"...but what if you have narcolepsy"
...Says my doc, who finally sounds like a voice of reason.
I'm not just saying that because I hate choking down over 20 pills a day to keep myself sane and I'm still tired and passing out at the wheel.
I'm not just saying that because I hate making excuses for every little thing every time I hate every little thing.
I'm not just saying that because he linked it to POTS.
I'm not just saying that because he's a new doctor and makes sense.
He told me what cataplexy was. He's the only doctor who could talk about it.
He told me point blank it comes from being asleep when you're awake, basically, and that the body shouldn't do that.
"Let's get you sorted out."
He didn't wanna give me eight million more pills off the bat. He wants to test a theory and not just diagnose me right away, even though he seemed really sure that he was right.
Even though I was really sure he was right.
And then...
AND THEN.
He started, really delicately.. "Well, sometimes..." Bipolar, depression, they happen because you're not getting enough sleep.
.... I could get a fucking cure.
A CURE.
A FUCKING CURE!!!!
I know it's a lot to hope for. I know it teeters on me working through what I've been through and I'll still work with my docs but holy fucking shit dude.
I MIGHT NOT HAVE TO CHOKE DOWN AS MANY MEDS.
I MIGHT BE ABLE TO MANAGE MY LIFE BETTER.
I MIGHT BE ABLE TO MANAGE.
I have felt like I was drowning. I can see the shore.
Time to collect the seashells.