is that how long it's been?

[gablibors]

May 1st? shit.. it's been a while. 72 days to be exact... but hey, who's counting? haha why did i suddenly stop updating my lj you ask? well, truth is that i don't know... it could've been for several different reasons.. like me getting a real journal that i could write on without having to switch my comp on and wait for everything to load.. it could be the fact that i always was a lazy bum and my laziness caught up with me... or it could be that it hurt too much... hurt? you must be wondering right now, what in the world is he talking bout? haha i have my own babaw reasons for not sharing that little part of my life..for now. maybe 'm not ready to come out in the open with it yet cause it still hurts when i think bout it... "the road to recovery is a long and tiring process..." but hey, life is life and everyone will always have their fair share of problems, i know i do. haha but i'm slowly recovering and i don't want to keep looking back because that's the only thing stopping me from moving on. right now, i need "closure"... haha that's what Jovie calls it, and he's probably right.. haha I love that bald bitch. haha he's like my own little psychiatrist and vice versa! the only thing missing is that long chair the patient is supposed to lie down on! haha but anyway, back to closure... i think that would be the only logical solution that i haven't tried yet. i have a feeling after that, a huge load will be lifted off my shoulders and i'll finally realize that it was never that hard to forget bout it... i just need to overcome that first step and i'll be that much closer to walking away from regret... the question is if i am ready? i think so... i have so much more to look forward to!so why do i keep punishing myself by living in the past? it's th past for a reason.. it's done, finished, over.. and there's no turning back. I was with justin and gino last saturday and we were on the way to a friend's party in QC (which is soooooooo damn far!!!!), and we ended up getting lost.. which really sucked! haha so anyway, the driver kept talking about what road he SHOULD'VE or COULD'VE taken to avoid getting lost and he kept insisting on talking about it even if we were already lost! so i guess justin knocked some sense into him by saying "wala ka ng magagawa kasi tapos na 'yon at ng dito na tayo, so ano gagawin natin?" to be honest, that knocked some sense into me too... the past is over and there really is no use crying over spilled milk.. the question i should be asking myself is what should i be doing now? and i already know the answer...

i just wish she'd give me a chance to explain it to her.

she? haha if what i've constantly been ranting and raving about is the past, then she is the present, and hopefully the future...

i think my emotions and laziness got the best of me before, and that is why i stopped writing.. but i'm back and i won't let anything else, except laziness (haha), get in my way again. haha til my next update.. haha