For Riley (and Xander) I think Buffy presents a really interesting lens on what we consider "good" men. Because really? They are. They stand for that. A lot of their basic goals and behaviors align them firmly with the good. All the same, they have some pretty alarming actions (and words) at certain parts of the story and even more problematic, the show is fairly sympathetic to them when they behave in such a way. I'd be less bothered by it if the narrative was less approving.
I think where Riley really fails for me is this: It seems very relevant to me to explore Buffy's relationship with a "typical/traditional" male because in many ways her role as slayer makes it impossible to take on and maintain the "traditional" female role in a patriarchal society. A "good" guy like Riley may be a good guy, but he's still groomed by society to play a certain role in his (heterosexual) relationships. Not only that, the concept of "maleness" is tied into that. So not only does it conflict with what he was taught to expect out of relationships, but also what he was taught to expect out of that.
By placing 100% of the blame on Buffy (and ultimately I feel that the narrative does that) it also undermines the message of a powerful female figure that she represents. It is as if saying that she should have given up her power and her role for him. That upsets me.
For Riley (and Xander) I think Buffy presents a really interesting lens on what we consider "good" men. Because really? They are. They stand for that. A lot of their basic goals and behaviors align them firmly with the good. All the same, they have some pretty alarming actions (and words) at certain parts of the story and even more problematic, the show is fairly sympathetic to them when they behave in such a way. I'd be less bothered by it if the narrative was less approving.
I think where Riley really fails for me is this: It seems very relevant to me to explore Buffy's relationship with a "typical/traditional" male because in many ways her role as slayer makes it impossible to take on and maintain the "traditional" female role in a patriarchal society. A "good" guy like Riley may be a good guy, but he's still groomed by society to play a certain role in his (heterosexual) relationships. Not only that, the concept of "maleness" is tied into that. So not only does it conflict with what he was taught to expect out of relationships, but also what he was taught to expect out of that.
By placing 100% of the blame on Buffy (and ultimately I feel that the narrative does that) it also undermines the message of a powerful female figure that she represents. It is as if saying that she should have given up her power and her role for him. That upsets me.
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