violent lust
So - I was confused… The S/m dynamic is very powerful... I feel this sort of way I never felt before - I thought it was actually some sort of witches brew - err...I mean - Love - but now I know it is just an intense desire to please - just to have acknowledgment that I exist and that I can entertain someone. I have heard that this is what happens to slaves, subs, bottoms… I have even been the cause of the same feelings in others...I had never experienced it before. So this feeling - is quite overpowering - it was scary for a bit - but now - at least I know what I am dealing with.
I didn’t want someone around… it just happened… I am enjoying it… immeasurably… And I know it is not permanent… it is not even going to go beyond what it is now… I don’t know if I want to… really - I could do it… but why? What would be so different if he called me something other than his pet? Nothing… It could all end tomorrow - and I would be fine with it. He makes jokes - about how when we call it off I will need to find several people all at once just so they can keep me sexually happy...
I feel different - I do not know if it is more like me or less like me... maybe this whole time I have just needed to have a sadist beat me completely senseless to balance me out.
I didn’t want someone around… it just happened… I am enjoying it… immeasurably… And I know it is not permanent… it is not even going to go beyond what it is now… I don’t know if I want to… really - I could do it… but why? What would be so different if he called me something other than his pet? Nothing… It could all end tomorrow - and I would be fine with it. He makes jokes - about how when we call it off I will need to find several people all at once just so they can keep me sexually happy...
I feel different - I do not know if it is more like me or less like me... maybe this whole time I have just needed to have a sadist beat me completely senseless to balance me out.