(no subject)
I feel like I've lost my anchor lately. I have no singular drive, passion or inspiration anymore. The only thing seriously satisfying in a while has been mentoring privates during drill weekend. They have so many questions to ask me since I've been deployed. They're so eager to be good soldiers and to get deployed, to do their job. It's been so long since I felt that way. I've been so anti-army lately. The minute that I noticed that a couple of them think I'm cool, or respect me in one shape or another... I got those damned warm and fuzzies inside. That felt so fucking good. These are good kids and they're probably getting deployed sooner rather, and I almost don't want them to go without me. I want to keep then safer, healthier, and happier then they might be otherwise. Even if it means volunteering... I feel like I'm finally ready for my promotion, like I can be a good Sergeant. I feel this crazy parental instinct when I think about the situation. It feels good, better than anything seems to have in a while. I don't want to go back but I don't know why I should stay if I feel so empty and lost.
We'll see what happens when it happens I suppose.
We'll see what happens when it happens I suppose.