What you need to know about Texas
A few days ago, kudagirl wrote a lovely post on Texas. I feel compelled to write up my own thoughts on this state.
I've lived in Texas for near on 20 years. No, I wasn't born here. I was born up North. However, my parents lived in Texas originally, but moved around a bit cause my dad was in the Air Force. I've lived in Texas since I was 5, so I pretty much consider it my state.
And it is a good state to live in. You have to have a sense of humor about living here, especially if you're a social and political liberal. Also, yeah, it's hot as hell with a humidity you could drown in. But once you get used to that, it's quite enjoyable.
So here you go. My list of things you need to know about Texas. I've lived in DFW most of my life, so most of these are geared towards that area, but a lot of it applies to the state, as a whole. Enjoy.
1. There is a church on every other street corner. This isn't an exaggeration. And the vast majority of these churches will be Southern Baptist. The rest are Methodist or Episcopalian.
2. Bigger really is better. Small things are to be mocked and openly laughed at. Yes, guys, feel insecure.
3. "Y'all" is a real word. It's the first word you'll pick up if you come down here. It means "you all". It's not a hick or redneck or backwater word. I've heard it used by lawyers, political officials, university professors, and just about anybody else you can think of. It's a damn fine word.
4. That being said, only country bumpkins say "y'alls". City folk may say "all y'all". That is acceptable. "Y'alls" is not.
5. It is assumed that you will like Mexican food. It's perfectly normal to ask, "Do you like Chinese?" before going out to eat. Nobody ever thinks to ask, "Do you like Mexican?" If you're in Texas, you will eat Mexican food. Learn to enjoy it, or at least tolerate it.
6. Pick-ups have right of way on the road. Between two pick-ups, the bigger one trumps the smaller one (See #2).
7. After pick-ups, SUVs have the right of way.
8. Small cars are to be mocked and openly laughed at (See #2).
9. You will know Jesus. His last name is likely to be Gonzalez or Rodriguez.
10. And you will know a small amount of Spanish. Specifically, you will learn all the dirty words first. Then you'll discover how to order a beer in Spanish (Una mas cerveza, por favor). Once you've figured out how to ask where the bathroom is, you're set and need know no more.
11. Austin is like the liberal Mecca of Texas. All misplaced liberals around the state will take a pilgrimage there on occasion to revel in the likemindedness.
12. Everybody vacations in San Antonio. If you live in Texas, you will have vacationed in San Antonio many times. And you will have driven there.
13. Yes, everybody owns a gun. If, like me, you have issues with firearms, it's best just not to ask your friends if they keep a gun in the house. The answer might freak you out.
14. Some people around here still like Dubya. Nobody knows why. Don't bother trying to figure it out.
15. Even if you don't like country-western stuff, you will learn to tolerate it. If you live in DFW, this includes visiting Billy Bob's at least once in your lifetime.
16. It doesn't snow in Texas. In the rare cases it does snow, the snow doesn't stick. Instead of "snow days", we have "ice days" where the ice melts to the road, making it impossible to drive on.
17. Schools and businesses will close down, though, at the first sign of any freezing precipitation. Hell, if there's even a warning that it might ice, schools will close down.
18. You will know blue-collared folk, even if you're not blue-collar, yourself. You will love these people. They are fantastic fun, and, if you play your cards right, you'll get someone who can take care of your car and help with repairs in your apartment for free (or beer).
19. Public transportation is for sissies. This is especially applicable in DFW. You will have a car, and you will drive.
20. Speaking of DFW, most people who live there don't actually live in either Dallas or Fort Worth. They live in one of the multitude of suburban cities smushed into the metroplex area. It's not at all uncommon to have a friend who lives on the other side of the metroplex from you that you have to drive over an hour to see.
21. High school football is on Friday nights. College football is on Saturday. And pro football is on Sundays. It is important to know this, even if you don't like football.
22. Don't mess with Texas. We mean it. You don't fucking mess with Texas. We don't like littering.
23. Don't swim in the Trinity. Just...trust me on this one. Don't do it. Admire the pretty from afar.
24. You or someone you know will have family that owns a ranch or a farm. It will likely be out in East Texas. Visit if you can. It's interesting.
25. As you are walking, you are required to at least make eye contact and smile at others. If you're more outgoing, a wave and saying "Hi" is acceptable. If you're really friendly, it's alright to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Feel free.
26. The weather cannot be predicted. Don't bother trying. It's not at all unusual to have freezing rain one day and nice, 70 or 80 degree weather the next day.
27. Speaking of the weather, we have some kick-ass thunderstorms. They come suddenly, make a lot of noise and lightning, then leave.
28. Why are Texans so damn proud of themselves? We can fly our flag at level with the American flag. We can also secede from the Union and divide ourself up into five new states if we so choose. Yeah, we let it go to our head. Wouldn't you?
I've lived in Texas for near on 20 years. No, I wasn't born here. I was born up North. However, my parents lived in Texas originally, but moved around a bit cause my dad was in the Air Force. I've lived in Texas since I was 5, so I pretty much consider it my state.
And it is a good state to live in. You have to have a sense of humor about living here, especially if you're a social and political liberal. Also, yeah, it's hot as hell with a humidity you could drown in. But once you get used to that, it's quite enjoyable.
So here you go. My list of things you need to know about Texas. I've lived in DFW most of my life, so most of these are geared towards that area, but a lot of it applies to the state, as a whole. Enjoy.
1. There is a church on every other street corner. This isn't an exaggeration. And the vast majority of these churches will be Southern Baptist. The rest are Methodist or Episcopalian.
2. Bigger really is better. Small things are to be mocked and openly laughed at. Yes, guys, feel insecure.
3. "Y'all" is a real word. It's the first word you'll pick up if you come down here. It means "you all". It's not a hick or redneck or backwater word. I've heard it used by lawyers, political officials, university professors, and just about anybody else you can think of. It's a damn fine word.
4. That being said, only country bumpkins say "y'alls". City folk may say "all y'all". That is acceptable. "Y'alls" is not.
5. It is assumed that you will like Mexican food. It's perfectly normal to ask, "Do you like Chinese?" before going out to eat. Nobody ever thinks to ask, "Do you like Mexican?" If you're in Texas, you will eat Mexican food. Learn to enjoy it, or at least tolerate it.
6. Pick-ups have right of way on the road. Between two pick-ups, the bigger one trumps the smaller one (See #2).
7. After pick-ups, SUVs have the right of way.
8. Small cars are to be mocked and openly laughed at (See #2).
9. You will know Jesus. His last name is likely to be Gonzalez or Rodriguez.
10. And you will know a small amount of Spanish. Specifically, you will learn all the dirty words first. Then you'll discover how to order a beer in Spanish (Una mas cerveza, por favor). Once you've figured out how to ask where the bathroom is, you're set and need know no more.
11. Austin is like the liberal Mecca of Texas. All misplaced liberals around the state will take a pilgrimage there on occasion to revel in the likemindedness.
12. Everybody vacations in San Antonio. If you live in Texas, you will have vacationed in San Antonio many times. And you will have driven there.
13. Yes, everybody owns a gun. If, like me, you have issues with firearms, it's best just not to ask your friends if they keep a gun in the house. The answer might freak you out.
14. Some people around here still like Dubya. Nobody knows why. Don't bother trying to figure it out.
15. Even if you don't like country-western stuff, you will learn to tolerate it. If you live in DFW, this includes visiting Billy Bob's at least once in your lifetime.
16. It doesn't snow in Texas. In the rare cases it does snow, the snow doesn't stick. Instead of "snow days", we have "ice days" where the ice melts to the road, making it impossible to drive on.
17. Schools and businesses will close down, though, at the first sign of any freezing precipitation. Hell, if there's even a warning that it might ice, schools will close down.
18. You will know blue-collared folk, even if you're not blue-collar, yourself. You will love these people. They are fantastic fun, and, if you play your cards right, you'll get someone who can take care of your car and help with repairs in your apartment for free (or beer).
19. Public transportation is for sissies. This is especially applicable in DFW. You will have a car, and you will drive.
20. Speaking of DFW, most people who live there don't actually live in either Dallas or Fort Worth. They live in one of the multitude of suburban cities smushed into the metroplex area. It's not at all uncommon to have a friend who lives on the other side of the metroplex from you that you have to drive over an hour to see.
21. High school football is on Friday nights. College football is on Saturday. And pro football is on Sundays. It is important to know this, even if you don't like football.
22. Don't mess with Texas. We mean it. You don't fucking mess with Texas. We don't like littering.
23. Don't swim in the Trinity. Just...trust me on this one. Don't do it. Admire the pretty from afar.
24. You or someone you know will have family that owns a ranch or a farm. It will likely be out in East Texas. Visit if you can. It's interesting.
25. As you are walking, you are required to at least make eye contact and smile at others. If you're more outgoing, a wave and saying "Hi" is acceptable. If you're really friendly, it's alright to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Feel free.
26. The weather cannot be predicted. Don't bother trying. It's not at all unusual to have freezing rain one day and nice, 70 or 80 degree weather the next day.
27. Speaking of the weather, we have some kick-ass thunderstorms. They come suddenly, make a lot of noise and lightning, then leave.
28. Why are Texans so damn proud of themselves? We can fly our flag at level with the American flag. We can also secede from the Union and divide ourself up into five new states if we so choose. Yeah, we let it go to our head. Wouldn't you?