Take a little piece of my heart now, honey
Mainly I've been writing this journal for my own peace of mind but sometimes I do wonder what the point of it is anymore. I don't inspire any interesting debates, I just merely blather on and on about the highs and lows of my life so I'm thinking that maybe I should just reserve this space for my mind only. I haven't update this for a while so sadly my thoughts are a little hazy. I think I've forgotten how to write with any fluidity at all.
Well, Friday and Saturday was Rockfest weekend. On Friday night tickets were sparse so it was pure luck that I managed to get hold of one. I got there in time to see Nick's solo set on the acoustic stage, which absolutely blew my mind away. Joe was on accompaniment and the pair of them drew in such a crowd that it was impossible for any more revellers to get in. Kerr, Rob, Hayman, Lorraine, Ross, Laura, Dan J, Sal and I blagged a table in the corner and cheered like crazy, it was such a buzz. Kerr kept on hollaring 'Scottish' colloquialisms and we found it hilarious when everyone else looked in our direction with very arched eyebrows clearly thinking 'What the fuck..' and there we were, sniggering to ourselves at our little in-joke. :-P
I'd had quite a bit to drink that night, as had everyone else so it was all gravy. Mmm, that state of intoxication is such a nice feeling. Samstag joined us shortly thereafter and everyone was off their faces so he had to quickly down a few to catch up. It was cool though, he looked after me at the end of the evening and didn't lose his patience at all. His dad gave me a lift home and all the way I tried my hardest to sober up even though I was feeling queasy. Sam walked me to my front door and I didn't fall over (heh) but the mothership was so sussed that I'd been drinking but spared me from the tirade of lectures until the next morning. Sam sent me a real sweet text after that, so I think we're finally cool now. I just hope I haven't spoken too soon.
Saturday morning I went into town and met up with Sal and Lorraine but didn't catch Sam as I was insanely late and he'd gone to his driving lesson. I am not entirely sure what it was, probably a mixture of different factors but yesterday evening was not as good as the previous. The headliners both nights were tragically poor, which left me quite disappointed but Race were just... godlike. Nick, Joe and Hayman all wore shirts, shaggy hair and velvet blazers...mmm I do love a smart man as you've probably gathered. I sound overly sentimental but yes, they have matured a helluva lot since last year when they played on the Main Stage. I was proud to be a part of the crowd and a friend, I really was. It seems insane how some people can be so fucking talented. I couldn't take my eyes off Nick the whole time and I was just reminded how raw talent had made me fall stupidly in love with him in the first place. We've known each other for more than a year now and still he has the ability to turn me into a blushing schoolgirl. *Sigh*
Seems like Jessie Bond may be the lucky girl, soon. Ha, doesn't it seem typical when the guys you have been into for what seems like forever (may potentially) get together with amazing girls whom you get on insanely well with. It doesn't change the fact that I will never completely be over those two or that I'm weighed down by a barrage of sadness and overwhelming emotion deep down knowing I will never have them and in my head I'm playing out bratty little fantasy scenarios when I see myself being the happiest I've ever been but these are just naive dreams, creations of a hyper-imagination that will never happen. If only I could have thought this through carefully when I had a chance with either of them last year. I'm going to have to put out until uni, whether I like it or not.
Elias was so drunk that he gave me a badge and a t-shirt for free (<3 you man!) so I came home with a handful of immoral merchandise! Claire was very very upset and had a little too much to drink, which had hindered her inhibitions so I had to comfort her for the rest of tge evening...Walked home with Em at around 11.50ish, after saying goodbyes to friends. Nick seemed weird to me when he came out and met everyone but maybe that's my over-active imagination working overtime again. I didn't want to let go of his hand when I shook it. A hug would have seemed more personal but it didn't seem like the right time to do something which may be overtly intimate. I felt really disconnected last night. Partly to do with Nick and also the fact that poor Chloe felt a bit sketched out and we had to leave during Race's set. The guys were pretty much absent so it was disorientating not to have them around us, but maybe that was just me. I didn't see Rob much, Nick and Hayman were obviously playing and Kerr/Steve/J/Sam were working that night at the Willow. I think I also missed Sam's somewhat brotherly presence and I think Alice did, too.
Mum's been quite quarrelsome and horribly cantankerous this week. I shouted too much and my throat canes. And I think I'm coming down with a chest infection. Or the flu. Or both.
Well, Friday and Saturday was Rockfest weekend. On Friday night tickets were sparse so it was pure luck that I managed to get hold of one. I got there in time to see Nick's solo set on the acoustic stage, which absolutely blew my mind away. Joe was on accompaniment and the pair of them drew in such a crowd that it was impossible for any more revellers to get in. Kerr, Rob, Hayman, Lorraine, Ross, Laura, Dan J, Sal and I blagged a table in the corner and cheered like crazy, it was such a buzz. Kerr kept on hollaring 'Scottish' colloquialisms and we found it hilarious when everyone else looked in our direction with very arched eyebrows clearly thinking 'What the fuck..' and there we were, sniggering to ourselves at our little in-joke. :-P
I'd had quite a bit to drink that night, as had everyone else so it was all gravy. Mmm, that state of intoxication is such a nice feeling. Samstag joined us shortly thereafter and everyone was off their faces so he had to quickly down a few to catch up. It was cool though, he looked after me at the end of the evening and didn't lose his patience at all. His dad gave me a lift home and all the way I tried my hardest to sober up even though I was feeling queasy. Sam walked me to my front door and I didn't fall over (heh) but the mothership was so sussed that I'd been drinking but spared me from the tirade of lectures until the next morning. Sam sent me a real sweet text after that, so I think we're finally cool now. I just hope I haven't spoken too soon.
Saturday morning I went into town and met up with Sal and Lorraine but didn't catch Sam as I was insanely late and he'd gone to his driving lesson. I am not entirely sure what it was, probably a mixture of different factors but yesterday evening was not as good as the previous. The headliners both nights were tragically poor, which left me quite disappointed but Race were just... godlike. Nick, Joe and Hayman all wore shirts, shaggy hair and velvet blazers...mmm I do love a smart man as you've probably gathered. I sound overly sentimental but yes, they have matured a helluva lot since last year when they played on the Main Stage. I was proud to be a part of the crowd and a friend, I really was. It seems insane how some people can be so fucking talented. I couldn't take my eyes off Nick the whole time and I was just reminded how raw talent had made me fall stupidly in love with him in the first place. We've known each other for more than a year now and still he has the ability to turn me into a blushing schoolgirl. *Sigh*
Seems like Jessie Bond may be the lucky girl, soon. Ha, doesn't it seem typical when the guys you have been into for what seems like forever (may potentially) get together with amazing girls whom you get on insanely well with. It doesn't change the fact that I will never completely be over those two or that I'm weighed down by a barrage of sadness and overwhelming emotion deep down knowing I will never have them and in my head I'm playing out bratty little fantasy scenarios when I see myself being the happiest I've ever been but these are just naive dreams, creations of a hyper-imagination that will never happen. If only I could have thought this through carefully when I had a chance with either of them last year. I'm going to have to put out until uni, whether I like it or not.
Elias was so drunk that he gave me a badge and a t-shirt for free (<3 you man!) so I came home with a handful of immoral merchandise! Claire was very very upset and had a little too much to drink, which had hindered her inhibitions so I had to comfort her for the rest of tge evening...Walked home with Em at around 11.50ish, after saying goodbyes to friends. Nick seemed weird to me when he came out and met everyone but maybe that's my over-active imagination working overtime again. I didn't want to let go of his hand when I shook it. A hug would have seemed more personal but it didn't seem like the right time to do something which may be overtly intimate. I felt really disconnected last night. Partly to do with Nick and also the fact that poor Chloe felt a bit sketched out and we had to leave during Race's set. The guys were pretty much absent so it was disorientating not to have them around us, but maybe that was just me. I didn't see Rob much, Nick and Hayman were obviously playing and Kerr/Steve/J/Sam were working that night at the Willow. I think I also missed Sam's somewhat brotherly presence and I think Alice did, too.
Mum's been quite quarrelsome and horribly cantankerous this week. I shouted too much and my throat canes. And I think I'm coming down with a chest infection. Or the flu. Or both.