My thoughts on LJ...let me show you them...
Allow me a moment to get rambly. Very rambling. This post is prompted by some recent posts and comments and such. Just general thoughts floating around, causing me to get all navel-gazey. I seriously doubt anybody will read all of it, and that's completely cool. I'm not expecting it. In fact, just skip it. Yep. Skip it all.
In happy news, Lotophagi has been nominated at the RWSA awards for Best Het. It's my most pretentious story EVER!!!
*ahem*
Thanks very much to whoever nominated it. I was surprised and pleased to see it get a nod.
Now let me delve into some pensivity (Yes, it's a word. Really). Cause these fic award things always feel strange for me. When I get nominated. Because I've never been very confident in my writing skills. When I was younger, my best friend and I wanted to be writers. She could write gorgeous prose, and I had a frighteningly overactive imagination and could provide ideas. Together, we were an unstoppable team! Until I realized she's a lit snob who looks down on genre fiction, which is my thing.
Anyway, prose...not something I've ever been good at. I've settled for merely functional prose. But pretty writing. Writing that sucks you in, engrosses you, makes you feel, makes you care...I don't think I quite have that. Actually, the work I'm most proud of prose-wise is Everything a Big Bad Wolf Could Want, ironically enough. And that story kinda pulled an Athena on me. Almost no editing required. I just sat down, wrote it, and it was good. I think I was possessed or something.
But writing...yeah, I don't really identify as a writer very much. Because I'm not too convinced I'm that good at it. I think I'm decent at coming up with stories. Outlines. But actually writing it? Yeah...not so much.
Which is odd, because I originally entered fandom to share my writing. My fanfic, Lingering, that I'd been working on. I lurked in fandom for a long time. Long long time. And I often think that I'm still a lurker at heart, because I have a tendency to just nose around and read a lot without commenting.
But I got my LJ to have a place to put my fanfic and to get involved in the community. Cause, see, I wanted to discuss and share my thoughts on the show. Course, my thoughts on the show have changed somewhat over time, but I suppose that's normal.
However, the recent closing of Geocities made me start thinking (See, I told you this was prompted by a whole lotta shit), and I think I think of my journal differently than most people think of theirs. Yes, I had a Geocities website. I had several of them, actually. And we're not talking 2000 here or anything. We're talking mid-90s. Yep. I had blinky text. What of it?
At that time when you made a website on Geocities, though, you made it with the intention of sharing it with everybody. That was the point of the internet. Enabling communication worldwide. Reaching oodles of people all across the globe. So putting a site up on Geocities was like setting out a beacon for everybody to come see your awesomeness.
And that mentality stuck with me. Even though the net's changed a lot now, and privacy is a big thing. Facebook and Myspace have privacy settings. You set those sites up to reach a select group: friends. You're not trying to reach a large audience.
But I don't get that. Never have. After I outgrew Geocities (about the time Yahoo ate it), I went to paid hosting. Domain names. I still expected people to come visit my site. Usually without telling me. No feedback. I never expected feedback, because that's not what people do when they visit a site. They take in information. Occasionally, you'll get someone sending you an email. But that's like a bonus. No, you just set your shit out there, flip on the beacon, and hope someone notices.
So that was my mentality when setting up an LJ. Which sounds silly, because LJ is so insular. With the friendslists and the immediacy of responses and such, establishing a journal like an old-school Web 1.0 website sounds dumb. But that's what I wanted to do, because I just wanted to get my thoughts on Buffy out there. As much as possible. And if people responded, that's fantastic. But it's a bonus.
Course, that was over a year ago, and I've now been fully sucked into the LJ culture. I never expected to actually do personal or flocked posts, but I have. Because the social networking aspect of LJ got to me, and I've made friends. It operates on a different level than those websites would, because you do have the regular back-and-forth with people. You do have other LJs responding to each other. You do get the personal mixed with the public.
Yet I still have that old-school mentality. So I feel weird when someone apologizes for not leaving feedback on some piece of meta or fic, because...well, I just assume most people don't. That's why I make an effort to respond to feedback. Because...um...bonus.
That's also why friending "rules" seem odd to me. Because I don't see the need to restrict my audience most of the time. My LJ, in concept, is like a fannish website. An open forum. Yeah, I mod it when I need to (which is rarely). But it's as much for my audience as it is for me.
I know that's kinda odd. Because it means I feel something of a responsibility for updating with Buffy content and such. And I do, because I love providing meaningful (or fangirlish) Buffy thoughts. But that thought goes against the grain on a journalling site where the journal is supposed to be All About You! Cause mine isn't, really. Yeah, the flocked posts are. But the public posts aren't.
And I prefer it that way, because I literally have no idea how to have a fandom journal that isn't as much for the readers as it is for me. That's how I learned to do sites on the internet. They're for the user. The navigation, the colors, the layout, the content...make it user-friendly. Make it relevant. Make it interesting.
The kink (and not the sexy kind, but like when your water hose gets all fucked up) in this is that I have that same mentality while reading meta and such on LJ. And so my immediate instinct is not to leave feedback on much, unless it really provokes a reaction. Which is bad, because the community aspect of LJ is also important, and I've come to get more involved in that. So I'm trying to get better at leaving feedback, even if it's just a comment to say that I read something.
This is all very rambly. See, I warned you! I suppose this is just me laying out my thought pattern behind my LJ, even though most people probably don't care. Just a bunch of different conversations along with the shutdown of Geocities made things click about why I think of my LJ the way I do, and why that differs from how most people seem to view their LJ.
Tying this back in to the fic awards, given this mentality, it feels very odd to be nominated for awards for something. Because writing fanfic, writing meta, etc...not done with getting kudos in mind. And it kinda jolts me when I get kudos for any of it, because...it just feels odd. Or I've had people tell me that my LJ is good for discussions, which is meant as a compliment. And that feels odd, because the discussions are all because of the readers and commenters. Other fans providing thoughts, insights, and debate. That ain't me at all.
Gah...I think that all might seem like a faux-humility fishing for compliments deal, but it isn't. It's a genuine humility there because the mentality I have behind my LJ means that...well...the meta and fics aren't about me. They're not for me. They're not something I really require recognition for. I just like providing some new ideas. Rephrasing old ideas. Providing space to share opinions. Share thoughts. Discuss. Learn some things. Disagree without bursting into flames. That's what the meta's for. And that's even what the fic's for, just in a more roundabout way.
You know, I think I've rambled far too much. I must go and do some yoga now. Namaste.
In happy news, Lotophagi has been nominated at the RWSA awards for Best Het. It's my most pretentious story EVER!!!
*ahem*
Thanks very much to whoever nominated it. I was surprised and pleased to see it get a nod.
Now let me delve into some pensivity (Yes, it's a word. Really). Cause these fic award things always feel strange for me. When I get nominated. Because I've never been very confident in my writing skills. When I was younger, my best friend and I wanted to be writers. She could write gorgeous prose, and I had a frighteningly overactive imagination and could provide ideas. Together, we were an unstoppable team! Until I realized she's a lit snob who looks down on genre fiction, which is my thing.
Anyway, prose...not something I've ever been good at. I've settled for merely functional prose. But pretty writing. Writing that sucks you in, engrosses you, makes you feel, makes you care...I don't think I quite have that. Actually, the work I'm most proud of prose-wise is Everything a Big Bad Wolf Could Want, ironically enough. And that story kinda pulled an Athena on me. Almost no editing required. I just sat down, wrote it, and it was good. I think I was possessed or something.
But writing...yeah, I don't really identify as a writer very much. Because I'm not too convinced I'm that good at it. I think I'm decent at coming up with stories. Outlines. But actually writing it? Yeah...not so much.
Which is odd, because I originally entered fandom to share my writing. My fanfic, Lingering, that I'd been working on. I lurked in fandom for a long time. Long long time. And I often think that I'm still a lurker at heart, because I have a tendency to just nose around and read a lot without commenting.
But I got my LJ to have a place to put my fanfic and to get involved in the community. Cause, see, I wanted to discuss and share my thoughts on the show. Course, my thoughts on the show have changed somewhat over time, but I suppose that's normal.
However, the recent closing of Geocities made me start thinking (See, I told you this was prompted by a whole lotta shit), and I think I think of my journal differently than most people think of theirs. Yes, I had a Geocities website. I had several of them, actually. And we're not talking 2000 here or anything. We're talking mid-90s. Yep. I had blinky text. What of it?
At that time when you made a website on Geocities, though, you made it with the intention of sharing it with everybody. That was the point of the internet. Enabling communication worldwide. Reaching oodles of people all across the globe. So putting a site up on Geocities was like setting out a beacon for everybody to come see your awesomeness.
And that mentality stuck with me. Even though the net's changed a lot now, and privacy is a big thing. Facebook and Myspace have privacy settings. You set those sites up to reach a select group: friends. You're not trying to reach a large audience.
But I don't get that. Never have. After I outgrew Geocities (about the time Yahoo ate it), I went to paid hosting. Domain names. I still expected people to come visit my site. Usually without telling me. No feedback. I never expected feedback, because that's not what people do when they visit a site. They take in information. Occasionally, you'll get someone sending you an email. But that's like a bonus. No, you just set your shit out there, flip on the beacon, and hope someone notices.
So that was my mentality when setting up an LJ. Which sounds silly, because LJ is so insular. With the friendslists and the immediacy of responses and such, establishing a journal like an old-school Web 1.0 website sounds dumb. But that's what I wanted to do, because I just wanted to get my thoughts on Buffy out there. As much as possible. And if people responded, that's fantastic. But it's a bonus.
Course, that was over a year ago, and I've now been fully sucked into the LJ culture. I never expected to actually do personal or flocked posts, but I have. Because the social networking aspect of LJ got to me, and I've made friends. It operates on a different level than those websites would, because you do have the regular back-and-forth with people. You do have other LJs responding to each other. You do get the personal mixed with the public.
Yet I still have that old-school mentality. So I feel weird when someone apologizes for not leaving feedback on some piece of meta or fic, because...well, I just assume most people don't. That's why I make an effort to respond to feedback. Because...um...bonus.
That's also why friending "rules" seem odd to me. Because I don't see the need to restrict my audience most of the time. My LJ, in concept, is like a fannish website. An open forum. Yeah, I mod it when I need to (which is rarely). But it's as much for my audience as it is for me.
I know that's kinda odd. Because it means I feel something of a responsibility for updating with Buffy content and such. And I do, because I love providing meaningful (or fangirlish) Buffy thoughts. But that thought goes against the grain on a journalling site where the journal is supposed to be All About You! Cause mine isn't, really. Yeah, the flocked posts are. But the public posts aren't.
And I prefer it that way, because I literally have no idea how to have a fandom journal that isn't as much for the readers as it is for me. That's how I learned to do sites on the internet. They're for the user. The navigation, the colors, the layout, the content...make it user-friendly. Make it relevant. Make it interesting.
The kink (and not the sexy kind, but like when your water hose gets all fucked up) in this is that I have that same mentality while reading meta and such on LJ. And so my immediate instinct is not to leave feedback on much, unless it really provokes a reaction. Which is bad, because the community aspect of LJ is also important, and I've come to get more involved in that. So I'm trying to get better at leaving feedback, even if it's just a comment to say that I read something.
This is all very rambly. See, I warned you! I suppose this is just me laying out my thought pattern behind my LJ, even though most people probably don't care. Just a bunch of different conversations along with the shutdown of Geocities made things click about why I think of my LJ the way I do, and why that differs from how most people seem to view their LJ.
Tying this back in to the fic awards, given this mentality, it feels very odd to be nominated for awards for something. Because writing fanfic, writing meta, etc...not done with getting kudos in mind. And it kinda jolts me when I get kudos for any of it, because...it just feels odd. Or I've had people tell me that my LJ is good for discussions, which is meant as a compliment. And that feels odd, because the discussions are all because of the readers and commenters. Other fans providing thoughts, insights, and debate. That ain't me at all.
Gah...I think that all might seem like a faux-humility fishing for compliments deal, but it isn't. It's a genuine humility there because the mentality I have behind my LJ means that...well...the meta and fics aren't about me. They're not for me. They're not something I really require recognition for. I just like providing some new ideas. Rephrasing old ideas. Providing space to share opinions. Share thoughts. Discuss. Learn some things. Disagree without bursting into flames. That's what the meta's for. And that's even what the fic's for, just in a more roundabout way.
You know, I think I've rambled far too much. I must go and do some yoga now. Namaste.