A very G-Mo inauguration
I was watching video of the inauguration today and FUCK that was boring. It's so mundane, so bourgeios... If I ever subjugate North America under the iron Doc Marten of the G-Mo revolution my inauguration is going to kick ass. I'll give people something to watch, damn it! The speech podium would be made from the rubble of the White House, because, let's face it, the White House is soo two centures ago. My palace would need to inspire fear unto mine enemies, so it would have to be an imposing fortress of destruction. Maybe Frank Lloyd Wright meets Rob Zombie on acid. Yeah, sweet. But back to the inauguration. So my minions would wheel out Ted Nugent in a cage and he would introduce me and promptly afterwards he would be fed to rabid reindeer that have been shot up with Coke and Meth and PCP and Speed. That should be entertaining. Then Rush Limbaugh would crawl out to the podium in a big gimp suit spanked by Al Franken. "Ride of the Valkyries" would play and I walk to the podium while thousands cheer and put their horns up. I then proceed to straddle Rush Limbaugh and "tea bag" him until my glorious speech is over. As I walk off the stage I will release Rush to the custody of the Nation of Islam to do as they please. The swearing in would be performed by some random DC homless crack addict. I would place my hand on a copy of 1984 by George Orwell and recite the oath, which of course would have to be changed just a bit. I think a cool "Slam" poem about how I crushed the mighty American forces with my army of cybernetic zombie marmosets and limbless Iraqi children would be in order. Then I would take my victory lap down the avenue to my new fortress in a chariot being pulled by Bill O'reilly, Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, Robert Novak, and Anne Coulter while "Never Scared" by Bonecrusher plays on the many speakers on the heavy heavy chariot. "MUSH FUCKERS" I'll yell while scarry gangsta rap blares from the speakers and a deformed chariot driver whips the right wing pundits because they're probably not going to want to pull my chariot, so they'll need some motivation. Maybe dangle a loofah infront of Bill O'reilly, I'm not sure. Upon reaching my fortress my cybernetic zombie marmosets would round up James Dobson, Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, and Michael Savage, pin their eyes open Clockwork Orange style and make them watch gay men make out. Give those asswipes some of their own medicine; you wanna cram God down everyone's throats? Well, now we're gonna cram man love down yours. All the while I'd be smoking out of a 50 foot bong and blowing it in their faces. Then for the grand finale Nickelback will come out to play a set but before they start A second stage drops down and crushed Nickelback and GWAR comes out and plays for the rest of the night but instead of killing fake celebrities they could kill the assholes that I've always hated. Then I'd give out free weed to everyone in the country. It will be GLORIOUS!!! Then I'd just kick back and watch the fall of civilization while I smoke weed and put Bush through the eternal spanking machine. Now tell me that isn't better than the boring ass inauguration we had last time.