"Disappear"
Parts: 2/?
Pairings: Mark/Addison, Derek/Addison, Derek/Meredith, George/Callie, and eventually Alex/Izzie.
Rating: Harmless for now...
Disclaimer: This is not necessarily a happy fic. Subject matter will gradually become more difficult before eventually lightening.
Summary: This section contains Alex and Izzie.
Previous Parts can be found in my journal. Enjoy!
Additional Disclaimer: These wonderful little characters are not mine, and with any luck never will be.
****************************************
It has been five years. Five long and torturous years. He can’t understand what the hell he is still doing in this god forsaken city. Five years ago he was an intern. He meant nothing to anyone and he loved it. He didn’t have any obligations other than his job. He, Alex Karev, defined what it meant to be truly alone. He disowned his family and moved a few states away. He had decided that after a horrible childhood he was going to do better. He would not be defined in terms of his past. Try as he may he was dead wrong. He thinks about his family all the time. He misses his sister, and mother everyday of his life. He wants someone to be around, someone to talk to. Everyone has moved on without him. Sure they are all still around, except the late Preston Burke, but they aren’t really there for him. If he thought about it for a second he would come to realize that they never were there for him anyway. But this was all his own fault.
He once had Izzie, for a short but glorious week. And since then, he had what became his boss, and various other hospital personnel. No one is the right one. He hates that she turned out to be right, he is nothing more than a mini-Sloan. Two years ago looking at the happy married Sloan he figured it might not be such a bad thing. But these days looking at a despondent, miserable Sloan he thinks that he should probably get a grip on his life.
He never planned to fall in love with a patient. It was an unimaginable thing to do. He saw what happened with the whole Denny debacle, and wanted nothing to do with it. In the end, he lost her. He lost her by choice, because he thought it was the right thing to do. Now he wants nothing more than to go back five years ago and give her a reason to stay. He loved her daughter more than the father ever could, and he constantly finds himself thinking of them during surgeries. He switched out of the vagina squad after she left. It was too painful, not that he would ever admit that to anyone. He now does plastics, his original plan and for all of the same reasons. Sometimes he thinks he should just disappear, Chief Sloan is the only one would notice, because it is her job to notice. He questions his entirely unprofessional behavior with her, and wonders how the hell she can still stand to be near him, when he can’t stand himself.
He can’t remember a time when he had hope in the recent past, and decides it is time for a change. So next week he will move on to his new job in Chicago, but for now he downs beers at Joe’s and debates on whether or not to tell anyone goodbye. He mostly hopes that someone will miss him, but he’d quickly settle for someone remembering him.
****************************************
It has been five years. Five wretchedly boring years. She has three kids, in five years. She should be anything but bored. The day that Dr. Montgomery-Sloan told them about the triplets she wanted to kill her husband and make it look like an accident. 3 years and 6 months ago she made, what she has deemed the worst mistake of her life thus far. No one knew, she looked happy enough on the outside. She made the right choice for her children, it was her only choice. Kids need two parents, she thought almost 4 years ago. From her own personal experience she knew they deserved that chance. He was nice, she could stand to live with him, for her children.
3 years and 10 months ago she was an aspiring second year resident with serious promise. Now she is a house wife wishing she had some sort of excuse to get out of the kitchen and go back to work. The day she said “I do” is the day she now realizes that her life came to a crashing halt. She took the Dr. from the front of her name and replaced it with a Mrs., talk about regret. As a general policy she, Izzie Stevens, tries not regret anything. Not even that one drunken night with George. However, Isobel Walters regrets the entire last five years. She regrets her husband, her mundane everyday routine, and on bad days even her children. Her children, that tie her permanently to a man she has grown to hate.
He isn’t anything short of wonderful. He is a great father, a dedicated lawyer, and an amazing husband. But she doesn’t love him. She wishes that she could, for the sake of her own daily sanity, but it is a lost cause. She had always planned on going back to work, after the kids were a little older. Her husband thinks differently. He wants "Susie homemaker", and that isn’t Izzie. Isobel is what he calls her, he says Izzie is immature. She misses the sound of her old name, the way her friends say it. She hasn’t seen most of them in a few years due to the unrelenting schedule of having three children under the age of four.
She is bored with life. Her kiddos, she calls them, stopped being entertaining as soon as they were mobile and destroying everything. She wants to disappear and not look back. She voiced the opinion of divorce once but that was quickly squashed after he mentioned how easy it would be for him to get sole custody. He has friends in high places, she only wishes she had some in low places.
So to feel better (or maybe worse, she isn’t quite sure) she drives to the hospital and watches the action from the inside of her car. She misses her life, she craves the excitement and adrenaline that used to course through her body. But she is stuck. Stuck in her boring life, stuck in the hell she created. There is no one to blame but herself, which she does daily. And as she sits there and watches the ambulances speed into the overcrowded bay she thinks of running inside and asking whoever the chief is if she can come back, but she knows the answer. She can’t, she is stuck.