Things...
I don't know whether or not to feel angry in a situation that I'm in. One of my close friends, whom I've known for ten years, is starting to go back out with my ex-boyfriend... again. It happened before and I was really angry at her but now I don't know why I am angry. I really thought there was a rule that you can't date your friend's ex-boyfriends... she wants to talk about him to, and sometimes talk about the things they do. It took me six months to get there little sex scene that she told me out of my head and for me to stop crying about it. I'm not upset that the fact that there going out again in a romantic "I'm jealous and I hate you" that sort of way, I care because he IS my ex-boyfriend, that relationship nearly killed the friendship that she and I had and the fact that he treats me like crap and she really doesn't give a shit.
I sat before and said that I had a boyfriend and that I shouldn't care but that was totally different. Shawn was treating me like crap, and I had just basically gave Jay up for him and I had regreted it alot. The feelings I had for Shawn and the feelings that I have for Matt are two different things. What I had for Shawn was a mix between pity, settlement, lonliness and bitterness. I wanted to have a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend, I didn't care who it was, I just wanted it. With Matt, it's something else. Were going out now not because of I just want him as a boyfriend... it's more.
So this time I'm really not jealous... I do feel betrayed. I do feel like she doesn't care about my feelings or the friendship that she and I have. And some people wonder why I'm so edgy, why I feel like I can't trust people and why trust is a big thing for me. I can't trust people.
My feelings for Matt are so different than anything else... we don't do anything. We CAN do something, he's not like Shawn. We don't do anything because we both know that if we take that step to soon, it'll destroy everything. It's much more complicated... I don't know what else to say about it right now... it can't be put into words. I'll write more later... maybe a HAPPY update. lol
That's it for now.
~Binko
I sat before and said that I had a boyfriend and that I shouldn't care but that was totally different. Shawn was treating me like crap, and I had just basically gave Jay up for him and I had regreted it alot. The feelings I had for Shawn and the feelings that I have for Matt are two different things. What I had for Shawn was a mix between pity, settlement, lonliness and bitterness. I wanted to have a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend, I didn't care who it was, I just wanted it. With Matt, it's something else. Were going out now not because of I just want him as a boyfriend... it's more.
So this time I'm really not jealous... I do feel betrayed. I do feel like she doesn't care about my feelings or the friendship that she and I have. And some people wonder why I'm so edgy, why I feel like I can't trust people and why trust is a big thing for me. I can't trust people.
My feelings for Matt are so different than anything else... we don't do anything. We CAN do something, he's not like Shawn. We don't do anything because we both know that if we take that step to soon, it'll destroy everything. It's much more complicated... I don't know what else to say about it right now... it can't be put into words. I'll write more later... maybe a HAPPY update. lol
That's it for now.
~Binko