Gavin and the Painted Corner.
This last week' has been eventful. Not one, but two, count em, two interviews for a position in an agency I was rather impressed with. Of course in the end they went with someone with more experience, but after three rather intensive interviews, I couldn't help but be gutted about the reversal of fortune. Granted, everyone involved said a great deal of flowery things about my social skills and my ability to be engaging and charismatic (And that I'd make a brilliant therapist at some point), and ultimitley that I was so "winning" that I had made it all the way through the interview process despite having no experience. But yeah, always a bridesmaid...So, here I am, back in Purgatory having blown my last hundred bucks on the trip for the interview, the most destitude I've ever been. Demoralized and pretty much out of options.
My sister has been prodding me to register for a Phd program...or weirdly enough, law school... for next year, but something about the prospect fills me with dread. The idea of taking on even more student loan debt makes me anxious, and frankly acadamia wasn't all that wonderful an experience for me the first two times. Granted, it might be all I'm good at, this perpetual student thing, but I'm not convinced fully I want to be at a university for another 3 plus years. I'm closer to figuring out what I could get a doctorate in that I'd love though. If anything the last wave of ultimitley disapointing interviews have informed me of, its that I really resonate with the idea of counceling/therapy. For a lot of people I know, I sort of provide this role without the benifit of billing...so I figure this is a natural progression in thought. Law school seems weirdly managable as far as ideas go...I'm passionate about social justice, and tend to be singularly focused when I think someone's being wronged (perhaps you've noticed over the entries lately)...but again, something about it exhasperates me too. Maybe I don't feel enthused by these ideas because I'm not feeling entirely confident right now, but given how in the corner I am, I don't really have the luxury of sitting around channeling my will. Of course, I don't really see much in the way of viable paying jobs out there on the horizion either. So the options I can see are, 1.) stay here, hide in my room and keep applying for jobs (spending hopefully as little money as possible and scraping togethere enough to at least pay off my credit card bill monthly) 2.) Move back to PA for a few months and hopefully find some menial temp jobs to put a dent in my debt, while applying for more career oriented jobs. 3.) Apply to schools while doing either option 1 or 2. 4.) Disappear and move to Costa Rica. Or Guam.
These options might look better if I wasn't awful at making long term decisions. Think of it as the ultimate performance anxiety. At any rate, I think I've shared enough for one entry. I'm going to go convince myself to go for a jog now.
Cheers,
G