I thought I had a reason

[gabriel_nietzge]

So why am i here anyway, doing what i do? I dont mean just sitting here in Antarctica... I mean the whole service before self, yo Joe thing. I mean I used to tell mysolf it was for the people i loved and as time went on i found many people i would be glad to lay my life down for. But latly i feel like im just another bumb in the road. Ive seen some intresting posts on some peoples pages and i know that most of you have had a chance to get online in some way shape or form... hell im able to use a crappy dial up speed connection in the middle of FUCKING NOWHERE! And yet so far there are only three people to have even noticed my dissapearance. My parents and Mike. Who i might add is the only person I know who is lazer than me in responding to things. And i dont have breasts so i know its genuine. So now it leaves me with the question of what has happened to all my "friends" that said they would write. Well i can only assume Delmonte is in conquest somewhere or still trying to become a cop. Dourche has dropped off the earth even farther than i have so i have no idea. Al is well ... Al. Which leaves the one person who has let me down the most. Sarah. At frist i thought she was trying to avoid me, to which i was told no she busy. Busy hanging out with everybody. I understand im bitter, but when im told several times over I have a freind who wants to help me and even gets me to do things i nromally wouldnt (i.e. this LJ now). But when i really needed someone to talk to or at least aknowledge that I exsist and someone cares... nothing. And i know that its not someones busy or that they havent noticed. I can look back over the past few weeks and wonder how that many posts can go unnoticed. Then i realize that ive stood in the same room before asking for help and recieved nothing but a cold shoulder. hmmmm. Maybe the mystery poster from her threads has a point. I just wish i could have saved my self the pain of lying to myself earlier. I mean for the past few months ive felt like less than dirt and not a soul that should of care has...

Makes me wonder why i even bother with this anymore. Sometimes its nice to know someone cares without having to remind them.

peh I'm Outta here. Fuck off!