It was never about me to begin with
I don’t want to reopen an argument. I truly, truly don’t, but an inflammatory post got me thinking on FB recently.
A challenge came across that all of us with regalia take them off for a day at an event, and do, and I paraphrase, some real work.
I admit my blood boiled. My first thought after ways to kills this man was, “Buddy, I’d LOVE to.” There are days I would love to ditch this coronet, never put the Guitte, Forget Me Not, Green Leaf, or Golden Blossom medallion on. I would love to forget I have a report to compile for kingdom. I would love to put on any garb I like and go to an event new again… and just do what I love. I would love to just be unknown, unnoticed, carry my own freaking chair, and wander and have no one care where I went.
I love to make events happen for others. I love to serve in marshalling, chirurgeonate and waterbearing. I love rapier, walking merchants with my kids, seeing them boffer fight. I love going up and shooting arrow with Hobbes. I just learned to throw knives, and I’d love to just run up and do that.
I won’t. It’s not I can’t… I can. I can walk away from any of this, create a new persona… Wait, no. It IS I can’t. In the process of all the above I love- I created friendships. I made chosen family. I made connections with people who love me know me whatever and whoever I call myself.
And I won’t because it would be ultimate betrayal of friendship, which I will… not… do.
You see, awards and regalia become less about you and more about others as your go further into The Dream.
I was sat down for a heart-to-heart, Come to Jesus talk after getting my Award of Arms. (At the SAME court as my Master Chirurgeon. Poor Queen Signy trying to pull that puddle off the floor: I literally collapsed on the kneeling pillow.) I was OK with wearing the Chi medallion- it made it easier to find me to do my job. I went out and bought a circlet (It’s gorgeous- fleur-de-lis pattern). Wore the circlet a few events and stopped.
I don’t like stuff on my head. It annoyed me. A dear and good friend sat me down and asked why my circlet wasn’t on my head. I explained things on my head annoy me.
“Then, please, ignore the annoyance, and wear it for the people who put it on your head.” Not for my King and Queen at that point- for the people who had written letters about me, who believed in me enough to write about what they saw.
Sigh. I put the circlet on. It was never about me to begin with, and I’ll do anything for my friends.
I kept doing cool stuff with cool people. I learned the great lesson that what is obvious to me is not obvious to others who want to help. “Cut pickles for fighters so I can treat this armor bite” means nothing to a non fighter who’d never done this before. It will take 30 seconds for me to cut a tray of pickles and send a bearer away… but if I take that 5 minutes chopping together, explaining to a non combatant how hard it is to grasp a pickle sliced too small in a gauntlet or glove and show them- I don’t lose 5 minutes. The SCA gains waterbears who understand. Who, because it’s me teaching, get electrolyte imbalance, the power of a smile, and the right size for pickle chunks. The SCA gained two baronial waterbearers because I wanted to just sling band aids. And made lifelong friends over a can of pickles and powdered Gatorade. And I can go back to treating armor bites for hours.
And I was granted a Guitte de Sange, “a drop of blood in steel and stone, for all the blood you have cleaned to keep the warriors of An Tir on the field.”
Ok, now we’re getting into serious regalia and bigger reasons.
I flat refused a circlet with a stone. I marshaled a lot in those days and wore my cavalier hat to keep the sun out of my face or had a fencing helm on. After the sun went down, I just wanted stuff off my head.
It was never about me, but I made it about me. I rarely wore the medallion. I missed the opportunity to let the letter writers see their voice made a difference. I missed the opportunity to talk with other Guitte wearers about their wisdom and share my experiences.
I received a Green Leaf of Madrone from a baron running a fever of 103 who only came to an event to give me the award. I received a Golden Blossom from dear friends.
I didn’t wear them, because I didn’t like “showing off” and frankly, I don’t like wearing jewelry. I made it about me, and what I like again. I ignored the will of people who loved and respected me.
It was never about me. It was about the people who loved and encouraged me. This weekend I “blinged up”, something I rarely do. As my son sat pointing at different medallions, asking what each was for, I realized I lost years of teaching opportunities. I shouldn’t have been wearing them to say, “Look how great I am!” I should have been wearing them in respect for the people who thought I deserved them. I should have been wearing them to encourage others who are finding their way.
I never had a problem wearing my cadet scarves (any of the three, long story). This wasn’t an award; this was a symbol of my status as a student. And frankly, it’s not on my head and it’s not jewelry. Again, it really wasn’t about me. It was a sign of respect to my teacher and mentor, and a sign of my direct fealty to the Sable Throne through my Don~a or Don.
Then last year, I was graced with the title and responsibilities of a landed baroness. I loved my new barony, but it has been a steep learning curve for all involved.
I wear that coronet as a symbol of so many things. Greatest and first is for love of the people of Wyewood. I wear it proudly to show how how grateful I am they have placed their trust in me as their representative to The Crown. I wear it in gratitude and reverence to the thrones who placed their trust in me.
A former landed baroness had a very severe heart to heart with me (a tongue lashing, actually) when I continued to carry things. This has been a huge sticking point. I didn’t want to bother people to do what I could do for myself. She rightly pointed out I was a thief- I was stealing opportunities to serve. I was selfishly snatching away chances for someone new to be able to say, “I served a Baroness today! And she’s really a nice person. These people with coronets aren’t as scary as I thought they were…” I’d made it about me again.
Whenever I am given the chance to go serve my barony, another barony, or the Crown, you bet that coronet is on my head.
I want it to always be clear- those wearing the coronets and the circlets and the crowns, the ones wearing laurels and medallions, white scarf, bracer or belt…
We don’t wear them to wield power like a whip. We wear them out of love- love for the people who supported us on the journey, taught us on the way, and trust us to be deserving every single day. We don’t fail The Dream by not serving; we all serve.
We fail The Dream when we don’t acknowledge and respect what others see in us.
A challenge came across that all of us with regalia take them off for a day at an event, and do, and I paraphrase, some real work.
I admit my blood boiled. My first thought after ways to kills this man was, “Buddy, I’d LOVE to.” There are days I would love to ditch this coronet, never put the Guitte, Forget Me Not, Green Leaf, or Golden Blossom medallion on. I would love to forget I have a report to compile for kingdom. I would love to put on any garb I like and go to an event new again… and just do what I love. I would love to just be unknown, unnoticed, carry my own freaking chair, and wander and have no one care where I went.
I love to make events happen for others. I love to serve in marshalling, chirurgeonate and waterbearing. I love rapier, walking merchants with my kids, seeing them boffer fight. I love going up and shooting arrow with Hobbes. I just learned to throw knives, and I’d love to just run up and do that.
I won’t. It’s not I can’t… I can. I can walk away from any of this, create a new persona… Wait, no. It IS I can’t. In the process of all the above I love- I created friendships. I made chosen family. I made connections with people who love me know me whatever and whoever I call myself.
And I won’t because it would be ultimate betrayal of friendship, which I will… not… do.
You see, awards and regalia become less about you and more about others as your go further into The Dream.
I was sat down for a heart-to-heart, Come to Jesus talk after getting my Award of Arms. (At the SAME court as my Master Chirurgeon. Poor Queen Signy trying to pull that puddle off the floor: I literally collapsed on the kneeling pillow.) I was OK with wearing the Chi medallion- it made it easier to find me to do my job. I went out and bought a circlet (It’s gorgeous- fleur-de-lis pattern). Wore the circlet a few events and stopped.
I don’t like stuff on my head. It annoyed me. A dear and good friend sat me down and asked why my circlet wasn’t on my head. I explained things on my head annoy me.
“Then, please, ignore the annoyance, and wear it for the people who put it on your head.” Not for my King and Queen at that point- for the people who had written letters about me, who believed in me enough to write about what they saw.
Sigh. I put the circlet on. It was never about me to begin with, and I’ll do anything for my friends.
I kept doing cool stuff with cool people. I learned the great lesson that what is obvious to me is not obvious to others who want to help. “Cut pickles for fighters so I can treat this armor bite” means nothing to a non fighter who’d never done this before. It will take 30 seconds for me to cut a tray of pickles and send a bearer away… but if I take that 5 minutes chopping together, explaining to a non combatant how hard it is to grasp a pickle sliced too small in a gauntlet or glove and show them- I don’t lose 5 minutes. The SCA gains waterbears who understand. Who, because it’s me teaching, get electrolyte imbalance, the power of a smile, and the right size for pickle chunks. The SCA gained two baronial waterbearers because I wanted to just sling band aids. And made lifelong friends over a can of pickles and powdered Gatorade. And I can go back to treating armor bites for hours.
And I was granted a Guitte de Sange, “a drop of blood in steel and stone, for all the blood you have cleaned to keep the warriors of An Tir on the field.”
Ok, now we’re getting into serious regalia and bigger reasons.
I flat refused a circlet with a stone. I marshaled a lot in those days and wore my cavalier hat to keep the sun out of my face or had a fencing helm on. After the sun went down, I just wanted stuff off my head.
It was never about me, but I made it about me. I rarely wore the medallion. I missed the opportunity to let the letter writers see their voice made a difference. I missed the opportunity to talk with other Guitte wearers about their wisdom and share my experiences.
I received a Green Leaf of Madrone from a baron running a fever of 103 who only came to an event to give me the award. I received a Golden Blossom from dear friends.
I didn’t wear them, because I didn’t like “showing off” and frankly, I don’t like wearing jewelry. I made it about me, and what I like again. I ignored the will of people who loved and respected me.
It was never about me. It was about the people who loved and encouraged me. This weekend I “blinged up”, something I rarely do. As my son sat pointing at different medallions, asking what each was for, I realized I lost years of teaching opportunities. I shouldn’t have been wearing them to say, “Look how great I am!” I should have been wearing them in respect for the people who thought I deserved them. I should have been wearing them to encourage others who are finding their way.
I never had a problem wearing my cadet scarves (any of the three, long story). This wasn’t an award; this was a symbol of my status as a student. And frankly, it’s not on my head and it’s not jewelry. Again, it really wasn’t about me. It was a sign of respect to my teacher and mentor, and a sign of my direct fealty to the Sable Throne through my Don~a or Don.
Then last year, I was graced with the title and responsibilities of a landed baroness. I loved my new barony, but it has been a steep learning curve for all involved.
I wear that coronet as a symbol of so many things. Greatest and first is for love of the people of Wyewood. I wear it proudly to show how how grateful I am they have placed their trust in me as their representative to The Crown. I wear it in gratitude and reverence to the thrones who placed their trust in me.
A former landed baroness had a very severe heart to heart with me (a tongue lashing, actually) when I continued to carry things. This has been a huge sticking point. I didn’t want to bother people to do what I could do for myself. She rightly pointed out I was a thief- I was stealing opportunities to serve. I was selfishly snatching away chances for someone new to be able to say, “I served a Baroness today! And she’s really a nice person. These people with coronets aren’t as scary as I thought they were…” I’d made it about me again.
Whenever I am given the chance to go serve my barony, another barony, or the Crown, you bet that coronet is on my head.
I want it to always be clear- those wearing the coronets and the circlets and the crowns, the ones wearing laurels and medallions, white scarf, bracer or belt…
We don’t wear them to wield power like a whip. We wear them out of love- love for the people who supported us on the journey, taught us on the way, and trust us to be deserving every single day. We don’t fail The Dream by not serving; we all serve.
We fail The Dream when we don’t acknowledge and respect what others see in us.