Sunday rape linkspam
It's that time of the week, folks. Disclaimers!
1. Trigger warning! Links deal with rape; click with care.
2. I don't always agree 100% with everything in the linked articles.
3. Sometimes there will be comments on the linked articles. Give them a read-through if you have the chance.
Rape culture:
Salon's Yale fraternity pledges chant about rape - 10/2010
"Sometimes, the post just writes itself: On Wednesday night, Delta Kappa Epsilon pledges marched through Yale's Old Campus -- where most first-year female students are housed -- chanting, "No means yes, yes means anal!" The fraternity pledges were marched blindfolded while barking like soldiers ... with marching orders of anal rape. They also threw in, "My name is Jack, I'm a necrophiliac, I fuck dead women." A video of the initiation was immediately posted on YouTube and, what do you know, it's gone viral."
The Curvature's When Men Who Rape Aren't Rapists - 9/2008
"People seem to think that something only counts as rape if committed by someone they don't like. When it's someone you know? Someone who may have done other, good things with his life? Can't be rape. Must be something else. A "mistake," perhaps.
Rape is not a "mistake." It is something that is wrong to do. It is something that should always be regretted on the part of the rapist, not that it does any good. But to say "mistake" indicates that the decision was made simply out of poor judgment, and that falls a little too closely to "accident." When you defend yourself or someone else with "but it was a mistake," it's usually just a sly way of saying "but I didn't mean it, and so it doesn't really count." You don't mistakenly pick up a woman in your car, drive her to the cemetery and rape her. When doing so, you certainly do "mean it." It is a deliberate choice. So no, Priolo did not make a terrible and hurtful mistake. He made the terrible and hurtful decision to rape a woman."
Sports:
Womens eNews' Victims of Rapes by Athletes Go Public - 3/2005
"A new incident involving athletes and assault emerges every two days according to Redmond's organization, one of less than a handful of organizations trying to collect data on the phenomena. But with less than 20 percent of victims ever coming forward, the actual number of many women and young girls are assaulted by athletes in a year remains unknown.
"You have to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt and when an athlete walks into the courtroom the reasonable doubt is right there," says Redmond. "Jurors, lawyers, judges, law enforcement--everyone--is thinking 'he's on television; I've seen him do charitable work; he's a stellar guy, a hero' and immediately they identify with the athlete.""
Consent:
Shakesville's A Modest Proposal: The Thorny Issue of Sexual Consent - 10/2007
"1. ALWAYS get consent from the other person(s) involved before engaging in sex. Awkward as it may sound, I have found that most people who want to have sex with me actually enjoy being asked. (I still ask my partner of many years, and y'know what? -- it tickles her pink! -- no pun intended) Yes, this means that you may have to deal with the inconvenient fact that your prospective partner is too drunk/unconscious to either comprehend your question or answer you -- but in that case --DO NOT PROCEED. See? Isn't that simple?
2. If, at any time during the sexual engagement, your partner says "Stop", "No", "Don't" -- then stop, no, DON'T! If your partner resists you physically -- stop, no, don't. Immediately. DO NOT PROCEED. (There are some exceptions to this rule if you are engaging in consensual S/M, but if you're playing those games without talking it over first and employing "safe words", you deserve whatever fallout you get, AFAIC.)"
Child sexual abuse:
Save the Children's No One to Turn To: The under-reporting of child sexual exploitation and abuse by aid workers and peacekeepers (PDF) - 2008
"As Figure 1 (overleaf) shows, focus group participants identified coerced sex as more common than forced sex. Children as young as six are trading sex with aid workers and peacekeepers in exchange for food, money, soap and, in a very few cases, luxury items such as mobile phones.Although forced sex was reported to be the least common, adults and children in all
fieldwork locations visited as part of this study emphasised that it was of key concern to them. Many incidences of forced sex perpetrated by individuals and groups were cited.Verbal sexual abuse was identified to be the most common. Cases of sexual touching were cited by more than half the fieldwork participants and kissing by just over one-third."
The Problem:
"I think the argument is that every person is responsible for their own actions and decisions. For example, you cannot control whether or not you get raped. What can you control, as a woman? Not walking alone at night, having a buddy that checks in on you, and making smart decisions for yourself. As a woman, therefore, I chose to try to not walk by myself late at night and to not go to parties or strange rooms without friends (Unless of course my intention was to have sex). Just because someone took it too far doesn't make you an angel. Take responsibility for your own choices. They did not drug her; she chose to drink. She wasn't black out drunk or passed out or incapable of giving consent. She was a girl who got drunk and either made a decision she regretted later or put herself in a bad situation. If its the latter, its not her fault that she got raped, but yes, she could have prevented that. Its called common sense and guys are not the only ones that need a large dose of it!" - (link)
"And then when oh when will we address the very real issue of culpability of a (choose one): mother of two, college student, young woman, "exotic dancer," stripper, whore...someone who knowingly and willingly offered her services as an ongoing concern on her part, who entered an event she was booked for and expected to be paid for--whether it was 2 guys or 40, she went in there knowingly breaking a lot of laws. She does not get a pass because she's a mom. In my eyes she's already a horrible mother, because that can't be the one and only option she has to make money to raise her children. (Um, where's dad? another topic for another time) She does not get a pass because she's black. Remind me again where color predicts stupid. Aha, you don't believe that, do you? OK, she's held accountable for her actions like any adult, college student, parent ought to be. Oh, she doesn't get a pass because she's a woman, either. What does a "sex worker" (gotta love that term) expect in terms of behavior when she introduces her sexuality, sans clothes, and quite possibly the addition of sex (for money, of course) to a couple or a roomful of drunken men? No, really, people. When you women see a Chippendales Show, do you politely applaude their athleticism, the lithe way they incorporate movements to good music? Do you, in short, behave in a civilized manner? If not, then I politely encourage you to stfu already.
No one deserves to be assaulted, raped, battered, treated like anything less than a mature human. No one. But really, why are we surprised this is happening, has been happening, continues to happen? While we all do some much-needed work on the piggish and thuggish nature of men's uncivilized behavior, could we take a few moments to acknowledge the truth: it doesn't happen without women willing to dance, strip, fellate and fuck for money. Call it a frat party, call it a strip club, call it the "sex industry." If women simply chose self-respect instead of whoring and all its variations, the world would be a much better place, especially for that gender." (link)
1. Trigger warning! Links deal with rape; click with care.
2. I don't always agree 100% with everything in the linked articles.
3. Sometimes there will be comments on the linked articles. Give them a read-through if you have the chance.
Rape culture:
Salon's Yale fraternity pledges chant about rape - 10/2010
"Sometimes, the post just writes itself: On Wednesday night, Delta Kappa Epsilon pledges marched through Yale's Old Campus -- where most first-year female students are housed -- chanting, "No means yes, yes means anal!" The fraternity pledges were marched blindfolded while barking like soldiers ... with marching orders of anal rape. They also threw in, "My name is Jack, I'm a necrophiliac, I fuck dead women." A video of the initiation was immediately posted on YouTube and, what do you know, it's gone viral."
The Curvature's When Men Who Rape Aren't Rapists - 9/2008
"People seem to think that something only counts as rape if committed by someone they don't like. When it's someone you know? Someone who may have done other, good things with his life? Can't be rape. Must be something else. A "mistake," perhaps.
Rape is not a "mistake." It is something that is wrong to do. It is something that should always be regretted on the part of the rapist, not that it does any good. But to say "mistake" indicates that the decision was made simply out of poor judgment, and that falls a little too closely to "accident." When you defend yourself or someone else with "but it was a mistake," it's usually just a sly way of saying "but I didn't mean it, and so it doesn't really count." You don't mistakenly pick up a woman in your car, drive her to the cemetery and rape her. When doing so, you certainly do "mean it." It is a deliberate choice. So no, Priolo did not make a terrible and hurtful mistake. He made the terrible and hurtful decision to rape a woman."
Sports:
Womens eNews' Victims of Rapes by Athletes Go Public - 3/2005
"A new incident involving athletes and assault emerges every two days according to Redmond's organization, one of less than a handful of organizations trying to collect data on the phenomena. But with less than 20 percent of victims ever coming forward, the actual number of many women and young girls are assaulted by athletes in a year remains unknown.
"You have to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt and when an athlete walks into the courtroom the reasonable doubt is right there," says Redmond. "Jurors, lawyers, judges, law enforcement--everyone--is thinking 'he's on television; I've seen him do charitable work; he's a stellar guy, a hero' and immediately they identify with the athlete.""
Consent:
Shakesville's A Modest Proposal: The Thorny Issue of Sexual Consent - 10/2007
"1. ALWAYS get consent from the other person(s) involved before engaging in sex. Awkward as it may sound, I have found that most people who want to have sex with me actually enjoy being asked. (I still ask my partner of many years, and y'know what? -- it tickles her pink! -- no pun intended) Yes, this means that you may have to deal with the inconvenient fact that your prospective partner is too drunk/unconscious to either comprehend your question or answer you -- but in that case --DO NOT PROCEED. See? Isn't that simple?
2. If, at any time during the sexual engagement, your partner says "Stop", "No", "Don't" -- then stop, no, DON'T! If your partner resists you physically -- stop, no, don't. Immediately. DO NOT PROCEED. (There are some exceptions to this rule if you are engaging in consensual S/M, but if you're playing those games without talking it over first and employing "safe words", you deserve whatever fallout you get, AFAIC.)"
Child sexual abuse:
Save the Children's No One to Turn To: The under-reporting of child sexual exploitation and abuse by aid workers and peacekeepers (PDF) - 2008
"As Figure 1 (overleaf) shows, focus group participants identified coerced sex as more common than forced sex. Children as young as six are trading sex with aid workers and peacekeepers in exchange for food, money, soap and, in a very few cases, luxury items such as mobile phones.Although forced sex was reported to be the least common, adults and children in all
fieldwork locations visited as part of this study emphasised that it was of key concern to them. Many incidences of forced sex perpetrated by individuals and groups were cited.Verbal sexual abuse was identified to be the most common. Cases of sexual touching were cited by more than half the fieldwork participants and kissing by just over one-third."
The Problem:
"I think the argument is that every person is responsible for their own actions and decisions. For example, you cannot control whether or not you get raped. What can you control, as a woman? Not walking alone at night, having a buddy that checks in on you, and making smart decisions for yourself. As a woman, therefore, I chose to try to not walk by myself late at night and to not go to parties or strange rooms without friends (Unless of course my intention was to have sex). Just because someone took it too far doesn't make you an angel. Take responsibility for your own choices. They did not drug her; she chose to drink. She wasn't black out drunk or passed out or incapable of giving consent. She was a girl who got drunk and either made a decision she regretted later or put herself in a bad situation. If its the latter, its not her fault that she got raped, but yes, she could have prevented that. Its called common sense and guys are not the only ones that need a large dose of it!" - (link)
"And then when oh when will we address the very real issue of culpability of a (choose one): mother of two, college student, young woman, "exotic dancer," stripper, whore...someone who knowingly and willingly offered her services as an ongoing concern on her part, who entered an event she was booked for and expected to be paid for--whether it was 2 guys or 40, she went in there knowingly breaking a lot of laws. She does not get a pass because she's a mom. In my eyes she's already a horrible mother, because that can't be the one and only option she has to make money to raise her children. (Um, where's dad? another topic for another time) She does not get a pass because she's black. Remind me again where color predicts stupid. Aha, you don't believe that, do you? OK, she's held accountable for her actions like any adult, college student, parent ought to be. Oh, she doesn't get a pass because she's a woman, either. What does a "sex worker" (gotta love that term) expect in terms of behavior when she introduces her sexuality, sans clothes, and quite possibly the addition of sex (for money, of course) to a couple or a roomful of drunken men? No, really, people. When you women see a Chippendales Show, do you politely applaude their athleticism, the lithe way they incorporate movements to good music? Do you, in short, behave in a civilized manner? If not, then I politely encourage you to stfu already.
No one deserves to be assaulted, raped, battered, treated like anything less than a mature human. No one. But really, why are we surprised this is happening, has been happening, continues to happen? While we all do some much-needed work on the piggish and thuggish nature of men's uncivilized behavior, could we take a few moments to acknowledge the truth: it doesn't happen without women willing to dance, strip, fellate and fuck for money. Call it a frat party, call it a strip club, call it the "sex industry." If women simply chose self-respect instead of whoring and all its variations, the world would be a much better place, especially for that gender." (link)