How Far We've Come (1/?)
Part One-Running to Catch Myself
Pairings: Mark/Addison, Callie/?
Rating: Nothing yet
Summary: Sometimes we don't always know what we want, until its gone. A story of finding what they had all along, and overcoming the obstacles that go with relationships.
A/N: This is a co-authored fic brought to you by Rach and Ally. Enjoy.
“If you spend all your time running from your fears, you won’t have time to chase your dreams.”
“I can’t stay here,” you explain as you place the papers that will mark the end of constant rain, perfect twelve year olds, and ex-somethings on Richard Webber’s desk. He gives you a look, one that makes you feel as if you are five years old and have just declared that under no circumstances will you ever ride a bicycle without training wheels again, the pain too much to take, and when Richard speaks, it does nothing to obliterate that feeling.
“Addison, you can’t just pick up your life because you have a bad day.”
You don’t know how to explain to him that you’ve had more than your share’s worth of absolutely horrible days and this one in particular is only the most recent in a string of days you wish you could forget happened, so you decide to throw his own words back at him.
“You were right. I need a new life, Richard. I just…I need this. Please, don’t try to talk me out of it. I have a job waiting in L.A. Maybe I can be happy there,” You know there are tears starting to fall from your eyes as you distract yourself with a scuff mark on your black pumps. You conclude that there’s no point in formalities as you look up at him. After all this wouldn’t be the first time you cried in front the Chief of Surgery and when you now realize that he isn’t your boss, it’s easier for the water to pour down your cheeks and you don’t realize that he’s walking towards you until his arms are wrapped around you and he’s promising that L.A. will be everything you need it to be.
After a lecture that conveys the rudeness of quitting without notice, he gives you one last hug and promises that you will always have a position should you ever want it at Seattle Grace and then you’re leaving his office, standing in an elevator, and finally walking out of the doors of a hospital you have dedicated yourself to.
You feel the need to drop to your knees and thank God that you didn’t run into anyone on your way out, but as you see the woman you’ve grown to love like a sister walk towards you, you know you won’t be able to leave without telling her.
“Addison.”
“Callie, what’s wrong?” You notice something different in her facial features and you’re afraid that she has terrible news, that either she knows you’re leaving and didn’t tell her or that maybe she and George weren’t as compatible as she first believed.
“I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant and I’m excited and terrified, and I don’t know how to tell George because I don’t know if he will actually be happy that we’re going to have a baby because it seems like we just got married and we’re still learning new things about each other and…”
“Callie.” I can’t let her go on. I can see the mix of fear and excitement in her eyes and I want more than anything to be with her and help her through these emotions, but I know that my mind is made up. “Calm down, everything will be fine.” I tell her and pull her to the nearest bench where I force her to sit down. “You can do this. Talk to George. I’m sure he’ll be happy, ecstatic even. Just talk to him, so that you don’t continue to ramble on like you belong on the psych floor.”
I see her smile and I’m glad that I’ve eased at least a portion of her tension, which I’ll only add back once I tell her my plans of abandoning her and never being able to catch that drink we wanted to.
“Umm…Cal?” You speak after a few moments of silence. You don’t want to leave the only friend you seem to have in this God forsaken city, but you know that it isn’t enough of a reason. You need to be away from interns sleeping with residents, the constant competition and the huge egos.
“Don’t tell me you’re pregnant too?”
You laugh with her and immediately shake your head and take a deep breath.
“I’m leaving.” You sigh and are almost afraid to look into her eyes because you know that she was just as desperate for companionship as you were, and that when you leave, your title of Ruler of All That is Evil will be bestowed upon her.
“What do you, I mean where are you going?”
“I’m going to L.A. I already have a job with an old friend in a private practice. Not as fast-paced. Who knows? Maybe, I’ll actually get a life.” You try to laugh it off, try not to let her see that you have no clue what you’re doing.
“That’s great. When I get knocked up, the foremost neonatal surgeon decides to up and leave me in the hands of God knows who.”
You pull her into a hug then. “Call me up for any reason and I will be here in 2 hours.” You promise her and have calculated the exact time in your mind, should anything happen.
“And if you don’t call me at least three times a week, know that I will show up at your door and kick your ass.”
You both smile at that and you immediately say, “Okay, mom,” which inevitably leads to a giant smack on the arm. “Talk to George. Everything will be fine.” You grow serious now because you know that you really should be leaving soon. Naomi is expecting you and you still have shoes that need packing.
“I will. You be safe. There are a lot of weirdoes in Los Angeles.”
You feel her pull you into a hug as you both stand up.
“And good luck with finding a life.”
You’re both laughing to keep from crying and you untangle from each other. “I solemnly swear that I will keep in touch and keep away from the weirdoes of L.A.” You put a hand to your heart and when she tells you she’ll miss you, you let a few tears fall before both of you are walking in opposite directions.
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Three days in Los Angeles and you would give anything for the rain of Seattle or the cold, sludge of New York. You throw the comforter over your head as you try and let your eyes adjust to the bright light coming in from the window despite your attempts at putting up blinds and curtains. After ten minutes, you give in to the mocking sun and throw the covers back, dragging yourself out of bed.
While you do everything necessary to get ready for work, you feel even more useless and out of place than you did when you first entered Seattle Grace. You have yet to have even one patient and if you have to answer another question from Dell, you feel that you will not be to blame for what may follow.
You know that you’re not wanted at the Oceanside Wellness Center. That has been made increasingly obvious by the conversations that grow quiet when you enter the room for coffee and the constant jabs that come with being a surgeon without a hospital.
When you’re sitting through two hours of traffic on your way to the practice, you surprise yourself when you let your thoughts drift and they decide to focus on memories of Mark.