Fic: Influence of Demons 17/17 COMPLETE
Title: Influence of Demons 17/17
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Buffy/Spike
Disclaimer: I could try to claim them...but I would fail...
Warnings: Explicit sex, mention of past non-con, mention of past drug use
Summary: Goes AU after S5's Checkpoint. Five years ago, Buffy and Spike fell into a portal into a dimension ruled by demons. Finally, reunited, their goal is to get back home. However, the years in the dimension have changed them. Spike's long isolation keeps him distant, and Buffy's enforced life at a brothel has caused her to forget the Slayer she used to be. Somehow, they'll have to find themselves again to defeat a powerful enemy and make it home.
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Chapter Seventeen: Help
The H'Talth stone was a modest carving of a weird-looking dolphin. Willow told Buffy that it was a river dolphin, but Buffy had already lost interest. The come-down after a battle was always a bitch, and attention span was one of the first things to go.
The fight had been good, though. Deliciously good. It settled in her stomach, and the cravings for cocaine stopped for the first time in a week. It gave her body a strength and form, a power unlike that which she had possessed previously. She had been able to be confident and secure, even while staring in the face of potential death.
It was both a rush and a reassurance at the same time. It was everything she hungered for, and all she could feel now was the deep satisfaction.
Back at the Magic Box, Anya tended to Buffy's wound while Willow and Tara prepared a spell to destroy the statue. Buffy found herself thankful for Anya's curt, undemanding treatment. She didn't have to posture and act friendly. Instead, Buffy could quietly revel in the post-battle high. Oh, the axe wound hurt like nothing else, but it was trivial. It didn't matter. All Buffy wanted to do was go home, go to bed, and dream of glory.
Giles and Xander entered as the witches started their spell. The two men had dropped the unconscious Spike off at his crypt. Buffy had wanted to go, but her injury made it prudent for her to defer the duty to others. Besides, she wasn't sure if Spike would want her anywhere near him after what she'd had to do to him to get him home. She had a feeling he wouldn't be happy about being stuck with another soul - his soul this time.
She didn't want him to be mad at her.
The H'Talth stone shattered like a firework, each piece shimmering and fizzling before crumbling into ash that rained down onto the shop floor. Anya tutted at the mess even as she continued to tape down the gauze at Buffy's side. Buffy breathed a sigh of relief as the instrument of possible demon invasions disappeared.
Anya stood. "That's a bad wound," she said. "You should probably go to the hospital."
Buffy shook her head. "I just wanna go home." Her legs wobbled like jelly when she stood and she had to grip the edge of the counter for support. Blood loss had done its damage, but her Slayer healing was already kicking in. She'd be fine.
"Ah, Buffy," Giles said as he noticed her standing, "If you'd like, I can check on Spike tomorrow to - "
"I'll do it," Buffy interrupted him. She paused. "I'll take care of Spike."
He was her responsibility now. She'd brought him over. She'd put a soul in him. She knew the dangers. She'd signed up for Spike duty, and she wouldn't let anyone else take over.
Her friends were going through the post-battle come-down, though their version was different than hers. There were the giggles, the excited retellings of near misses and brave moments. Buffy didn't want to stay for the juvenile festivities. That's not what fighting was about.
She left as Xander recounted his close brush with death, complete with a showing of the bruise around his throat. Buffy didn't know if the others noticed her exit. It didn't matter.
She walked slowly and tried not to pull at the wound at her side. The claw marks down her neck were almost healed already and were reduced to thin red lines that swerved below her collar.
She wished she could scar. Buffy would like to have some physical reminder of the battle every now and again. Her Slayer powers were too efficient at patching up broken skin, so her body remained unbroken.
Buffy passed Jimmy's Donuts on the edge of downtown when she heard the scuffle of a fight in the alley to the left. Buffy wanted nothing more than to sleep, but duty called. With a heavy sigh, she stepped behind the donut shop.
"Hey!" she called as she rounded the corner.
A vampire - a teen boy once upon a time - adorned in a varsity letter jacket had a young girl pushed up against the brick wall. In the darkness, blood ran down her neck, and the vampire turned his head with a growl. The girl screeched like an owl when Buffy appeared.
Buffy crossed her arms. "I'm really too tired for this," she complained, not to anybody in particular. Maybe if she announced it to the universe, someone would take mercy on her and her exhausted, injured state.
Varsity's grip on the girl loosened and his threatening expression fell. His demon face contorted with fear. He released the girl fully and backed into the wall beside her.
"Slayer!" he hissed.
Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Yeah..."
He ran. Without another word, he made a beeline for the exit on the opposite side of the alley and sprinted. Guy must've been on the track team.
Buffy wasn't used to that reaction.
The girl sank to the ground sobbing. Her entire body trembled, and her arms jerked stiffly when she wiped her face. With a sigh, Buffy knelt next to her. Tiny pebbles on the ground poked at her through her jeans.
"Hey, you're alright now, okay?"
"That was a...a..." the girl stammered through mammoth tears that streaked her mascara.
"Vampire, yeah." Buffy inspected the bite on the girl's neck. It wasn't very deep. Varsity had only got a nip of her. "But he's gone. I can walk you home."
The girl cried harder.
Buffy remembered this. Most victims ran when Buffy came on the scene. However, for some being the object of a vampire's attack shorted out their brain and they shut down entirely. They ended up a tearful wreck until their mind could process it all. Buffy would have to stay with them in the interim.
Preparing for the long-haul Buffy, sat down next to the girl. She brushed a donut box out of the way and tried to ignore the scent of moldy dough.
"What's your name?"
The girl heaved some sobs, and Buffy wasn't sure if she'd get an answer. "Mandy," she said at last.
"Hi Mandy. I'm Buffy."
Mandy. Mandy was the first person she'd rescued since she came back. Buffy felt like giving her a gold star for the honor. Maybe a big ceremony with a box of sprinkled donuts and balloons.
"Was he a date?" Buffy asked.
Mandy nodded, pulling her skirt down over her knees. She looked cute. Buffy would have wanted that outfit when she was in high school. Mandy had style, and, if Buffy looked past the ruined make-up, snot, and tears, she also had a pretty face.
"I hate it when dates turn out to be vampires," Buffy said casually. "But hey! It means you have a good excuse to turn him down for a second date!"
This only made Mandy cry harder.
"Sorry," Buffy said. "Guess I'm not very good at this part anymore." Was she ever good at this part?
"I really liked him!" Mandy cried. "I thought he liked me!"
"Well, maybe he did. I mean, with vampires, love and violence and all can get mixed up. Or! Maybe he was going to turn you into a vampire to do the eternal love thing!"
The sobs stopped but only because Mandy looked at her in horror.
"You know, I'll just stop talking," Buffy said.
Stupid, stupid Buffy. She leaned her head back to rest against the wall behind her and closed her eyes. No, she never was good at this part. That's comforting. At least this was something she hadn't lost during her alternate dimension side-trip. She needed to get a pamphlet to help calm people down. "So Your Date Turned Out to be a Vampire: What To Do Next".
Somebody else should write it, though. Buffy never knew what to do next.
She placed a hand over the axe wound at her side. Hopefully Mandy would calm down soon.
Buffy tensed when she heard footsteps approaching. Varsity coming back with the rest of his team? No, there was only one person. She motioned for Mandy to be quiet and stood.
Spike walked around the corner. He looked small without his jacket.
"Spike," Buffy said. She spared a glance back to Mandy, who was going back to that terrified bunny look.
"Slayer," Spike said. He stalked toward her while he gave a predator's perusal to Mandy. "Found me some dinner?"
Right. Spike was pissed at her about the soul. It would take him a while to adjust, and now he was going to be a jerk and take it out on poor Mandy who looked about to piss herself in fear.
"Spike - "
"You left me in my crypt without a note or anything," Spike said. He stopped a couple feet from her. His voice was bitter.
"We didn't know how long you'd be out. I thought you'd need some rest," Buffy rushed to explain. "I was going to stop by tomorrow. You know, to return your coat."
At the mention, Spike's eyes traced the outline of his jacket on her body. Buffy wrapped the jacket more tightly around her.
"You put a soul in me." His voice was ragged as if he'd been screaming.
"I did."
Why was she acting defensive? Why was she about to piss herself? Just because Spike was coming across all angry bear-like didn't mean Buffy had to back down and whimper. She was the Slayer and she had Mandy to look after. Spike could fuck off.
Buffy continued, taking a step toward him. "And you know what? I'm glad I did! There was no other way to get you back over here, and I know that was your big goal, after all. So you're welcome, Spike. I put a soul in you so you could come home."
Spike's eyes flashed. "And this soul? It has the same clause that Angelus' had, doesn't it? What are you gonna do if I end up unchipped and unsouled in your city?" He looked back at Mandy. "Bring me delicious morsels to eat?"
He stepped close to Buffy and whispered in her ear. "I smell her fear. And yours." His dead breath tickled.
Buffy caught him by the elbow and whirled him around to hit the wall behind her. Mandy screamed and scrambled out of the way as Buffy pinned Spike to the building. His face was concealed, but he didn't react. His body remained still and loose, easy for her to manipulate.
"Listen, Spike, I know that new soul is making you a little loopy, so you get a pass for acting creepy this time. Mandy? Now's a good time to - "
Buffy didn't get to finish her sentence. Spike elbowed her in the face. Buffy released him in surprise.
He got away from her. He always was fast. Mandy tried to stand, but Spike caught her first. He shoved her into the wall and wrenched her head to the side. He had his vamp face out and lowered his head to Mandy's neck, right where Varsity had left his mark.
Buffy was also fast. She recovered her balance and yanked Spike back by the shoulder. She had her stake out on reflex and swung her arm to bury it half an inch into Spike's chest.
Mandy ran.
Buffy froze, the stake partially impaled in Spike. Not far enough to hit the heart, but far enough to make him stop.
She didn't want to kill him. This whole time they'd been separated she wanted nothing more than to have him with her. So, fine, he didn't love her. Didn't even like her. She could deal with that. Biting other people? Being that sort of demon?
No, she couldn't let him do that. Whoever she was now, she was still the Slayer and that meant protecting people. If she had to leave Spike as dust in the alley, she'd do it, even though she would hate herself for it.
Her hand remained firm, though. No shaking from Buffy. Her convictions hadn't been so firm in so long. This was right.
"You're not gonna let me do it, are you?" Spike asked quietly.
"Of course I'm not gonna let you fucking do it," she said.
He dropped his head, an unexpected move for him. Buffy had thought he would attack again, maybe spew some insults. Instead, he stepped backwards and freed himself from her stake. He didn't look up, instead turning his head to the side to inspect the donut shop's dumpster. "Want my jacket, pet."
Of course. He came stalking her, acted like a complete ass, attacked a high school girl, and practically insisted that she stake him. Then he pretends it's no big deal and asks for his coat? Buffy wanted to slug him. She told herself it was his new soul messing with his head, but she was past the point of caring about that. He was better without the fucking soul.
She yanked the jacket off, pulling roughly at the leather, and threw it to the ground.
"I don't know why I was looking forward to see you," she yelled. Yelling kept the tears at bay. "You're a jerk and a demon and...and your coat smells bad!"
Spike picked up the jacket. Without any inspection, he slipped it around his shoulders. Her last statement made him look at her with a tired smirk.
"That it does," he agreed.
Buffy felt naked without the coat. Without her armor. Her protection. Instead, she was exposed to Spike and the world, and she didn't even know what to do with Spike. She'd said he was her responsibility, but the way he was acting? What the fuck did it mean?
She crossed her arms over her chest. "Can I trust you, Spike?"
"Probably not."
She hastened to prove him wrong. After all...
"Your soul - "
"My soul's gone," he said. He looked away from her again, to the street this time, as if pondering a rapid exit.
"It left when I came through the portal."
Of course. Of course it had. Buffy forced herself to keep breathing. That was obvious. The one thing he'd been wanting since he'd found her again on the other side.
"So, coming home?" she asked, swallowing down her fear and anxiety.
"Seeing you."
The words were so unexpected, Buffy's first instinct was that she had misheard him. The wind had whispered falsehoods in her ear and run off. However, as Buffy looked up, her eyes meeting his, she knew she'd heard correctly. There was no miscommunication. Seeing her...like he was doing now with eyes like ice burning coals.
She blinked.
"Oh." That meant...what?
Spike didn't respond. Instead he plunged his hands into the pockets of his jacket and maintained his distance from her.
"I don't - " she started to say but Spike cut her off.
"I'm afraid," he said. He paused to make sure he had Buffy's attention. "I'm afraid...of what I can do. That girl, Mandy?" He nodded his head in the direction she'd run off. "Should've enjoyed scaring her. But I didn't. Spent the past five years living off pig's blood and marshmallows. Guess I've gone soft."
"So even without your soul, you don't want to..."
"Feed? I'd love to. Or I think I would. I remember loving it." He shook his head. "Not going to, though."
"Why not?"
He laughed a ragged laugh. "Tiny cricket chirping in my ear? Don't rightly know, pet. My own conviction, I s'pose. Oh, and you."
Buffy tensed. "Me. I can't - "
"I mean you'll stake me right good if I step out of line, won't you?" His eyes pleaded.
She could do that much. Whatever doubts Buffy had as to her suitability as a tiny conscience cricket, she was confident in her ability to stake demons. "Yes."
He spread his arms in a typically grandiose gesture. "So, then." He looked around the alley. "Welcome home?"
Buffy wrapped her arms around herself rather than around him.Were hugs appropriate? Was anything appropriate? What were they doing? What was the next step? Seeing him should have calmed so many of her fears and trepidations, but it only seemed to multiply the endless onslaught of questions pounding in her head.
****
"Let me walk you to your crypt," Buffy said.
Spike hadn't expected that. Being out of his jacket revealed how small and worn she was. Weary. Yet she was offering to walk him to his crypt like some lovesick college boy?
He didn't know her game. He didn't know his game. The events of the past few days had thoroughly emaciated the more substantial regions of his brain. Thoughts were a step beyond him, and the future was untenable but for the imposing present.
Spike tilted his head. "You look close to dropping. Better, I think, for you to get to bed."
"You have a bed at your crypt."
Spike remained silent, but his eyes widened in surprise. Buffy didn't fidget under the microscope.
Was she asking for...?
They hadn't fucked for a while now. Hell, as soon as Buffy got her powers back she'd been hands off. All tease, no give.
Spike felt as if he had a expansive map of the world, but everything was unlabeled and unfamiliar and Buffy was at some unknown location. He couldn't pin her down, and he didn't know how to react to her. She scared him.
"Don't you?" she prompted.
He snapped out of his shock and nodded. He looked down to her feet. "Yeah. Course."
"Then, let's go."
If she wanted to fuck, he wouldn't turn her down. She looked better than ever before. Not as scrawny as she had been, not as wasted. Her shoulders held higher and her chin raised just a bit more. He wished he'd been able to see her during the fight at the portal. The thought of her wielding that axe while clouded in his jacket rushed blood to his lower regions.
Fuck, he wanted her.
He closed his eyes to shut out her signal, try to calm himself down, otherwise he'd never make the distance to his crypt. His other senses picked up the slack. The tapping sound of her cross-trainers on the cement sidewalk. The radiant brilliance that ebbed from her body. The creeping smell of blood...
"You bleeding?" Spike asked. They were only halfway down Keller St. and were still several blocks away from his crypt.
Buffy frowned and her eyebrows knitted together. "Got a bit knocked around by one of the demons opening the portal." She gently rubbed at her side. "It's already healing."
"Good," he nodded.
"Was it difficult getting back through?" Buffy asked, picking up the conversational ball. "Since Dehevret showed up when I went through? That meant...did you get captured? God, I didn't even think of that."
Probably better if she hadn't ever thought of it. Spike didn't want to think of those last days before coming home. He certainly didn't want Buffy knowing anything of them.
Spike shrugged in a show of nonchalance, but his nerves didn't feel it.
"Spent some time as a captive, yeah. Managed to keep myself close to the portal, though, like you told me to."
"Good," Buffy echoed his earlier statement. "I don't suppose you got a chance to kill Dehevret before coming back over?"
Spike's stride stuttered.
If she knew, she'd run away from him right? Like that girl, Mandy, frightened and running in terror. He couldn't bear the thought of driving her away.
"Sorry to say I didn't take out any demons on the way over, love." His voice was clipped, and he spoke with a finality intended to close the conversation.
"Oh. Well, they're stuck over there. Let them destroy themselves, right?"
"Right."
He was loathsome, wasn't he? He even knew it. He'd made it home on borrowed goodness, and that had been ripped from him not one minute after he'd crossed over. He still was that demon that had traded in Avery's body and life for his fucking golden ticket.
Yeah, he couldn't bear the thought of driving Buffy away. Almost as much as he couldn't bear the thought of hurting her like he'd hurt...so many others.
Suddenly, the idea of fucking her didn't appeal. He wanted to warn her away, but a more selfish part - the part that would inevitably win out - wanted to cling to her.
They reached his crypt. Spike's mind buzzed with uncertainty.. He couldn't do this, whatever they were about to do. He needed time, and she needed to not be near him.
He dashed ahead of her at the entrance and turned to face her.
"Uh...truth is, I don't actually have a bed, so to speak. I use the sarcophagus when I don't just fall asleep in front of the TV."
Buffy looked nonplussed, hand at her side.
"Oh," she said.
Spike didn't meet her eyes. "I mean, I know what you're after, but I think, what with your being injured and all - "
"We're not having sex," she said.
Spike recoiled as if she'd slugged him in the gut. Wasn't that what this had been about? Spike replayed the evening in his head. She'd wanted to go to bed...
Fuck, she'd wanted to go to bed.
In which case, Spike was even more confused.
"Ever or...? I mean, I wasn't thinking now...unless you wanted..." Spike scrambled to find some hold on the conversation and get back on track with her.
"I'm the Slayer, but even I think sex with a huge axe wound in the gut sounds unappealing."
"So that's the only reason?" Spike asked.
"Spike, I'm really tired." Buffy half-turned away as if to leave.
"Right. Sorry. Um..." He looked around his crypt in dismay.
He had nothing for her. His exhausted Slayer, near-collapsed from fighting for him, and he had nothing to offer except a lumpy armchair and a half-empty box of Weetabix. Why the fuck had she fought so hard for him? Should have left him on the other side.
The anxiety, the energy left him. His body slumped and he wanted nothing more than to retire to the lower level of his crypt and stay sheathed in perpetual darkness. He couldn't trust himself. She couldn't trust him. Best to keep himself away from everything.
"I'm going home to sleep. We'll talk later," she said.
"Okay."
He kept his distance as Buffy walked back down the stairs in front of his crypt.
Funny. He had no soul now, but agony centered in his chest just the same.
He'd been a bloody vessel for souls over there. Not only had he had some mismatched soul shoved in, but he'd had the torment of it being shoved right back out for his own. By all accounts, his chest should be a mass of blood and gore, exposed to the elements and scratched raw from the jagged sins the souls forced him to feel guilt for.
This pain was far worse. It was the pain of watching her walk away, knowing there was nothing he could do for her, knowing that he was wholly unsuitable to even think of helping her. He couldn't even help himself.
Buffy paused when she reached the sparse grass at the bottom of the steps.
"Just," she turned back to him, "tell me straight, Spike. We're in love, right?"
Spike looked down at her from his position at the top of the stairs. Her face was tender, and her eyes wide and hopeful. He didn't see the pathetic coke whore anymore. She was Buffy, and she was bloody beautiful. What wouldn't he give to be able to stay by her side?
"Yeah. We're in love," he said softly.
Buffy smiled. "Good."
When she turned to walk home, Spike's pain was gone.
fin
Author's Note: Thanks for following along, guys! I appreciate it and I hope you enjoyed.
Before anybody asks, I do intend to write a sequel for this fic. Influence of Demons is about Buffy and Spike's efforts to get home from the alternate dimension. Once they're home, that story ends. However, there is still more to be told with this version of the characters. The sequel will deal with their recovery from the various traumas of the other world and how they handle the canon events of S5. As you all are no doubt aware, there are a lot of loose threads hanging, and I hope to tie them up in the sequel. :)
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This entry was originally posted at http://gabrielleabelle.dreamwidth.org/365079.html. There are
comments on the DW side. Comments are welcome on either side. Due to massive SPAM issues on LJ, anon comments are only on the DW side.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Buffy/Spike
Disclaimer: I could try to claim them...but I would fail...
Warnings: Explicit sex, mention of past non-con, mention of past drug use
Summary: Goes AU after S5's Checkpoint. Five years ago, Buffy and Spike fell into a portal into a dimension ruled by demons. Finally, reunited, their goal is to get back home. However, the years in the dimension have changed them. Spike's long isolation keeps him distant, and Buffy's enforced life at a brothel has caused her to forget the Slayer she used to be. Somehow, they'll have to find themselves again to defeat a powerful enemy and make it home.
Previous Chapter | Chapter List
Chapter Seventeen: Help
The H'Talth stone was a modest carving of a weird-looking dolphin. Willow told Buffy that it was a river dolphin, but Buffy had already lost interest. The come-down after a battle was always a bitch, and attention span was one of the first things to go.
The fight had been good, though. Deliciously good. It settled in her stomach, and the cravings for cocaine stopped for the first time in a week. It gave her body a strength and form, a power unlike that which she had possessed previously. She had been able to be confident and secure, even while staring in the face of potential death.
It was both a rush and a reassurance at the same time. It was everything she hungered for, and all she could feel now was the deep satisfaction.
Back at the Magic Box, Anya tended to Buffy's wound while Willow and Tara prepared a spell to destroy the statue. Buffy found herself thankful for Anya's curt, undemanding treatment. She didn't have to posture and act friendly. Instead, Buffy could quietly revel in the post-battle high. Oh, the axe wound hurt like nothing else, but it was trivial. It didn't matter. All Buffy wanted to do was go home, go to bed, and dream of glory.
Giles and Xander entered as the witches started their spell. The two men had dropped the unconscious Spike off at his crypt. Buffy had wanted to go, but her injury made it prudent for her to defer the duty to others. Besides, she wasn't sure if Spike would want her anywhere near him after what she'd had to do to him to get him home. She had a feeling he wouldn't be happy about being stuck with another soul - his soul this time.
She didn't want him to be mad at her.
The H'Talth stone shattered like a firework, each piece shimmering and fizzling before crumbling into ash that rained down onto the shop floor. Anya tutted at the mess even as she continued to tape down the gauze at Buffy's side. Buffy breathed a sigh of relief as the instrument of possible demon invasions disappeared.
Anya stood. "That's a bad wound," she said. "You should probably go to the hospital."
Buffy shook her head. "I just wanna go home." Her legs wobbled like jelly when she stood and she had to grip the edge of the counter for support. Blood loss had done its damage, but her Slayer healing was already kicking in. She'd be fine.
"Ah, Buffy," Giles said as he noticed her standing, "If you'd like, I can check on Spike tomorrow to - "
"I'll do it," Buffy interrupted him. She paused. "I'll take care of Spike."
He was her responsibility now. She'd brought him over. She'd put a soul in him. She knew the dangers. She'd signed up for Spike duty, and she wouldn't let anyone else take over.
Her friends were going through the post-battle come-down, though their version was different than hers. There were the giggles, the excited retellings of near misses and brave moments. Buffy didn't want to stay for the juvenile festivities. That's not what fighting was about.
She left as Xander recounted his close brush with death, complete with a showing of the bruise around his throat. Buffy didn't know if the others noticed her exit. It didn't matter.
She walked slowly and tried not to pull at the wound at her side. The claw marks down her neck were almost healed already and were reduced to thin red lines that swerved below her collar.
She wished she could scar. Buffy would like to have some physical reminder of the battle every now and again. Her Slayer powers were too efficient at patching up broken skin, so her body remained unbroken.
Buffy passed Jimmy's Donuts on the edge of downtown when she heard the scuffle of a fight in the alley to the left. Buffy wanted nothing more than to sleep, but duty called. With a heavy sigh, she stepped behind the donut shop.
"Hey!" she called as she rounded the corner.
A vampire - a teen boy once upon a time - adorned in a varsity letter jacket had a young girl pushed up against the brick wall. In the darkness, blood ran down her neck, and the vampire turned his head with a growl. The girl screeched like an owl when Buffy appeared.
Buffy crossed her arms. "I'm really too tired for this," she complained, not to anybody in particular. Maybe if she announced it to the universe, someone would take mercy on her and her exhausted, injured state.
Varsity's grip on the girl loosened and his threatening expression fell. His demon face contorted with fear. He released the girl fully and backed into the wall beside her.
"Slayer!" he hissed.
Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Yeah..."
He ran. Without another word, he made a beeline for the exit on the opposite side of the alley and sprinted. Guy must've been on the track team.
Buffy wasn't used to that reaction.
The girl sank to the ground sobbing. Her entire body trembled, and her arms jerked stiffly when she wiped her face. With a sigh, Buffy knelt next to her. Tiny pebbles on the ground poked at her through her jeans.
"Hey, you're alright now, okay?"
"That was a...a..." the girl stammered through mammoth tears that streaked her mascara.
"Vampire, yeah." Buffy inspected the bite on the girl's neck. It wasn't very deep. Varsity had only got a nip of her. "But he's gone. I can walk you home."
The girl cried harder.
Buffy remembered this. Most victims ran when Buffy came on the scene. However, for some being the object of a vampire's attack shorted out their brain and they shut down entirely. They ended up a tearful wreck until their mind could process it all. Buffy would have to stay with them in the interim.
Preparing for the long-haul Buffy, sat down next to the girl. She brushed a donut box out of the way and tried to ignore the scent of moldy dough.
"What's your name?"
The girl heaved some sobs, and Buffy wasn't sure if she'd get an answer. "Mandy," she said at last.
"Hi Mandy. I'm Buffy."
Mandy. Mandy was the first person she'd rescued since she came back. Buffy felt like giving her a gold star for the honor. Maybe a big ceremony with a box of sprinkled donuts and balloons.
"Was he a date?" Buffy asked.
Mandy nodded, pulling her skirt down over her knees. She looked cute. Buffy would have wanted that outfit when she was in high school. Mandy had style, and, if Buffy looked past the ruined make-up, snot, and tears, she also had a pretty face.
"I hate it when dates turn out to be vampires," Buffy said casually. "But hey! It means you have a good excuse to turn him down for a second date!"
This only made Mandy cry harder.
"Sorry," Buffy said. "Guess I'm not very good at this part anymore." Was she ever good at this part?
"I really liked him!" Mandy cried. "I thought he liked me!"
"Well, maybe he did. I mean, with vampires, love and violence and all can get mixed up. Or! Maybe he was going to turn you into a vampire to do the eternal love thing!"
The sobs stopped but only because Mandy looked at her in horror.
"You know, I'll just stop talking," Buffy said.
Stupid, stupid Buffy. She leaned her head back to rest against the wall behind her and closed her eyes. No, she never was good at this part. That's comforting. At least this was something she hadn't lost during her alternate dimension side-trip. She needed to get a pamphlet to help calm people down. "So Your Date Turned Out to be a Vampire: What To Do Next".
Somebody else should write it, though. Buffy never knew what to do next.
She placed a hand over the axe wound at her side. Hopefully Mandy would calm down soon.
Buffy tensed when she heard footsteps approaching. Varsity coming back with the rest of his team? No, there was only one person. She motioned for Mandy to be quiet and stood.
Spike walked around the corner. He looked small without his jacket.
"Spike," Buffy said. She spared a glance back to Mandy, who was going back to that terrified bunny look.
"Slayer," Spike said. He stalked toward her while he gave a predator's perusal to Mandy. "Found me some dinner?"
Right. Spike was pissed at her about the soul. It would take him a while to adjust, and now he was going to be a jerk and take it out on poor Mandy who looked about to piss herself in fear.
"Spike - "
"You left me in my crypt without a note or anything," Spike said. He stopped a couple feet from her. His voice was bitter.
"We didn't know how long you'd be out. I thought you'd need some rest," Buffy rushed to explain. "I was going to stop by tomorrow. You know, to return your coat."
At the mention, Spike's eyes traced the outline of his jacket on her body. Buffy wrapped the jacket more tightly around her.
"You put a soul in me." His voice was ragged as if he'd been screaming.
"I did."
Why was she acting defensive? Why was she about to piss herself? Just because Spike was coming across all angry bear-like didn't mean Buffy had to back down and whimper. She was the Slayer and she had Mandy to look after. Spike could fuck off.
Buffy continued, taking a step toward him. "And you know what? I'm glad I did! There was no other way to get you back over here, and I know that was your big goal, after all. So you're welcome, Spike. I put a soul in you so you could come home."
Spike's eyes flashed. "And this soul? It has the same clause that Angelus' had, doesn't it? What are you gonna do if I end up unchipped and unsouled in your city?" He looked back at Mandy. "Bring me delicious morsels to eat?"
He stepped close to Buffy and whispered in her ear. "I smell her fear. And yours." His dead breath tickled.
Buffy caught him by the elbow and whirled him around to hit the wall behind her. Mandy screamed and scrambled out of the way as Buffy pinned Spike to the building. His face was concealed, but he didn't react. His body remained still and loose, easy for her to manipulate.
"Listen, Spike, I know that new soul is making you a little loopy, so you get a pass for acting creepy this time. Mandy? Now's a good time to - "
Buffy didn't get to finish her sentence. Spike elbowed her in the face. Buffy released him in surprise.
He got away from her. He always was fast. Mandy tried to stand, but Spike caught her first. He shoved her into the wall and wrenched her head to the side. He had his vamp face out and lowered his head to Mandy's neck, right where Varsity had left his mark.
Buffy was also fast. She recovered her balance and yanked Spike back by the shoulder. She had her stake out on reflex and swung her arm to bury it half an inch into Spike's chest.
Mandy ran.
Buffy froze, the stake partially impaled in Spike. Not far enough to hit the heart, but far enough to make him stop.
She didn't want to kill him. This whole time they'd been separated she wanted nothing more than to have him with her. So, fine, he didn't love her. Didn't even like her. She could deal with that. Biting other people? Being that sort of demon?
No, she couldn't let him do that. Whoever she was now, she was still the Slayer and that meant protecting people. If she had to leave Spike as dust in the alley, she'd do it, even though she would hate herself for it.
Her hand remained firm, though. No shaking from Buffy. Her convictions hadn't been so firm in so long. This was right.
"You're not gonna let me do it, are you?" Spike asked quietly.
"Of course I'm not gonna let you fucking do it," she said.
He dropped his head, an unexpected move for him. Buffy had thought he would attack again, maybe spew some insults. Instead, he stepped backwards and freed himself from her stake. He didn't look up, instead turning his head to the side to inspect the donut shop's dumpster. "Want my jacket, pet."
Of course. He came stalking her, acted like a complete ass, attacked a high school girl, and practically insisted that she stake him. Then he pretends it's no big deal and asks for his coat? Buffy wanted to slug him. She told herself it was his new soul messing with his head, but she was past the point of caring about that. He was better without the fucking soul.
She yanked the jacket off, pulling roughly at the leather, and threw it to the ground.
"I don't know why I was looking forward to see you," she yelled. Yelling kept the tears at bay. "You're a jerk and a demon and...and your coat smells bad!"
Spike picked up the jacket. Without any inspection, he slipped it around his shoulders. Her last statement made him look at her with a tired smirk.
"That it does," he agreed.
Buffy felt naked without the coat. Without her armor. Her protection. Instead, she was exposed to Spike and the world, and she didn't even know what to do with Spike. She'd said he was her responsibility, but the way he was acting? What the fuck did it mean?
She crossed her arms over her chest. "Can I trust you, Spike?"
"Probably not."
She hastened to prove him wrong. After all...
"Your soul - "
"My soul's gone," he said. He looked away from her again, to the street this time, as if pondering a rapid exit.
"It left when I came through the portal."
Of course. Of course it had. Buffy forced herself to keep breathing. That was obvious. The one thing he'd been wanting since he'd found her again on the other side.
"So, coming home?" she asked, swallowing down her fear and anxiety.
"Seeing you."
The words were so unexpected, Buffy's first instinct was that she had misheard him. The wind had whispered falsehoods in her ear and run off. However, as Buffy looked up, her eyes meeting his, she knew she'd heard correctly. There was no miscommunication. Seeing her...like he was doing now with eyes like ice burning coals.
She blinked.
"Oh." That meant...what?
Spike didn't respond. Instead he plunged his hands into the pockets of his jacket and maintained his distance from her.
"I don't - " she started to say but Spike cut her off.
"I'm afraid," he said. He paused to make sure he had Buffy's attention. "I'm afraid...of what I can do. That girl, Mandy?" He nodded his head in the direction she'd run off. "Should've enjoyed scaring her. But I didn't. Spent the past five years living off pig's blood and marshmallows. Guess I've gone soft."
"So even without your soul, you don't want to..."
"Feed? I'd love to. Or I think I would. I remember loving it." He shook his head. "Not going to, though."
"Why not?"
He laughed a ragged laugh. "Tiny cricket chirping in my ear? Don't rightly know, pet. My own conviction, I s'pose. Oh, and you."
Buffy tensed. "Me. I can't - "
"I mean you'll stake me right good if I step out of line, won't you?" His eyes pleaded.
She could do that much. Whatever doubts Buffy had as to her suitability as a tiny conscience cricket, she was confident in her ability to stake demons. "Yes."
He spread his arms in a typically grandiose gesture. "So, then." He looked around the alley. "Welcome home?"
Buffy wrapped her arms around herself rather than around him.Were hugs appropriate? Was anything appropriate? What were they doing? What was the next step? Seeing him should have calmed so many of her fears and trepidations, but it only seemed to multiply the endless onslaught of questions pounding in her head.
****
"Let me walk you to your crypt," Buffy said.
Spike hadn't expected that. Being out of his jacket revealed how small and worn she was. Weary. Yet she was offering to walk him to his crypt like some lovesick college boy?
He didn't know her game. He didn't know his game. The events of the past few days had thoroughly emaciated the more substantial regions of his brain. Thoughts were a step beyond him, and the future was untenable but for the imposing present.
Spike tilted his head. "You look close to dropping. Better, I think, for you to get to bed."
"You have a bed at your crypt."
Spike remained silent, but his eyes widened in surprise. Buffy didn't fidget under the microscope.
Was she asking for...?
They hadn't fucked for a while now. Hell, as soon as Buffy got her powers back she'd been hands off. All tease, no give.
Spike felt as if he had a expansive map of the world, but everything was unlabeled and unfamiliar and Buffy was at some unknown location. He couldn't pin her down, and he didn't know how to react to her. She scared him.
"Don't you?" she prompted.
He snapped out of his shock and nodded. He looked down to her feet. "Yeah. Course."
"Then, let's go."
If she wanted to fuck, he wouldn't turn her down. She looked better than ever before. Not as scrawny as she had been, not as wasted. Her shoulders held higher and her chin raised just a bit more. He wished he'd been able to see her during the fight at the portal. The thought of her wielding that axe while clouded in his jacket rushed blood to his lower regions.
Fuck, he wanted her.
He closed his eyes to shut out her signal, try to calm himself down, otherwise he'd never make the distance to his crypt. His other senses picked up the slack. The tapping sound of her cross-trainers on the cement sidewalk. The radiant brilliance that ebbed from her body. The creeping smell of blood...
"You bleeding?" Spike asked. They were only halfway down Keller St. and were still several blocks away from his crypt.
Buffy frowned and her eyebrows knitted together. "Got a bit knocked around by one of the demons opening the portal." She gently rubbed at her side. "It's already healing."
"Good," he nodded.
"Was it difficult getting back through?" Buffy asked, picking up the conversational ball. "Since Dehevret showed up when I went through? That meant...did you get captured? God, I didn't even think of that."
Probably better if she hadn't ever thought of it. Spike didn't want to think of those last days before coming home. He certainly didn't want Buffy knowing anything of them.
Spike shrugged in a show of nonchalance, but his nerves didn't feel it.
"Spent some time as a captive, yeah. Managed to keep myself close to the portal, though, like you told me to."
"Good," Buffy echoed his earlier statement. "I don't suppose you got a chance to kill Dehevret before coming back over?"
Spike's stride stuttered.
If she knew, she'd run away from him right? Like that girl, Mandy, frightened and running in terror. He couldn't bear the thought of driving her away.
"Sorry to say I didn't take out any demons on the way over, love." His voice was clipped, and he spoke with a finality intended to close the conversation.
"Oh. Well, they're stuck over there. Let them destroy themselves, right?"
"Right."
He was loathsome, wasn't he? He even knew it. He'd made it home on borrowed goodness, and that had been ripped from him not one minute after he'd crossed over. He still was that demon that had traded in Avery's body and life for his fucking golden ticket.
Yeah, he couldn't bear the thought of driving Buffy away. Almost as much as he couldn't bear the thought of hurting her like he'd hurt...so many others.
Suddenly, the idea of fucking her didn't appeal. He wanted to warn her away, but a more selfish part - the part that would inevitably win out - wanted to cling to her.
They reached his crypt. Spike's mind buzzed with uncertainty.. He couldn't do this, whatever they were about to do. He needed time, and she needed to not be near him.
He dashed ahead of her at the entrance and turned to face her.
"Uh...truth is, I don't actually have a bed, so to speak. I use the sarcophagus when I don't just fall asleep in front of the TV."
Buffy looked nonplussed, hand at her side.
"Oh," she said.
Spike didn't meet her eyes. "I mean, I know what you're after, but I think, what with your being injured and all - "
"We're not having sex," she said.
Spike recoiled as if she'd slugged him in the gut. Wasn't that what this had been about? Spike replayed the evening in his head. She'd wanted to go to bed...
Fuck, she'd wanted to go to bed.
In which case, Spike was even more confused.
"Ever or...? I mean, I wasn't thinking now...unless you wanted..." Spike scrambled to find some hold on the conversation and get back on track with her.
"I'm the Slayer, but even I think sex with a huge axe wound in the gut sounds unappealing."
"So that's the only reason?" Spike asked.
"Spike, I'm really tired." Buffy half-turned away as if to leave.
"Right. Sorry. Um..." He looked around his crypt in dismay.
He had nothing for her. His exhausted Slayer, near-collapsed from fighting for him, and he had nothing to offer except a lumpy armchair and a half-empty box of Weetabix. Why the fuck had she fought so hard for him? Should have left him on the other side.
The anxiety, the energy left him. His body slumped and he wanted nothing more than to retire to the lower level of his crypt and stay sheathed in perpetual darkness. He couldn't trust himself. She couldn't trust him. Best to keep himself away from everything.
"I'm going home to sleep. We'll talk later," she said.
"Okay."
He kept his distance as Buffy walked back down the stairs in front of his crypt.
Funny. He had no soul now, but agony centered in his chest just the same.
He'd been a bloody vessel for souls over there. Not only had he had some mismatched soul shoved in, but he'd had the torment of it being shoved right back out for his own. By all accounts, his chest should be a mass of blood and gore, exposed to the elements and scratched raw from the jagged sins the souls forced him to feel guilt for.
This pain was far worse. It was the pain of watching her walk away, knowing there was nothing he could do for her, knowing that he was wholly unsuitable to even think of helping her. He couldn't even help himself.
Buffy paused when she reached the sparse grass at the bottom of the steps.
"Just," she turned back to him, "tell me straight, Spike. We're in love, right?"
Spike looked down at her from his position at the top of the stairs. Her face was tender, and her eyes wide and hopeful. He didn't see the pathetic coke whore anymore. She was Buffy, and she was bloody beautiful. What wouldn't he give to be able to stay by her side?
"Yeah. We're in love," he said softly.
Buffy smiled. "Good."
When she turned to walk home, Spike's pain was gone.
fin
Author's Note: Thanks for following along, guys! I appreciate it and I hope you enjoyed.
Before anybody asks, I do intend to write a sequel for this fic. Influence of Demons is about Buffy and Spike's efforts to get home from the alternate dimension. Once they're home, that story ends. However, there is still more to be told with this version of the characters. The sequel will deal with their recovery from the various traumas of the other world and how they handle the canon events of S5. As you all are no doubt aware, there are a lot of loose threads hanging, and I hope to tie them up in the sequel. :)
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