Comments | gabrielleabelle: Guidelines for Rape Discussions: For Men (and Women...but mainly men)

gabrielleabelle

Guidelines for Rape Discussions: For Men (and Women...but mainly men)

Jun 18, 2009 21:04

I've been spending my free time reading through this awesome post and the comments. Most of the comments are fantastic and wonderful and really really make me feel warm and fuzzy in the lamest way possible ("hey, I got really drunk around this guy and he didn't rape me!" "OMG that's awesome ( Read more... )

gabs gets feminist, ot

Comments 88

drknit June 19 2009, 02:57:47 UTC

Awesome post, Gabs.

gabrielleabelle June 19 2009, 03:20:16 UTC

Thanks. It's actually been a long time coming. cereta's post just knocked me out of my laziness.

(The comment has been removed)

gabrielleabelle June 19 2009, 03:20:50 UTC

Thanks. :)

snowpuppies June 19 2009, 03:12:22 UTC

*applauds*

Wonderfully thought out and executed post. I wish I could print it out and staple it to the foreheads of every man I meet.

gabrielleabelle June 19 2009, 03:21:58 UTC

But they can't read it if it's stapled to their forehead! Or...I guess they could read it on some other guy's forehead...heh. :)

Glad you liked it, hon.

snowpuppies June 19 2009, 03:22:55 UTC

We could print it out backwards, that way when they looked in a mirror...

gabrielleabelle June 19 2009, 03:25:46 UTC

Hmmm...now that has possibilities. I'll just go get the flyers printed, you get the stapler.

Thread 10

velvetwhip June 19 2009, 03:47:04 UTC

There are a lot of things I could say. There are a lot of things I would like to say. But right now, there's only one thing I can say:

Thank you.

Gabrielle

gabrielleabelle June 19 2009, 04:03:27 UTC

You're welcome. I'm glad it resonated with you. :)

eowyn_315 June 19 2009, 04:02:22 UTC

Good stuff. I've been perusing the comments on that post every since you linked to it initially, and I was contemplating posting something like this, but you did it much better than I could.

Just a few thoughts:

Don't make it personal because it's not.

Egads, I can't tell you how much I cringe when I see people making the argument, "I was raped, therefore my opinion of Seeing Red [or whatever] is more valid than yours." No, actually, it's not. And just because Buffy didn't act the way you acted when you were raped doesn't mean what happened to her wasn't an attempted rape - everyone reacts differently, and it's not about you.

Believe you me, I wish I could go to a party of someone I only barely know without any back-up from my homegirls, get wildly drunk, then rely on Random Guy to get me home.

You know, I used to chat with a guy I met through an internet forum who repeatedly suggested that I come visit him and go to one of the parties he and his friends threw. And he just did not get why I refused to come to a strange city, ( ... )

gabrielleabelle June 19 2009, 04:26:09 UTC

Egads, I can't tell you how much I cringe when I see people making the argument, "I was raped, therefore my opinion of Seeing Red [or whatever] is more valid than yours." No, actually, it's not. And just because Buffy didn't act the way you acted when you were raped doesn't mean what happened to her wasn't an attempted rape - everyone reacts differently, and it's not about you.

Oh, yes. Course, there is room in meta discussions to relate a personal experience. However, doing so doesn't make you the final arbiter of what's Right in terms of that scene. It's just...use your judgment, you know? There's always appropriate and inappropriate ways to approach any topic. Common sense, peeps.

And he just did not get why I refused to come to a strange city, alone, go to a party where I only sort of know one person I met on the internet, and then spend the night in an apartment with a bunch of drunk guys I don't know. It is a palpable disconnect sometimes. And, honestly, it just doesn't occur to some people that the world works differently ( ... )

eowyn_315 June 19 2009, 13:16:44 UTC

It is a palpable disconnect sometimes. And, honestly, it just doesn't occur to some people that the world works differently depending on who you are.

Yeah... I like to think he was just a decent guy who wouldn't take advantage of a girl, so it never occurred to him that I might see some risk involved. I usually just fobbed him off with some excuse - oh, it's too far, I'm busy that weekend, I don't want to travel by myself - rather than explaining the real reason, because I imagine he'd have been shocked and offended that I would suggest he or his friends would do anything untoward.

Maybe that's my bad, and I should've taken the risk of offending him in order to enlighten him, but that was years ago, before I'd even really been involved in rape as an Issue, and was more just acting on gut instinct.

gabrielleabelle June 19 2009, 14:27:07 UTC

Maybe that's my bad, and I should've taken the risk of offending him in order to enlighten him, but that was years ago, before I'd even really been involved in rape as an Issue, and was more just acting on gut instinct.

Oh, no. You don't have any obligation to do so. I probably wouldn't have bothered, in all honesty.

Thread 11