A college friend who was in pre-law decided to forego law school and work in the field of banking instead. His goal was to make his first million one year before the rest of us earned our law and medicine degrees. He succeeded and left the rest of us wondering if we had made the right decision.
Throughout medical school, internship and residency I rarely attended reunions. The main reason was lack of time. Another was not wanting to hear about how successful all my other HS classmates were. It wasn't because of envy, resentment or feelings of inferiority. These were the years when I was buried in books, when I was going on 24-hr duties, when I was doing scut work, when I was being deprived of quality family time, when my firstborn was spending more time with her yaya than with me, when I could not even enjoy my time off because I'd be sleeping like the dead in an involuntary effort to counter sleep deprivation. I didn't want to hear about how successful they were because I was afraid that it would weaken my resolve to follow through with what I had started.
All throughout internship, my end goal was to pass the boards and practice medicine. While the main purpose of treating patients and doing good for the rest of humanity was always there, likewise ever present at the back of my mind was a longing for a time when I would get paid enough to compensate for what I had gone through.
After the boards, I quickly went to work as a GP moonlighting in different small hospitals and in clinics. I affiliated with different insurance companies and this afforded me my daily "reasonably priced" P300 lunches. College friend was by then rich banker friend and he was thinking of buying out one of the bigger multispecialty clinics and wanted me to help run it. My income would have further improved but by then I was bored and unchallenged by my work.
I refused. Training over money.
Instead, I went into residency for further training and was forced to spend on "expensive" P60 lunches. My specialty of choice was not as demanding of my time so it was then that I married and started a family. However, my entire training allowance was not even enough to cover for my meals and my gasoline expenses. My husband had to take on extra work to allow our family a decent lifestyle. Towards the end of my residency, I was once again tempted to go straight into practice to help out with finances. But the lure of the academe was stronger.
I decided that it would be best to go directly into subspecialty training. And I even did it twice. Training over money.
Soon after I finished training, a colleague and I were involved in setting up two new facilities.
Money became my focus. I was working extra hard on these projects because of the potential income I would receive once these were set up.
Then I was sent a wake-up call. And I slowed down. Family over money.
Two years ago, I was asked how P300k/month sounded. It sounded like heaven. Then I found out that I had to work 11 hour days and be on-call the rest of the time, even weekends. Very tempting but I was enjoying my personal and family time too much and I eventually withdrew my application. Family over money.
Then things started to build up again and I started wondering
"where did my lifestyle go?". I endeavored to achieve a balance in my life. Become a real super wife/mom. Strive for family over money.
By the middle of last year, I found myself affiliated with 3 big hospitals, 2 small hospitals and 4 clinics. Too much work once again and still I found myself taking on the biggest project of my professional career to date. It eventually proved too much and come Christmas time, I had resigned from 1 big hospital, the small hospitals and 1 clinic. At the start of this year I went on an extended leave of absence from 2 more small clinics. Not so that I would have more time with my family but rather to allow me time to work on my big project.
I was supposed to have gone back to work in the clinics this March but I've decided to give up one clinic completely and to cut my time in the other clinic in half. You see, I was really happy with the way everything was going . . .
. . . until my daughter uttered the words, "I like it better when I'm sick because Mommy spends more time with me."
Hearing that was the worst thing ever. It was as if my heart just stopped beating and yet there was a pounding in my ears. Then I got this flashback to a time when I was explaining my choices of specialty and subspecialties. I remember saying it was a lifestyle choice, primarily because it wasn't as demanding of time as the other medical specialties. These were specialties that would allow me to spend quality time with my husband and kids, that would allow me "me-time".
Inspite of this I find myself in a situation where I only get to really talk to my husband when we take just one car to work. A situation where my daughter is vocal about how I don't care enough and don't spend enough time with her. A situation where my son would rather be with his yaya than with me.
My husband's cousin, who happens to be in the same profession, and whom I suspect my daughter may have talked to, also recently scolded me. Quality time is not enough. Quantity counts just as much. She claims she only realized this when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She regrets not being there for her first two children and appreciates that her cancer made her realize how much she wanted to be there for the younger kids and how much she wanted to make up time with the others.
This time, I'm making sure I take heed. I've sworn not to take on new hospitals or clinics unless they are replacements for existing ones. No more additional work hours. The Lord must be very patient with me to have given me several heads-up's.
Family over money. Always. I mean it. This time, it's for keeps.