Two Penguin Tales
I was sitting in one of my classes today and I thought to myself, "Self, what this world needs is another all-penguin AU Spuffy fic, penguin!Andrew style."
And since I thought it, it had to come to be.
And it did.
Also, as a bonus, there's an all-penguin Willow/Tara short based on this well-publicized gay penguin couple.
Oh, and I know very little about penguins. I don't think anybody's going for factual accuracy with these, right?
Title: The Poet Behind the Penguin
Pairing: Spuffy...a little bit of Spandrew
Word count: 738 words
Hello, gentle waddlers.
I know you're probably warbling deep down in your foliage-covered bellies to hear this. A penguin telling stories! Ridiculous! After all, penguins are meant to slide on ice and eat fish, not to engage in the tradition of passing down their rich history by beak.
But I, you see, am a revolutionary penguin who lives in revolutionary times. To not share these stories would be doing a disservice to ourselves. So I bravely step into the role of storyteller for our waddle.
We have in our midst the bravest of penguins: Buffy. She is known as the Slayer of the vampire penguins - fierce-some, unnatural creatures who drink the blood of other penguins for survival. Buffy is the protector of our waddle and has saved every one of us on many occasion.
It is not Buffy I wish to speak of, though. It is, instead, her paramour. Spike. Spike, himself, is a vampire penguin. However, he proved himself capable of redemption when he went to obtain a shoal for Buffy.
This offering of many fish pleased Buffy, and the two have been a team ever since.
Spike is one of the most sought-after of penguins. Despite his undead status, his plumage is magnificent, and his earlier life in a different rookery has given him a rather sexy accent. For example, instead of saying, "Kaarrk!" he'll say, "Kaarr'!" I told you it was sexy.
The most attractive thing about Spike, though, is undeniably his poet's heart which he reveals only to a few.
But I have seen that heart, gentle waddlers. And it is that tale that I tell today.
It was a beautiful, icy-cool day. I was waddling off to the ice floes in solitude as the other, meaner penguins refused to let me play keepaway from the jellyfish. (Hear that, guys? I hope you hear this story and realize how stupid your empty, banal existence is!)
As I came around the corner of an ice mountain, though, I noticed a scuffling noise accompanied by loud squawking. Never one to shirk from danger, I boldly advanced on whatever confrontation was taking place.
It was Spike, and he was in a defensive stance, feet wide apart and flippers held at ready. At his feet was another penguin I'd never seen before. The pallid look of her feathers told me she was a vampire, though.
In ordinary circumstances, I would have strode forward to rid the world of the vampire penguin (Buffy trains me, you see). However, I knew Spike could take her. So I, instead, hung back and decided to recount his deed.
Spike looked conflicted, though, and worry lines marred his well-sculpted and handsome face (Cheekbones you could sharpen your beak on).
The other vampire looked up at him. "Kaaarrkkk!"
I gasped (And almost fell over, but that's because it was slippery). Spike knew this penguin. She was a figure from his past life as an evil vampire penguin.
The strange, yet beautiful, penguin stood and waddled enticingly toward Spike. "Kaarrk," she said while she caressed Spike's flipper with her own.
Spike just shook his head sadly before dusting her. Her remains mixed with the snow.
Then he turned to me. "Kaarrr'."
I nodded in understanding. That was Drusilla, his old love. Knowing that he'd be in an emotional state, I waddled forward with the intent of comforting him. However, as I was doing so, Buffy approached us.
"Kaark?" she asked.
Spike attempted to keep a stiff upper beak. "Karrr'." He shrugged his flippers in nonchalance.
Buffy gave me that look that told me to take a waddle. So I did (Because, as you know, you don't mess with Buffy).
Obviously, I was not there for the scene that followed. I am confident in my skills of recreating what took place with realistic accuracy, though.
Spike thrashed around, waving his flippers madly and kicking the snow up in dusty clouds around him. Buffy chest-bumped him to make him calm down.
"Kaark!" she said with heaving breast-feathers.
Spike pushed her away, squawking incoherently.
Buffy's not one to be brushed aside, though. She reared back and, with a mighty squawk, swung her entire body onto Spike's. They both tumbled to the ground together, sliding on the ice for a few waddlemeters.
It was then that Spike began to cry tears of penguin sorrow. Buffy nuzzled him and made trilling noises in her throat to soothe him.
They mated, but I'll leave the details out as I see there are some chicks here.
The end.
Title: Bargaining for an Egg
Pairing: Willow/Tara-ish. Has Spuffy, as well.
Word count: 313 words
"Kaark!" Tara said when Willow waddled back to their colony.
Willow offered the fish she'd caught to Tara, who'd been doing the hard work egg-sitting today. As Tara ate, Willow peered at the tiny rock they'd adopted as their egg. Willow had been hoping she could get it to hatch like all the other couples', but it didn't seem to be working.
And she'd tried everything! Dancing, appealing to the penguin gods, sacrificing a tern (she hoped Tara never found out about that), and even a little blood-letting ritual. Nothing had breathed life into the rock!egg, though.
Willow's flippers shrugged in a disappointed sigh. Tara nuzzled at her neck.
There had to be a solution!
Tara's nuzzling was taking a more erotic turn when Willow had a moment of inspiration. She gave Tara a love-peck before waddling off across the colony to Buffy and Spike's nest.
As she predicted, Buffy and Spike were mating. Again. They already had an egg, but they were always doing it.
They were distracted, though, so Willow swooped in and scooped up the egg, trying to be as invisible as possible as she guided it over to where Tara was waiting.
The impact came from behind. Buffy body-slammed her with an unexpected amount of force.
"Kaaarrkkkkk!" Buffy said angrily. Spike was already fetching the egg as Buffy lectured Willow.
Willow looked down in shame. Buffy was right. She had gone too far. She'd tried to steal her best friend's egg.
"Kaark," Willow admitted.
Buffy sighed. "Kaarrk."
A commotion from the center of the colony caused both Buffy and Willow to turn their heads. It was Angel and the impossibly egg-bearing vampire penguin, Darla.
"Kaark!" Willow scoffed with a roll of her eyes. It's not like either Angel or Darla could even keep the egg warm.
Then Willow had another moment of inspiration. She turned slowly to meet Buffy's eyes.
Buffy nodded. "Kaark."
Willow bounced with excitement.
And since I thought it, it had to come to be.
And it did.
Also, as a bonus, there's an all-penguin Willow/Tara short based on this well-publicized gay penguin couple.
Oh, and I know very little about penguins. I don't think anybody's going for factual accuracy with these, right?
Title: The Poet Behind the Penguin
Pairing: Spuffy...a little bit of Spandrew
Word count: 738 words
Hello, gentle waddlers.
I know you're probably warbling deep down in your foliage-covered bellies to hear this. A penguin telling stories! Ridiculous! After all, penguins are meant to slide on ice and eat fish, not to engage in the tradition of passing down their rich history by beak.
But I, you see, am a revolutionary penguin who lives in revolutionary times. To not share these stories would be doing a disservice to ourselves. So I bravely step into the role of storyteller for our waddle.
We have in our midst the bravest of penguins: Buffy. She is known as the Slayer of the vampire penguins - fierce-some, unnatural creatures who drink the blood of other penguins for survival. Buffy is the protector of our waddle and has saved every one of us on many occasion.
It is not Buffy I wish to speak of, though. It is, instead, her paramour. Spike. Spike, himself, is a vampire penguin. However, he proved himself capable of redemption when he went to obtain a shoal for Buffy.
This offering of many fish pleased Buffy, and the two have been a team ever since.
Spike is one of the most sought-after of penguins. Despite his undead status, his plumage is magnificent, and his earlier life in a different rookery has given him a rather sexy accent. For example, instead of saying, "Kaarrk!" he'll say, "Kaarr'!" I told you it was sexy.
The most attractive thing about Spike, though, is undeniably his poet's heart which he reveals only to a few.
But I have seen that heart, gentle waddlers. And it is that tale that I tell today.
It was a beautiful, icy-cool day. I was waddling off to the ice floes in solitude as the other, meaner penguins refused to let me play keepaway from the jellyfish. (Hear that, guys? I hope you hear this story and realize how stupid your empty, banal existence is!)
As I came around the corner of an ice mountain, though, I noticed a scuffling noise accompanied by loud squawking. Never one to shirk from danger, I boldly advanced on whatever confrontation was taking place.
It was Spike, and he was in a defensive stance, feet wide apart and flippers held at ready. At his feet was another penguin I'd never seen before. The pallid look of her feathers told me she was a vampire, though.
In ordinary circumstances, I would have strode forward to rid the world of the vampire penguin (Buffy trains me, you see). However, I knew Spike could take her. So I, instead, hung back and decided to recount his deed.
Spike looked conflicted, though, and worry lines marred his well-sculpted and handsome face (Cheekbones you could sharpen your beak on).
The other vampire looked up at him. "Kaaarrkkk!"
I gasped (And almost fell over, but that's because it was slippery). Spike knew this penguin. She was a figure from his past life as an evil vampire penguin.
The strange, yet beautiful, penguin stood and waddled enticingly toward Spike. "Kaarrk," she said while she caressed Spike's flipper with her own.
Spike just shook his head sadly before dusting her. Her remains mixed with the snow.
Then he turned to me. "Kaarrr'."
I nodded in understanding. That was Drusilla, his old love. Knowing that he'd be in an emotional state, I waddled forward with the intent of comforting him. However, as I was doing so, Buffy approached us.
"Kaark?" she asked.
Spike attempted to keep a stiff upper beak. "Karrr'." He shrugged his flippers in nonchalance.
Buffy gave me that look that told me to take a waddle. So I did (Because, as you know, you don't mess with Buffy).
Obviously, I was not there for the scene that followed. I am confident in my skills of recreating what took place with realistic accuracy, though.
Spike thrashed around, waving his flippers madly and kicking the snow up in dusty clouds around him. Buffy chest-bumped him to make him calm down.
"Kaark!" she said with heaving breast-feathers.
Spike pushed her away, squawking incoherently.
Buffy's not one to be brushed aside, though. She reared back and, with a mighty squawk, swung her entire body onto Spike's. They both tumbled to the ground together, sliding on the ice for a few waddlemeters.
It was then that Spike began to cry tears of penguin sorrow. Buffy nuzzled him and made trilling noises in her throat to soothe him.
They mated, but I'll leave the details out as I see there are some chicks here.
The end.
Title: Bargaining for an Egg
Pairing: Willow/Tara-ish. Has Spuffy, as well.
Word count: 313 words
"Kaark!" Tara said when Willow waddled back to their colony.
Willow offered the fish she'd caught to Tara, who'd been doing the hard work egg-sitting today. As Tara ate, Willow peered at the tiny rock they'd adopted as their egg. Willow had been hoping she could get it to hatch like all the other couples', but it didn't seem to be working.
And she'd tried everything! Dancing, appealing to the penguin gods, sacrificing a tern (she hoped Tara never found out about that), and even a little blood-letting ritual. Nothing had breathed life into the rock!egg, though.
Willow's flippers shrugged in a disappointed sigh. Tara nuzzled at her neck.
There had to be a solution!
Tara's nuzzling was taking a more erotic turn when Willow had a moment of inspiration. She gave Tara a love-peck before waddling off across the colony to Buffy and Spike's nest.
As she predicted, Buffy and Spike were mating. Again. They already had an egg, but they were always doing it.
They were distracted, though, so Willow swooped in and scooped up the egg, trying to be as invisible as possible as she guided it over to where Tara was waiting.
The impact came from behind. Buffy body-slammed her with an unexpected amount of force.
"Kaaarrkkkkk!" Buffy said angrily. Spike was already fetching the egg as Buffy lectured Willow.
Willow looked down in shame. Buffy was right. She had gone too far. She'd tried to steal her best friend's egg.
"Kaark," Willow admitted.
Buffy sighed. "Kaarrk."
A commotion from the center of the colony caused both Buffy and Willow to turn their heads. It was Angel and the impossibly egg-bearing vampire penguin, Darla.
"Kaark!" Willow scoffed with a roll of her eyes. It's not like either Angel or Darla could even keep the egg warm.
Then Willow had another moment of inspiration. She turned slowly to meet Buffy's eyes.
Buffy nodded. "Kaark."
Willow bounced with excitement.