest. It wasn’t earnest, by the way. I knew he wanted me gone, especially with the obvious hard-on he was trying, and failing, to hide.
“I’ll get in the way… so, seeya. Bye Ju-ken. Be gentle.” Like I said - I’m allowed to be this way when I’m angry. It left Cha shocked for a few seconds, which, somehow, made me glow a little as I walked out the way I’d come. As soon as I stepped out of the classy, modern double doors, I knew something wasn’t right. Maybe it was simply intuition - my gut feeling - or, maybe it was because my brown eyes happened to fall on the motorbike which was definitely familiar. Or, maybe it was the blond Japanese guy walking straight for me; the one that made my heart thump and my head ache.
“You… I didn’t think I’d see you here - how are you? You didn’t answer my text. I was worried.” It was all gushed out quickly, as if the boy, no… no, the man, was relieved to let it out. The man, because dressed in tight leather, and a cotton shirt, with a leather jacket, classy boots enclosed around his legs, and black sunglasses over his eyes, all made him more of a man than I thought I could ever be. Jealousy bubbled up from the very deep, dark depths of my being, cloaked in green as it eyed the girl I wished I could replace, and the man I wished I could just fucking be.
“Not worried enough, asshole.” Which came out as, “Sorry, I didn’t get it.”
“Oh… it must be my phone, again. I just asked how you were.”
It’s weird that he was naïve enough to actually believe that little lie I fed him, every time he texted me and I couldn’t be bothered to answer.
It was weird and it was sad, because it made my heart ache all the more and reminded me of everything about him that terrified me and enraptured me, all the more. And it reminded me of how I would have loved to kill him right then, and how it ignited rage in my veins, and of how… obsessed I’d become.
“You? You’re frowning.”
“So? So, what?” I somehow learnt from the master how to mask my emotions. I used to be easy to read. But, slowly, I managed to build up a barrier between myself and Gackt. Oh, fuck, yeah, I wanted to spill everything and scream at him for turning me into something so pathetic, but I couldn’t. Why did he make me feel like this? “I’m leaving.”
I noticed the confused, “What? Why? Where to?” as I turned and walked away; told myself it was curiosity. I noticed the crestfallen look on his face, as I tried and failed not to look back over my shoulder, and told myself it was anger; put out because I’d blown him off. I noticed the ache in my chest, and the churning in my stomach, and the air trapped in my lungs, and told myself it was because I hadn’t eaten. I noticed the previously shining sky fall under chaos as dark, brooding clouds captured the sun’s rays. And I ran away again, before he could start a race that I would surely lose.
Later that night, I received another text, from a phone number I didn’t recognise, and one from Gackt.
‘Stay. Away. From. Him.’
And,
‘I hope you’re well.’
I couldn’t tell which text was easier to ignore, until I deleted the second, and sub-consciously took the anonymous advice of the first.