So i took the time to read almost every entry ive made on this
i asked myself for a long time while i had a LJ addiction...why am i doing this? Now i know. Its amazing to look back at my mind sets, my thoughts, my fealings, what ive done, where ive gone, who ive been with ect ect E CET mother fucking RA. Its great to know how much ive grown. Its sad to see how bad i hurt. Its amazing to know how freaking strong ive become. Faced with the problems i have then i wouldnt even sweat it. HELL life back then was a breeze. I miss it. I miss everything being simple. A 6 hour block of 6 classes. And everything else was fun and games. Food and shelter were a handout. I was sooo innocent. Yet so clueless. Im an idiot for not being confident in myself. I had alot to offer and never even realized it. I bet i could have had a few thigns i wanted and didnt try because i thought it was way above me. Not only has my mind changed but my apperance lol. I look NOTHING like this picture. Although i still own that hoodie and were it occasionaly i dont dress in that stuff much anymore. My hair is over my eyes now...(a lil secret its to cover up my receding hairline, god blessed me with the lovely genetics to have.) i have scars from having my lip pierced twice. My arm now has the Bayside bird on it and 3 months later i still cant help but stop and staire at it. I love it and have no regrets. And most of all ive gained 50 FREAKING POUNDS since then. Thats hillarious. Instead of worrying about being a twig now im worried about losing weight lol go figure. The people around me are so different. Some i dont even talk to anymore. Some are in different states. Hell ive lived in another state myself. Ive burried a cuzin...i cant believe it becca is gone :( and lost my job at the airport because of it lol. Oh well the job was getting pretty hair raising due to people dying and thigns crashing and catching on fire on several occasions. Deaths not a very accurate bullet because ive dodged it ALOT i mean a whole lot. One more thing before i disapear for months lol. I thought i knew what love was back then. I HAD NO FREAKING IDEA. Where im in love now. Is like a whole nother world compaired to before. Now i have no doubts ive fealt real love in the past and strong. But it doesnt come close to what i have now. And i thank god that i have been able to feal it and have the confidence that ill keep it for a LONG time. I really belive it...that she's the one....