(no subject)
i was so ready to take my life today. i have never felt so down. and the feeling seemed to follow me to work.
i slept in an extremely comfortable bed last nite, and after working a double yesterday, i just wanted to sleep, sleep, sleep. plenty of people called me, but i either didn't wake up to it, or didn't answer it because sleeping was just too wonderful. sarah called me. she also called me a day or so ago, but i was at work and couldn't answer and like...my hours of operation are all jacked. i wake up at 2 pm, go to work by 4, stay up until 5 or 6 am, then wake back up at 2. the only time i seem to have to talk to people is in the wee morning hours and or course all sane people are not awake at that time. so anyway, sarah calls. i check her voicemail a few hours later "you're a liar. you don't call people back." *click*
i didn't want to call her back. she sounded like she fucking wanted to make me bite the curb and then kick my head into it. i called mom because i figured she was with her. she was. nearly in tears, i asked mom to explain to her that there's never time to talk to her because of my schedule. mom says i should just talk to her and i said i didn't want to because i was about to cry and i didn't feel good about it. mom hands her the phone anyway. great. sarah gives me an unenthusiastic hello. then continues to bitch me out saying i'm full of crap because i don't have any spare time to talk to her. i couldn't take it. i hung up and bawled. bawled like a fucking baby. i called mom back to tell her i'm sorry but i dont know what else to do. mom goes "okay" like she doesn't even care and with such attitude it could have killed. so i hang up again and i want to go shoot myself.
i want to die so badly. my family fucking hates me apparently. i don't want to see any of them. i'm scared. i cried for a long time until i made it to work.
the bad luck seemed to follow. i had guests walk out on me. i paid for their meal basically. i had terrible customers. i had almost hour long ticket times. then sarah and mom came in, also with kendall and paden. they said they would eat but the 45 minute wait was too long so they were leaving. when they left they were kind of like "uh, okay bye." but kendall came up and gave me this huge hug. i was talking to my manager too and i just about broke down when they walked off. my eyes got all welled up and i had to go into the back to get my self straight again. terrible nite. when i went pee when the nite was over i just kind of had one very quick, very big cry and decided i'd be okay.
i still feel shitty. i'm a terrible person. my friends don't like me anymore. now my family doesn't either.
i slept in an extremely comfortable bed last nite, and after working a double yesterday, i just wanted to sleep, sleep, sleep. plenty of people called me, but i either didn't wake up to it, or didn't answer it because sleeping was just too wonderful. sarah called me. she also called me a day or so ago, but i was at work and couldn't answer and like...my hours of operation are all jacked. i wake up at 2 pm, go to work by 4, stay up until 5 or 6 am, then wake back up at 2. the only time i seem to have to talk to people is in the wee morning hours and or course all sane people are not awake at that time. so anyway, sarah calls. i check her voicemail a few hours later "you're a liar. you don't call people back." *click*
i didn't want to call her back. she sounded like she fucking wanted to make me bite the curb and then kick my head into it. i called mom because i figured she was with her. she was. nearly in tears, i asked mom to explain to her that there's never time to talk to her because of my schedule. mom says i should just talk to her and i said i didn't want to because i was about to cry and i didn't feel good about it. mom hands her the phone anyway. great. sarah gives me an unenthusiastic hello. then continues to bitch me out saying i'm full of crap because i don't have any spare time to talk to her. i couldn't take it. i hung up and bawled. bawled like a fucking baby. i called mom back to tell her i'm sorry but i dont know what else to do. mom goes "okay" like she doesn't even care and with such attitude it could have killed. so i hang up again and i want to go shoot myself.
i want to die so badly. my family fucking hates me apparently. i don't want to see any of them. i'm scared. i cried for a long time until i made it to work.
the bad luck seemed to follow. i had guests walk out on me. i paid for their meal basically. i had terrible customers. i had almost hour long ticket times. then sarah and mom came in, also with kendall and paden. they said they would eat but the 45 minute wait was too long so they were leaving. when they left they were kind of like "uh, okay bye." but kendall came up and gave me this huge hug. i was talking to my manager too and i just about broke down when they walked off. my eyes got all welled up and i had to go into the back to get my self straight again. terrible nite. when i went pee when the nite was over i just kind of had one very quick, very big cry and decided i'd be okay.
i still feel shitty. i'm a terrible person. my friends don't like me anymore. now my family doesn't either.