(no subject)
for a while now i've been trying to decide where to go to college.
i feel like such a dumbass because i'm continually going against my word and changing my mind. and i'm about to feel more like a dumbass.
i talked to kelsey about why she stays here. she told me her reasons, the high priority being money. and then i asked myself some serious questions about myself. why do i want to go off? what do i want to do? how much money do i have to spend? am i doing this over a boy? what about my happiness? when did you last feel really, truly happy? can you leave kelsey? can you leave your new nephew? do you want to risk going to X college?
i thought about it alot. i don't have much money. right now i feel like i'm in such a rush to get out of here. i feel like i'm lost in translation somewhere. i'm not even sure if i've made deadlines. new york is too much money. i'm already having serious problems just thinking about leaving texas. its nearly impossible. part of me wants to go to UNT for a boy. sure, we could fall in love... but how long would it last? do i have reason to be there other than him? hell it might not even happen. i always told myself i would never choose a college because of a boy and that i've changed my ways, and no matter how many times i say that, something inside me tells me "you're a big fucking hypocrite." I constantly complain about the cold anyway. i would never last up there. I feel very very lost. I thought about when i was happy last. and it's when i was working at the dance studio. out of my whole life (yeah i know i'm only 18) i can look back and think of the best time and it was in the studio, teaching the kids.
i want to stay here in victoria. i feel too rushed to get out of here. and i dont feel good about it. i want to go back to work at amy's, even if it means commuting everyday. we both miss each other very much, me and her, and she's actually thinking of retiring herself from the dancing aspect and working solely on the business part. she needs somebody she can rely on. and i want it to be me. i want to call her and tell her because i'm so excited. i miss the kids so much. i miss my happiness. sure, i'll get sick and tired of victoria...but i need this. i need to feel good again. and right now i feel really good. i'm excited.
-g
i feel like such a dumbass because i'm continually going against my word and changing my mind. and i'm about to feel more like a dumbass.
i talked to kelsey about why she stays here. she told me her reasons, the high priority being money. and then i asked myself some serious questions about myself. why do i want to go off? what do i want to do? how much money do i have to spend? am i doing this over a boy? what about my happiness? when did you last feel really, truly happy? can you leave kelsey? can you leave your new nephew? do you want to risk going to X college?
i thought about it alot. i don't have much money. right now i feel like i'm in such a rush to get out of here. i feel like i'm lost in translation somewhere. i'm not even sure if i've made deadlines. new york is too much money. i'm already having serious problems just thinking about leaving texas. its nearly impossible. part of me wants to go to UNT for a boy. sure, we could fall in love... but how long would it last? do i have reason to be there other than him? hell it might not even happen. i always told myself i would never choose a college because of a boy and that i've changed my ways, and no matter how many times i say that, something inside me tells me "you're a big fucking hypocrite." I constantly complain about the cold anyway. i would never last up there. I feel very very lost. I thought about when i was happy last. and it's when i was working at the dance studio. out of my whole life (yeah i know i'm only 18) i can look back and think of the best time and it was in the studio, teaching the kids.
i want to stay here in victoria. i feel too rushed to get out of here. and i dont feel good about it. i want to go back to work at amy's, even if it means commuting everyday. we both miss each other very much, me and her, and she's actually thinking of retiring herself from the dancing aspect and working solely on the business part. she needs somebody she can rely on. and i want it to be me. i want to call her and tell her because i'm so excited. i miss the kids so much. i miss my happiness. sure, i'll get sick and tired of victoria...but i need this. i need to feel good again. and right now i feel really good. i'm excited.
-g