I AM STILL A TEENAGER: AN ABSTRACT
ABSTRACT:
In this abstract I am going to prove that I am still a teenager like Miley Cyrus and Degrassi and all those actors on Gossip Girl. This is how I am going to prove it:
1) Teenagers Live in the Same Town as Their Parents
Yes, most teenagers actually live in the same house as their parents, but also some teenagers are emancipated and live on their own in an apartment with a sketchy old man that they have to call "Big Papa." But these sketchy apartments are still in the same town as their parents because teenagers are poor and have no money to buy Uhauls to move their asses out of sketchy, old-man Parentsville!
LIKE ME!
2) Teenagers Have Acne
All teens have acne. Those models on the Clearasil ads are not teenagers, they are 38 year-olds whose skin is taped back so that you cannot see their wrinkles. And that hot preppy boy with perfect skin is a) actually trans and b) has backne which is acne on their back which is worse than acne.
I HAVE BOTH!
3) Teenagers Have Mood Swings
"The teenage years are an emotional roller coaster ride, so buckle up!" This is how my needlessly saccharine Middle School principal decided to prepare the parents of his sixth graders for the consequences of raising your children in a suburb where they have no needs or wants and are definitely going to spend their time emo-ly whining about how their lives suck and that Stephanie Meyer is the only one who understands them and this is because they didn't have to turn tricks on the corner to buy blankets for winter and are therefore spoiled and still alive.
MY PARENTS STILL NEED THIS ADVICE!
4) Teenagers Like Twlight
BUT IN MY DEFENSE I THINK IT IS SELF-PARODY-ING AND ALSO THIS IS A GOOD REAL PARODY: http://xlormp.livejournal.com/13908.html#cutid1
In conclusion, I am Gossip Girl and I am going to tweet about all your secrets. xoxo
In this abstract I am going to prove that I am still a teenager like Miley Cyrus and Degrassi and all those actors on Gossip Girl. This is how I am going to prove it:
1) Teenagers Live in the Same Town as Their Parents
Yes, most teenagers actually live in the same house as their parents, but also some teenagers are emancipated and live on their own in an apartment with a sketchy old man that they have to call "Big Papa." But these sketchy apartments are still in the same town as their parents because teenagers are poor and have no money to buy Uhauls to move their asses out of sketchy, old-man Parentsville!
LIKE ME!
2) Teenagers Have Acne
All teens have acne. Those models on the Clearasil ads are not teenagers, they are 38 year-olds whose skin is taped back so that you cannot see their wrinkles. And that hot preppy boy with perfect skin is a) actually trans and b) has backne which is acne on their back which is worse than acne.
I HAVE BOTH!
3) Teenagers Have Mood Swings
"The teenage years are an emotional roller coaster ride, so buckle up!" This is how my needlessly saccharine Middle School principal decided to prepare the parents of his sixth graders for the consequences of raising your children in a suburb where they have no needs or wants and are definitely going to spend their time emo-ly whining about how their lives suck and that Stephanie Meyer is the only one who understands them and this is because they didn't have to turn tricks on the corner to buy blankets for winter and are therefore spoiled and still alive.
MY PARENTS STILL NEED THIS ADVICE!
4) Teenagers Like Twlight
BUT IN MY DEFENSE I THINK IT IS SELF-PARODY-ING AND ALSO THIS IS A GOOD REAL PARODY: http://xlormp.livejournal.com/13908.html#cutid1
In conclusion, I am Gossip Girl and I am going to tweet about all your secrets. xoxo