They Smile down on me like sad eclipses
In the space of two weeks I have learnt to deal with my anger, sadness and irresponsibility. I can look at them now without feeling I’ve been kicked in the stomach every time.
I had a strange day today. Somehow I keep pulling myself back, telling my mind that I should not be entitled to such luxuries but for some reason I was in a stupidly sociable mood and college life was very pleasant. Maybe it’s the weather. The skies have cleared up a lot lately. I find myself staring up at the incessant blue at times but never too long of course. I avert my eyes in case the skies split open into a murderous thunderstorm. I don’t want to tempt fate because it has an annoying habit of shitting on me, but you already knew that. Life is far from ‘normality’- if there was ever such an existing equilibrium. But it’s getting there however slowly and painfully with the help of Sal, Lorraine, Laura and co. And I don’t feel like someone has hacked off a limb every time I look at my ex-best friend and remember he can’t really stand the sight of me anymore. Nick is beginning to refrain from looking at me like I’m some sort of hideous creature he’s stumbled upon and it was as if no time had passed since the last time I had a conversation with Hayman this evening at work. He’s so selfless and loyal. I wish I were like that. I hate knowing the fact that people I love have been genuinely disappointed in me as a person these few months.
I’ve been listening to The Flaming Lips a lot as of late. They tend to make me forget about myself.
I had a strange day today. Somehow I keep pulling myself back, telling my mind that I should not be entitled to such luxuries but for some reason I was in a stupidly sociable mood and college life was very pleasant. Maybe it’s the weather. The skies have cleared up a lot lately. I find myself staring up at the incessant blue at times but never too long of course. I avert my eyes in case the skies split open into a murderous thunderstorm. I don’t want to tempt fate because it has an annoying habit of shitting on me, but you already knew that. Life is far from ‘normality’- if there was ever such an existing equilibrium. But it’s getting there however slowly and painfully with the help of Sal, Lorraine, Laura and co. And I don’t feel like someone has hacked off a limb every time I look at my ex-best friend and remember he can’t really stand the sight of me anymore. Nick is beginning to refrain from looking at me like I’m some sort of hideous creature he’s stumbled upon and it was as if no time had passed since the last time I had a conversation with Hayman this evening at work. He’s so selfless and loyal. I wish I were like that. I hate knowing the fact that people I love have been genuinely disappointed in me as a person these few months.
I’ve been listening to The Flaming Lips a lot as of late. They tend to make me forget about myself.