I think Xander's speech is both well-intended and insulting. I'm not sure how I manage to believe both of those, but I do. On the one hand, I do think Xander was trying to help (even if he was definitely projecting his and Anya's issues onto Buffy/Riley), but on the other hand, I do think he was acting like he had insight that he definitely didn't have to such an extent that it was insulting.
As to how the writers actually feel about all of this? I have no clue. I could argue multiple ways.
There's no doubt that Riley was a douche to blame all the problems on Buffy. Gross. But I also think that the downfall of this relationship was a lack of communication on both their parts--a lack of communication about what they both expect from a relationship. It's okay for Riley to want to be with someone who is more emotionally open with him and who makes him more of a priority. But he has to realize that that's not Buffy and he can't expect her to be that way, especially if he doesn't actually tell her that that's what he wants. On the other hand, it's okay for Buffy to be as self-reliant and compartmentalize her life if she wants to do that, but she needs to realize that that's not going to make for good times in a relationship with a guy like Riley. They want fundamentally different things from relationships, and their problem is that they never talk about those things. Riley seems to me to make the assumption that all relationships should work a certain way and if they don't, they are failing. That's not necessarily true. BUT THEY NEVER SEEM TO TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS.
Basically, this was a breakup that needed to happen, but the way it went down was douche-y and I hate it.
As to how the writers actually feel about all of this? I have no clue. I could argue multiple ways.
There's no doubt that Riley was a douche to blame all the problems on Buffy. Gross. But I also think that the downfall of this relationship was a lack of communication on both their parts--a lack of communication about what they both expect from a relationship. It's okay for Riley to want to be with someone who is more emotionally open with him and who makes him more of a priority. But he has to realize that that's not Buffy and he can't expect her to be that way, especially if he doesn't actually tell her that that's what he wants. On the other hand, it's okay for Buffy to be as self-reliant and compartmentalize her life if she wants to do that, but she needs to realize that that's not going to make for good times in a relationship with a guy like Riley. They want fundamentally different things from relationships, and their problem is that they never talk about those things. Riley seems to me to make the assumption that all relationships should work a certain way and if they don't, they are failing. That's not necessarily true. BUT THEY NEVER SEEM TO TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS.
Basically, this was a breakup that needed to happen, but the way it went down was douche-y and I hate it.
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Basically, this was a breakup that needed to happen, but the way it went down was douche-y and I hate it.
Word.
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Yeah. I expect angsty, but I hated the douche-y.
In fact, I could almost fix the whole thing if I rewrite the "you're not letting me in" scene between Buffy and Riley, and the Xander speech.
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