it must be the violins...
i'm ready for a new chapter, come be a part of it! if you're reading this, you can bet that i want you in!
i haven't been the best at maintaining much of anything, but especially friendships, during 2009, but i'm working on it. i sincerely apologize to all of those who got a raw deal. i assure you, you're in my heart and on my mind with the rest, its just been hard to keep afloat.
i guess it's kind of late for resolutions, but i was in no mood in january, so here's to the rest of the year, and to change and growth in the face of adversity.
i've been writing a lot lately about all of the things that are hard for me to talk about, and i think i'm finally coming to terms with my life and what has happened in it. it's funny how my parents spend 60$ a session for therapy, which i attend twice a month, and in truth my best source of closure has been within myself. i've fought so hard all of my life to keep all of this stuff to myself, that i can't even tell someone who i pay to be trustworthy my problems. in the end, my only true release in light of the events that tainted my would-have-been blissful teen years is an honest account of my feelings in memoirs or paintings. i'm hoping to start lowering my prescription of lexapro soon, and to begin relearning how to be a normal and functional member of society, without the crutch of daily medication used just to keep me on an even keel.
as i've been packing up my room and my life, i've done a lot of reflection, hence the above statements. it was especially interesting to go through the various school notebooks and sketch pads that i've filled through the years. every single page takes me back to an exact and distinct moment in time. its truly a testament to the strength of my memory to recall everyday events in such a way. i remember exactly the social dynamic which allowed for my expression to take place. for example, when i look at doodles made in school notebooks, they are more or less elaborate based upon what subject they were made in, whether or not i smoked that day, whether or not one of my best friends was in the class with me, whether or not i could listen to music, whether or not i was dating tim, etc. its interesting to think that every piece of art or music is effected similarly by so many factors. the whole world is so vastly infinite, especially in human expression! it astounds me every time i think about it!
i'm rambling. time to pack more! but the moral of the story is, call me! let's have some deep convos over a beer and a cig!
oh and p.s.-just a quick little rant so i don't talk too much about it in real life: DO NOT EVER kiss your dead best friend's ex-girlfriend when she's taking care of you and getting you shit while you're in the hospital.
am i right? i'm right. i realllllllllly hope you were more drugged than you seemed, and i really hope you don't remember this tomorrow; i wish i didn't have to. i don't care that your nose just got broken, if you try that shit again i'll fucking punch you. werddd, glad i got that off my chest, people are incredible sometimes.
i haven't been the best at maintaining much of anything, but especially friendships, during 2009, but i'm working on it. i sincerely apologize to all of those who got a raw deal. i assure you, you're in my heart and on my mind with the rest, its just been hard to keep afloat.
i guess it's kind of late for resolutions, but i was in no mood in january, so here's to the rest of the year, and to change and growth in the face of adversity.
i've been writing a lot lately about all of the things that are hard for me to talk about, and i think i'm finally coming to terms with my life and what has happened in it. it's funny how my parents spend 60$ a session for therapy, which i attend twice a month, and in truth my best source of closure has been within myself. i've fought so hard all of my life to keep all of this stuff to myself, that i can't even tell someone who i pay to be trustworthy my problems. in the end, my only true release in light of the events that tainted my would-have-been blissful teen years is an honest account of my feelings in memoirs or paintings. i'm hoping to start lowering my prescription of lexapro soon, and to begin relearning how to be a normal and functional member of society, without the crutch of daily medication used just to keep me on an even keel.
as i've been packing up my room and my life, i've done a lot of reflection, hence the above statements. it was especially interesting to go through the various school notebooks and sketch pads that i've filled through the years. every single page takes me back to an exact and distinct moment in time. its truly a testament to the strength of my memory to recall everyday events in such a way. i remember exactly the social dynamic which allowed for my expression to take place. for example, when i look at doodles made in school notebooks, they are more or less elaborate based upon what subject they were made in, whether or not i smoked that day, whether or not one of my best friends was in the class with me, whether or not i could listen to music, whether or not i was dating tim, etc. its interesting to think that every piece of art or music is effected similarly by so many factors. the whole world is so vastly infinite, especially in human expression! it astounds me every time i think about it!
i'm rambling. time to pack more! but the moral of the story is, call me! let's have some deep convos over a beer and a cig!
oh and p.s.-just a quick little rant so i don't talk too much about it in real life: DO NOT EVER kiss your dead best friend's ex-girlfriend when she's taking care of you and getting you shit while you're in the hospital.
am i right? i'm right. i realllllllllly hope you were more drugged than you seemed, and i really hope you don't remember this tomorrow; i wish i didn't have to. i don't care that your nose just got broken, if you try that shit again i'll fucking punch you. werddd, glad i got that off my chest, people are incredible sometimes.