.
I need more alcohol, i need to be loved. I need someone to hold me now, someone to kiss... i’m fucking tired of boys, tired of their bull shit, tired of being “one of” them... i want to be me, i want to be jessie,i want, right now, to sit in a room but myself and be stoned and drunk and fucked up... just.... fuck.
I dont want to be,,, id on’t know.I dont want to be who everyone thinks i am anymore... i want to be alone, but i don’t.i want to be with... i don’t know. that one person who.. never criticizes, who never cries... who always wipes away my tears without any of their own. i want to be alone with that. I have... i have had that, but the fucker is in washington dc and doesn’t want fuck to do with me anymore.
I want to be lying on the flat of my back, looking at the moon. Looking at the stars,f eeling the wind on my face and bare arms... just being alone and knowing that once the sun comes up, i won’t be alone any longer. I want to find that person i know will be there, and i know they will be able to hold me up for once, instead of me holding them up. Instead of being the one trying my fucking hardest and using my last breath to keep that other person from falling flat on their face, i need someone to do that for me. is that selfish? What... why do i have to be young? why do i feel older, and more experienced than those that i am around, when really, i am the least... why do i feel so alone?
I told luke that i think that loneliness is just a feeling. That there are always the moon and stars and wind and trees to look to... but.. i don’t feel that way right now. I am in a room full of people that i adore and care about, and i feel so alone... i feel like the only one alive but not living. I feel isolated, and just... dead. they are all... i love them. the people who are here mean the fucking world to me, they mean so much, yet... i’m alone and i have no where to go. I want to leave, and just... walk, and sleep, and drink, and have ... nothing to care about and no one to help. I’m so tired, i’m so worn out.. i need this.
I didn’t think i was drunk, but maybe i am. the words are blurring, but maybe it’s just the tears in my eyes. I dont know what is going on, andrew is talking to me (or was) and i just... i feel so blank yet so... full of negative emotion that i don’t know....
I watched the smoke fall from between my lips as i suck the life out of the hookah and myself at the same time. I feel so alone, with only the whisps of white smoke... with only the cold air biting at my toes. I want to leave, i want to leave this place, maybe... with just noone. maybe take myself away.........
i’m going to sit outside.
I dont want to be,,, id on’t know.I dont want to be who everyone thinks i am anymore... i want to be alone, but i don’t.i want to be with... i don’t know. that one person who.. never criticizes, who never cries... who always wipes away my tears without any of their own. i want to be alone with that. I have... i have had that, but the fucker is in washington dc and doesn’t want fuck to do with me anymore.
I want to be lying on the flat of my back, looking at the moon. Looking at the stars,f eeling the wind on my face and bare arms... just being alone and knowing that once the sun comes up, i won’t be alone any longer. I want to find that person i know will be there, and i know they will be able to hold me up for once, instead of me holding them up. Instead of being the one trying my fucking hardest and using my last breath to keep that other person from falling flat on their face, i need someone to do that for me. is that selfish? What... why do i have to be young? why do i feel older, and more experienced than those that i am around, when really, i am the least... why do i feel so alone?
I told luke that i think that loneliness is just a feeling. That there are always the moon and stars and wind and trees to look to... but.. i don’t feel that way right now. I am in a room full of people that i adore and care about, and i feel so alone... i feel like the only one alive but not living. I feel isolated, and just... dead. they are all... i love them. the people who are here mean the fucking world to me, they mean so much, yet... i’m alone and i have no where to go. I want to leave, and just... walk, and sleep, and drink, and have ... nothing to care about and no one to help. I’m so tired, i’m so worn out.. i need this.
I didn’t think i was drunk, but maybe i am. the words are blurring, but maybe it’s just the tears in my eyes. I dont know what is going on, andrew is talking to me (or was) and i just... i feel so blank yet so... full of negative emotion that i don’t know....
I watched the smoke fall from between my lips as i suck the life out of the hookah and myself at the same time. I feel so alone, with only the whisps of white smoke... with only the cold air biting at my toes. I want to leave, i want to leave this place, maybe... with just noone. maybe take myself away.........
i’m going to sit outside.