Second Star to the Right, and Straight On Till Morning
Or: "To Live Will Be an Awfully Big Adventure"
(It may be strange to some people that I am communicating this through my journal and not in person, but don't be offended. I'm not a great communicator in spoken conversation sometimes. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Some things are too emotional for me to express well in speech & the blank page just works better.)
I'm sure most everyone who knows me is aware that I am currently unwillingly separated from my wife. She's living in Germany and I'm here in Texas. I don't know if I could find the right words to express the heart-crushing pain this causes for me, and for her as well. It's kind of like being half zombie; alive and dead all at once, but still being conscious enough to feel yourself falling apart. Every day, every hour, all the time. It has been this way for too long. I love my wife and I don't want to lose her. I don't want what we have together to continue being damaged by the distance. So what's to be done?
I will be moving to Germany. Some in the family have suggested it, or wondered why I didn't go already. Some may be surprised. Hopefully everyone will be able to understand that its just part of who I am. I have to do what I feel is the right thing. Its kind of like when I joined the army, I am aware that it may be difficult for some of my loved ones, but I feel its the right thing to do. I don't know how it will all work out. I don't know exactly what I'll do when I'm there. I don't know a lot of things. But I do know that I feel its the right thing for me to do. What more can I do in this crazy mixed-up world than try to do what I feel is right?
It will certainly be an awfully big adventure. I do already speak some German, though not as much as I would like, and not enough really to make passable conversation. So I'll be working on that some as I go forward. Also, I have a lot of stuff. Some of it I will be mailing and some of it I will be selling or giving away, or tossing if it's just junk. I will be selling my car for certain, looking for $3000 or so. I don't have a date yet for when I will be leaving. I'll be sure to let people know once I have that pinned down.
So.. kind of short and to the point. As well as I could anyway. Feel free to let me know what you think. Good, bad, or indifferent.
~B