(no subject)
Title: Can't Fight the Moonlight
Author: Savinglives44
Rating: R
Summary: Sequel to Right Kind of Wrong. Addison/Alex. Addison sees a therapist and (finally) goes home. Mark/Izzie too.
( Chapter 1: No One's Gonna Be Around ) ( Chapter 2: You Think That You Won't Fall ) ( Chapter 3: It'll Steal Your Heart Tonight ) ( Chapter 4: Deep in the Dark ) ( Chapter 5: It's Not Easy Tonight ) Chapter 6: I'll Be There For You ) ( Chapter 7: The Heart of the Matter ) ( Chapter 8: Because of You Part 1 ) ( Chapter 9: Because of You Part 2 ) ( Chapter 10: End of the Tunnel )
Special thanks to: Sweetnarcosis!!
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Can’t Fight the Moonlight
Chapter 11: Clocks
Previously on Can’t Fight the Moonlight…
Alex picks up his phone.
He clears his throat. "Uhh...yeah. I'll tell her...But why?" Alex is quiet for about a minute. "Well, she's not going to like that." Addison frowns, but Alex keeps listening. "Why do I have to?" He pauses. "Fine. Okay. See you later." He shuts the phone. "Well, that was Derek."
"And..." Addison moves her hands in a circular motion, indicating to Alex that he should continue.
Alex scratches his head. "We're going to stay the night tonight."
Addison's face falls. "Why?"
Alex takes a deep breath and speaks softly. "Because the hospital psychologist thinks that it would be a good idea."
Confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks (gonna),
Come back and take you home, I could not stop, that you now know
Addison stares at the clock, watching the seconds tick away. The second hand moves slowly, yet twenty seconds have passed before she realizes it. It's only an hour, she tries to convince herself. She tries to shut herself off, so the hour will blow by, but the new environment becomes too distracting. She's never been in this part of the hospital before. Addison sits in an office, on a comfortable chair, but not one of those stereotypical couches that exist only in a psychologist's office. There are two bookshelves, stuffed with books and three comfortable chairs, one of which Addison is sitting on. In the chair across from Addison is a woman with short spiraling hair, the color of a night sky. Addison shook her hand when she first came in, with Alex. She even smiled at her, just to be polite. But just as Alex left, her confidence disappeared.
The whole idea of psychology makes Addison scared. Someone is analyzing her brain, running tests, and as far as Addison is concerned, she's going to fail. She's not even a real doctor. How am I going to get better?
She busies herself with trying to figure out how many seconds are left, but every time she gets close to figuring it out, more time has passed and she has to start over again. The mathematics cause her already anxious mind to race. Her eyes dart back and forth, until she gives into the details of the room. Her eyes run over everything, again and again. It's very clean in this room, she notices. Probably for the OCD patients. But the cleanliness and order becomes oddly unsettling. Addison searches for any signs of a mess, but the room is spotless. She takes a breath in and returns her vision to the clock.
As the three minute mark passes, Addison wonders about this "Dr. Levenkron". Why hasn't she spoken? I was expecting hours of endless questioning and psychological tests. The awkward silence seems to burn in her brain. Addison's panic level begins to rise.
Finally after studying Addison for seven long, tortuous minutes, Dr. Levenkron begins to speak. "So, Addison, you have quite the reputation."
Addison shifts in her chair. Does she know about the affair? Mark? Derek? And, oh-no, Alex. She must think I'm a slut.
Dr. Levenkron continues, "You know, for being an excellent surgeon."
A wave of relief washes over Addison and she nods shyly.
Dr. Levenkron chuckles. "Aren't you proud? That's quite the compliment coming from Dr. Richard Webber, chief of surgery. Most surgeons would have a lot to say about that." She takes off her dark glasses, letting the hang off of the chain around her neck, while thumbing through the file in front of her. When she smiles, the wrinkles near her eyes become more prominent, telling her true age. But still, Addison guesses that she can't be over fifty, middle forties to be nice. Which, scarily, isn't too much older than Addison herself. Addison chooses not to think about this.
Dr. Levenkron clasps her hands. "What's your specialty?"
Addison stares at the file in her hands. "Don't you know, Dr. Levenkron?"
"Call me Abby." She says. "All of my patients do. And I only know the basics. You are a pediatric surgeon."
"Specializing in neonatal care." Addison corrects. She continues to rattle off her fellowships as she usually does. She realizes that she may have taken the question too far and blushes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to brag..."
But Abby laughs. "There's the surgeon in you! Quite impressive. It must be tough though, with a neurosurgeon for an ex-husband..." she looks up from her files to confirm with Addison. "...and a plastic surgeon for an ex-..."
"Boyfriend." Addison finishes. It's just easier this way. Lover sounds much too simple. "But we're still friends."
Abby nods. "Those specialties are very intimidating. Did you ever feel overshadowed?"
"No!" Addison asserts, slightly irritated that Abby thought so little of her specialty. "I can hold my own ground."
"I bet you can." Abby says. "And so can I. I was just pointing out similarities in our work. I know you've heard stereotypes about this ward. After all, psychology might be the most ridiculed of all specialties. But I have a PhD. I am a doctor. Don't underestimate our practice, as most doctors might tend to do."
"I wasn't intending to..." Addison says quietly, blushing a little at her own prejudiced thoughts. She must be getting the worst impression of me. I'm conceited, crazy, and prejudiced again her own specialty.
Abby takes another second to her files again, then slouches forward, trying to get as close to Addison as possible without crowding her. "You know that you have a disease, right? You're sick. It doesn't make you crazy or weak. And then you were attacked and raped at the worst time of your life. Anyone in your position would be an emotional wreck. It's not your fault."
In the midst of Abby's reasoning, Addison returns her stare back to the clock. Abby tries to make eye-contact. “Addison, did you hear me? You're sick."
Addison nods, still staring at the clock, halfway listening. Abby continues, “What are hoping to gain from seeing me every couple of days?”
The question throws Addison off. “I haven’t really thought about it.”
“It would help if you set some goals, just so we have something to look forward to." Abby nods. “Just tell me what you’re thinking now. Off the top of your head.”
“Umm…” Addison chews on a fingernail. This is harder than she thought it was going to be. “I guess I want not to be scared anymore.”
Abby smiles. “Understandable. Anything else?”
More? “I want to earn back everyone’s trust. Alex, Derek, Mark, my family. I wish they wouldn’t worry about me.”
“Good, Addison. Keep that in mind.” Abby scribbles some notes down on a sheet of paper. “I’m going to do all that I can to help you. That said, I take it that you've heard of depression before. Maybe you studied it a little during your psych rotation as a med student?"
Addison shrugs again and checks the clock. Yes!! Half-way done.
Abby flips through the file a little. "You know, for someone described as..." she quotes from the file, "...charismatic and talkative... you seem very shy. Are you feeling okay? Physically, I mean."
Addison looks down at her hands. "I'm fine. Sorry." She’s already disappointed after a half-hour.
Abby shakes her head. "No, no. Don't apologize. It's just that, usually patients of mine have something that they want to get off their chests. Something they're passionate about."
Addison remains quiet and Abby continues, "Let me help you. You've been through a lot. Maybe you want to blame someone for all of your problems?"
Before Addison can even think, she blurts out. "My mother."
Abby looks pleased while Addison keeps talking to make up for her little outburst. "I'm sorry. That's horrible. I didn't mean it. It was just an impulse because she was just here. If there's anyone to blame, it would be HIM." Tears threaten to fall out of her eyes. Don't think about it. "But it's wrong to think like that. It's MY body and it's MY own actions that hurt me. So I have to take responsibility. It's what a good person does."
"Addison." Abby rubs the bridge of her knows. "It's not healthy for you to be thinking like that. It's not your responsibility to take blame for a physiological malfunction that you have no control over."
Addison buries her head in her hands. She's so embarrassed. "Then why would you ask me to blame someone?" Her voice cracks into a high-pitched squeal. "My mother has no control of my 'physiological malfunctions' either!"
"I know," Abby explains, "but your mother might be a trigger for one of these 'malfunctions'."
Addison stays quiet for a moment. "Okay."
Abby leans forward. "How would you feel if I told you that you could go home?"
Addison's face brightened and then fell. "Relieved, mostly. But scared, too."
"There's nothing to be afraid of." Abby assures her. "You're completely safe."
Addison sighs. "I guess I just have to get used to it. Ignoring all of the memories."
"From the rape, you mean?" Abby questions.
Addison nods and looks down. She's afraid that she might cry in front of this stranger.
"Addison." Abby catches her attention. "I'm never going to make you talk about it. Right now, I'm more interested in how you feel in the present. But if you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen."
"No." Addison frowns. "I don't want to talk about it. Just not right now."
"That's okay." Abby senses that Addison has more to say, so she waits patiently.
"It's just..." Addison pushes her hand back behind her ears. "...my boyfriend, he's been so great, but I know it's taken a toll on him too."
Abby smiles. "I'm glad that you have such a great support system."
"And I assumed you knew this too, but everything you say to me as confidential. It's almost just like a real doctor-patient confidentiality, but stronger." She smiles at the joke. "None of this is getting through to the infamous Seattle Grace gossip ring. I promise."
Addison cracks a smile and Abby continues, hoping to get a bigger reaction and earn Addison's trust. "I would hope that a doctor of your standing does not take part in such festivities."
"Take part in?" Addison laughs. "I've been the sole provider of gossip ever since the syph outbreak, though I choose not to spread any untruthful information about others." Except for my ex-husband. But he doesn't count. Addison giggles.
Abby squints. "I remember that. Didn't almost the whole surgical floor have to get the penicillin treatment?"
"I have no idea. But I would bet good money on the truth to that statement." Addison smiles. "And that is the exact reason I waited a month or so before I slept with my ex-husband."
Abby eyes her curiously and Addison shakes her head. "Long story."
Abby nods. "I'd love to hear it, but, unfortunately, we're out of time."
Addison glances at the clock and it shocks her. We ran over fifteen minutes! How is that possible?
There's a knock at the door and Abby answers it. It's Alex.
Alex rushes to Addison, nervously. "How did it go?"
"Good." Addison nods and smiles. Alex seems relieved. He looks at Abby. "Thank you so much."
Abby pats Addison on the shoulder. "It's my pleasure. I'll see you on Thursday, okay?"
"Sure." Addison stands from her chair and leans into Alex's welcoming arms. "I can go home today."
Alex holds the door open for her. "Great! We'll get your stuff from the room and I'll drive you."
Addison smiles at him and he holds her hand as they walk down the hallway. "So, you really like Dr. Levenkron?"
Addison replies quickly. "You can call her Abby. Everyone does." She hesitates and then says with confidence. "And, yes, I like her."
Home, home where I wanted to go
Alex and Addison arrive home in the late after noon. Alex tries to drive quickly through their neighborhood, especially the scene of the attack, but tension radiates from Addison's body now more than ever. She can't stop thinking about how the police haven't caught him yet. He could be waiting for her the moment she walked through her front door.
Reading her thoughts, Alex squeezes her hand and says "Don't worry, the police have searched the house hundreds of times, and you have a state-of-the-art alarm system. If we were in the slightest danger, we'd know."
He pulls up in the driveway. Addison hesitates to let go of his hand and slowly exits the car. "I hope Callie didn't leave a huge mess for us to clean up." Alex jokes.
Addison smiles a little. "I just hope that my snake is still alive. Callie was very reluctant to feed Aphrodite." Alex laughs and takes her hand back in his. He presses a kiss to the side of her head as he opens the door and pushes the code buttons on the alarm. "I'm so happy that you like your therapist. I really have a good feeling about her."
"Yeah," Addison agrees. She rushes to Aphrodite's cage in the front room. Fortunately, Callie has done her job: the snake is still alive. Aphrodite seems to slither a little quicker than usual to the the side of her cage. Addison opens the door to let her out and sits down the the floor to play with her.
This is when Alex heads to the other room. As fond as he is of Aphrodite, he can't stand the thought of anyone planting kisses on her dirty scales, much less his own girlfriend.
Alex drops his coat on the kitchen counter. He sees a light blinking on the answering machine. Three messages. The first, from Kevin, lets them know that Addison's family safely returned to New York and that everything is back to normal (Kevin's code for 'Mom and Dad actually aren't getting a divorce, as suspected.') The second, from George, is an invitation out to dinner with him and Callie whenever Addison feels up to it.
The third message is old, a couple of weeks or so. It's from Elise. She begins by announcing the divorce and Alex immediately deletes the message before she can say any more. He's sick of hearing her voice, it makes him so angry. He can help wondering why Addison would save this message. Why would she want to remember this? Why didn't she tell him? I should really start checking the messages more often, like more than once a month. Wow. Two weeks ago. Around Cristina and Burke's wedding. We weren't in a fight or anything. He begins to piece the puzzle together when he notices Aphrodite slithering around his feet. He jumps in surprise, careful not to step on her. Where's Addison? Alex's heart races. She was just playing with Aphrodite. Where did she go?
"Addison!" He calls out.
No answer.
"Addison!" He tries again and darts around the lower level, but she's no where to be found. "Addison! Where are you?!"
"I'm up here!" he hears her call. He knows that he shouldn't worry when he told her not to, but truthfully, he fears that she will do more harm to herself than anything else that she could be rationally scared of. Following her voice, he's lead to the bedroom.
"Are you here?" He asks, confused because he can't seem to find her. Is she hiding?
"In here!" A voice comes softly from the master bathroom adjacent to the bedroom. Alex tries to show no signs of stress or fear, but he moves hurriedly to her.
She's sitting on the bathroom floor, mindlessly tracing a square tile over and over with her index finger.
"Are you okay? Do you feel all right?" Alex sits down beside her with half of a mind to check her entire body for cuts. She's only been alone for a few minutes. She's fine, he tells himself.
Addison sighs. "I'm okay."
Alex nods. "Okay. But please, if you're not okay, don't lie. Please tell me, Addie. It matters to me."
Addison rests her head against his arm. "How about for the next couple of days, you can always assume that I'm not okay just so you don't have to ask."
"I can do that." Alex says, glad that she opened up.
"I'm hurt, Alex." Addison confesses.
Alex's heart aches for her, but he doesn't want to scare her away. He wraps his arms around her. "I'm sorry. I wish I could take it away from you."
"And I'm sad too." Addison continues. Tears fall down her face, as to prove her point.
"It's gonna be okay, Addie. Everything is going to be better. Dr. Levenkron is going to help you and I'll be right here, by your side the whole time."
"Okay." Addison wipes her face on her sleeve. "Thanks."
They sit in silence for several minutes, then Alex whispers, "Addison?"
Addison has closed her eyes, but she's still awake. "Yeah?"
Alex pushes back her hair, so he can see her face. "There was a message on the answering machine downstairs, from your mom."
Addison groans. "Sorry, I meant to delete that."
Alex hugs her close to his body. "Oh, well, I was just wondering because it was almost three weeks old. And it seemed a little odd because I know how much your mom upsets you."
"I know," Addison sighs. "That's why I left it in there."
Alex's body tenses up. "You left it in there because you wanted to be upset?"
"No." Addison shakes her head. "My mom is very manipulative. I was very upset with her when I heard the message, but I knew that when she got here, she would find some way to convince me that the divorce was my fault. I kept the message as a reminder to be angry with her, not myself."
"Wow." Alex strokes the skin on her hand. "I'm really glad you didn't delete it then." He pauses. "You don't need it now, do you? Because I kind of already deleted it. But the divorce didn't even happen. And you know it wasn't your fault, right?"
Addison laughs. "Yeah, it's okay. I'm glad that you deleted it."
Alex continues to massage her hands. "Am I helping?"
Addison replies through slitted eyes. "Yeah. That feels really good."
Alex chuckles. "No, I meant me. Am I helping you?"
Addison frowns and opens her eyes. "Of course. Why would you think any differently?"
Alex shakes his head. "I don't know. Just go back to sleep, okay?"
"Okay, thanks."
Her eyelids close and she falls asleep within minutes. Alex picks her up and moves her to the bed, pulling the sheets over her. Then, he heads downstairs and proceeds to make her favorite dinner.
Come out of things unsaid
Mark's packing up his stuff in his locker when he suddenly feels a pair of hands sneak across his eyes from behind him.
"Guess who?" A familiar voice whispers suggestively.
"Uhh..." Mark grins. "The most beautiful blonde at Seattle Grace?" He can almost feel her blush behind him. Her body heat grows and he pushes himself further back into her arms.
"Getting warmer," the voice said shakily.
Now she's just playing games and Mark can too. "Meredith?" he guesses sarcastically. The hands leave his eyes and shove him in between his shoulder blades.
"Oh, shut up." Izzie says with a laugh.
Mark pulls her back to him and growls into her neck. "Come on. I'm kidding. Clearly, there is no contest."
Izzie pushes him away. She likes to look at him. "I wouldn't be so sure of that. If Derek wasn't in the picture, I'd bet you'd be her first pick."
"Ah..." Mark raises his eyebrows. "But as long as there is Derek and there is Meredith, there will be Derek and Meredith together. And the last time that I checked, Derek was still alive. And even if he wasn't, there still would be no contest."
"Okay!" Izzie wrenches herself from his grasp. "You win!"
"Give up already?" Mark teases her. "I'm sure Meredith wouldn't."
"Fine. That's the last straw. You will be going all alone back to your hotel with a cold bed and cold showers." She struts confidently toward the door.
"Hold on a minute." Mark grabs her arm. "I don't even remember what we were talking about, so therefore, nothing I say counts."
"Whatever. It's no loss to me." Izzie tries to pull away again.
"I can't let you go alone. Please, Izzie. I'll be worried about you all night. I want to protect you."
Izzie shivers. Mark's right. I can't go anywhere without him. At least until they catch the rapist.
"I'm sorry." Mark apologizes. "I didn't mean to scare you."
Izzie changes the subject. "How's Addison?"
Mark nods. "She's not doing so well, but she's making progress. She's seeing a highly recommended therapist and she went home today."
"That's nice." Izzie smiles.
Mark looks at the floor. "I'm really scared for her. I want to be there for her, but, sometimes, I get the feeling that she doesn't really want me around. Like she's starting a new life with Alex and I'm a part of her old life."
Izzie frowns. "I'm sure that's not true."
Mark shifts his weight between his feet. "Yeah, you're probably right. But we all have to move on, right? At least I can still be her friend."
"Yeah, I heard about yesterday when her family visited." Izzie smiles.
Mark laughs nervously and rubs his chin. "What did you hear?"
Izzie adjusts the bag on her shoulders. "Mostly that you were really supportive when her mom was going all crazy. I wanted you to know that I think it's really sweet. I appreciate all that you've done for her. It must mean the world to her to have such a great friend."
"Wow. Thanks." Mark grins.
They walk out of the locker room together. "How's Derek?" Izzie asks. "Meredith says he hasn't been around a lot, which I can understand, but she said that he's also been really distant."
"Well," Mark starts, "he might have taken Addison's family visit just as hard as she did. There was a lot of stuff that he didn't know about New York, when he left and it was just Addison and me. He was pretty upset. Elise, Addison's mother, can really irritate him."
"That's too bad." Izzie sympathizes.
They get to the parking lot and Mark points out his car. "Let's stay at my place this time."
"And why would I want to do that?"
Mark explains, as if he had thought this out a long time ago. "It's the most luxurious hotel in the area. It's bound to have excellent security. And, you know, bigger beds with really soft sheets."
"Sex for protection? You drive a hard bargain, Mark Sloan." She gets into his car to let him know that she's kidding.
Mark laughs and starts the car. "Sex for protection? What are we in, some federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison?"
Izzie rolls her eyes.
"JUST DRIVE!"
A/N: I always want to leave really big author's notes and then I can't because I'm out of time.
I promised my brother a personal ad. His name is Kevin and when he learned about his fans, he decided to take full advantage. He wrote something that was quite funny, but I don't have time. Maybe next chapter. I owe him because he's the one who picks out all the songs for the chapter.
I know it's been awhile. School is kicking my ass and physics should die. And I've been working on something else. :) It's not Addex, so I won't bribe you into reading that one too.
Next chapter will be very angsty or not very angsty.
Presents for reviewing: Grey's Anatomy Season 4, September 27th, I think. That should be enough, but for you greedy people, I'll throw in a Mark Sloan action figure. Or your very own Aphrodite.
Have a nice Thursday!
And I thought that I would write a short A/N this time. What was I thinking?