heavy heavy heart....
been a really really really long time i last update my journal. hmmmm... i think i start off with this line most of the time. samuel even took me off his fwens list bcoz he said no pt coz i dun even update! haha.. anyway.. life's been a roller coster ride this few months.
work is pretty much the same but not as comfortable when starting out. More responsibilities and expectations from my boss. Company juz let 1 of my colleague go bcoz of overhead cost & his job performance. i think i m next up on the list. my boss asked me to buck up! sighs... wat to do... 1st perm job.. inexperienced... dunno how 2 bullshit... always erm erm erm when questioned... sianz ah...
love life is a mess... wanna to get out of it but i cant and i dun wan to. m sliding in too deep... i dunno but it has been a really long time (4yrs to be exact) that i am feeling so much for some1. i wanted to give all my love and care but he couldnt accept it bcoz of his past. he was hurt. he is afraid. scared to love again. He juz cant let go of his 'ex'. he dun know who to choose. me or him.
he is a really nice guy... so cute so lovable. m really happy when out wif him. its pure bliss. but something is holding him back thus causing me to hold back too. lately we got really close & the feeling is wonderful. i juz wanna let go of all my love and feelings but i cant and it fucking sucks. i can accept that he still have feelings for his 'ex' and still wants to be with him. its really ok. its understandable. its totally fine to remain as fwens and see how things go but why be so close to me and make me feel that i am gonna have him. tonight he's out with his 'ex' for a concert. the whole night i cant help but think of him. no help fr him either. no sms fr him after the concert. only 1. juz like tat. i might appear to be ok but sad to admit, i m not. i want to but i cant. felt like crying felt like screaming felt like running away like all the previous ones but i cant. its getting unbearable. seriously need some help here. even though i think i am mature and can handle anything tat comes, this time round i cant.... mayb i shld chill a bit. but no sms only wat??? and we are not together and he is not obligated to do anything. ya, i think i shld not bother so much. haha... felt much better after penning my thoughts.
work is pretty much the same but not as comfortable when starting out. More responsibilities and expectations from my boss. Company juz let 1 of my colleague go bcoz of overhead cost & his job performance. i think i m next up on the list. my boss asked me to buck up! sighs... wat to do... 1st perm job.. inexperienced... dunno how 2 bullshit... always erm erm erm when questioned... sianz ah...
love life is a mess... wanna to get out of it but i cant and i dun wan to. m sliding in too deep... i dunno but it has been a really long time (4yrs to be exact) that i am feeling so much for some1. i wanted to give all my love and care but he couldnt accept it bcoz of his past. he was hurt. he is afraid. scared to love again. He juz cant let go of his 'ex'. he dun know who to choose. me or him.
he is a really nice guy... so cute so lovable. m really happy when out wif him. its pure bliss. but something is holding him back thus causing me to hold back too. lately we got really close & the feeling is wonderful. i juz wanna let go of all my love and feelings but i cant and it fucking sucks. i can accept that he still have feelings for his 'ex' and still wants to be with him. its really ok. its understandable. its totally fine to remain as fwens and see how things go but why be so close to me and make me feel that i am gonna have him. tonight he's out with his 'ex' for a concert. the whole night i cant help but think of him. no help fr him either. no sms fr him after the concert. only 1. juz like tat. i might appear to be ok but sad to admit, i m not. i want to but i cant. felt like crying felt like screaming felt like running away like all the previous ones but i cant. its getting unbearable. seriously need some help here. even though i think i am mature and can handle anything tat comes, this time round i cant.... mayb i shld chill a bit. but no sms only wat??? and we are not together and he is not obligated to do anything. ya, i think i shld not bother so much. haha... felt much better after penning my thoughts.