Reviews of Hard Rock Bands
INTRODUCTION
Despite being a really big Hard Rock fan, previous to the writing of this article I really did not know anything about several big Hard Rock bands.
KISS
Inspiration for review: listening to Weezer's `In the Garage'; while I felt a warm bond with the concept of playing roleplaying games I was disaffected by the name checking of a band I thought I probably didn't like. Then I felt bad that maybe I was judging a band without firm evidence. I would have to apply the scientific method to Kiss.
Songs reviewed on Youtube: `Rock and roll all night', `Detroit rock city', `I was made for loving you'
Review of songs: Pretty ordinary. `I was made for loving you' was probably the best of three and even it barely got a foot tap from me; maybe a barely detectable grin when there was some falsetto. But during `Detroit rock city' I got so down about the cause of Hard Rock that I was forced to do an emergency youtube search for `You shook me all night long' just to cheer me up again.
Review of schtick: I appreciate bands that put in a bit of effort. I do not agree with ``you can't judge a book by its cover''. I think in most cases you can judge a book by its cover. A band's artwork and so forth actually gives a pretty good indication as to what a band will sound like, and more importantly, a band's schtick definitely influences the enjoyment I get from them. It's a psychological fact (maybe) that you get different stuff from music dependent on the brain context in which you listen to it. Listening to `In the aeroplane over the sea' is more intense for thinking about it as causing some kind of breakdown in Jeff Mangum. I don't just buy an album, I buy a story about the band, which is just as instrumental in my enjoyment as the frequencies produced as the album plays on my stereo. Anyway back to Kiss. Terrible. The stage manner depicted in the videos seems to be assuming a degree of enthusiasm on my part that basically does not exist. I mean, corpsepaint? For a song called `I was made for loving you'? There is way too much going on with KISS.
AEROSMITH
Inspiration for review: My housemates were channel cruising on sky and I was making a pretty strong push for watching a rock channel for a bit. I managed to get my way; all that was on was some special on Aerosmith, who I didn't think I wanted to watch, but I could not back down then, so we watched it.
Songs reviewed on Youtube: `Janie's got a gun', `I don't want to miss a thing', `Dream on', `Sweet emotion'
Review of songs: Again, ordinary. I guess I got kind of impressed with Steve Tyler's big singing at various points, and `Sweet emotion' had a bit of a guitar thing that in better hands might have been almost great. `I don't want to miss a thing' was highly unenjoyable to listen to. Honestly I don't want to write about Aerosmith's music anymore.
Review of schtick: So the schtick communicated to me by Aerosmith was a kind of big hair & cocaine thing, along with Steven Tyler's looking like Jocelyn Wildenstein. They were also very serious about songs that to be honest I could not get very serious about. In common with KISS, they have a terrible, fake-arse schtick. Thinking about Aerosmith actually makes me feel a bit nauseous, like I am completely disconnected from any reasonable human emotion. I can't think of any conversation I could actually have with Aerosmith. I would try to bond over the one element of common manly experience we might share, say the use of urinals, but it would turn out the way they operated was actually to have their penises sucked dry of urine by specially-trained blow-dried monkeys.
ZZ TOP
Inspiration for review: Again, my housemates were fooling around on sky and settled on a Monday night WWE event featuring John Cena's biceps being wider than his head. Anyway this event was `hosted' by ZZ Top which meant they cut to a studio interview with them at one point. I became curious about ZZ Top.
Songs reviewed on Youtube: `Tush', `La grange', `Sharp Dressed Man', `Legs'
Review of songs: A sort of basic blues-rock thing with kind of weak scratchy singing. Acceptable. Maybe I am being too harsh by way of over-compensating for how relieved I was to listen to these songs after having had to listen to Aerosmith. ZZ Top are all-round pretty solid, but don't really progress from the kind of head-nodding vibe to an actual fist-pump, rock-face moment.
Review of schtick: ZZ Top have a great schtick. I mean you should probably allow for the fact that I am exceptionally susceptible to beards. Their drummer is even called Frank Beard; he's the only one in the band without a beard. But still, I like their whole inexpressive all-black, hats & sunglasses thing, it's communicating that the Hard Rock comes first, which is an admirable sentiment. Unfortunately, in ZZ Top's case, the Rock is just not Hard enough to make them interesting. Not enough fist-pumps.
CONCLUSION
I will not be purchasing any music from these Hard Rock outfits.
BONUS HARD ROCK SONG
`The Joker', by Snail
Despite being a really big Hard Rock fan, previous to the writing of this article I really did not know anything about several big Hard Rock bands.
KISS
Inspiration for review: listening to Weezer's `In the Garage'; while I felt a warm bond with the concept of playing roleplaying games I was disaffected by the name checking of a band I thought I probably didn't like. Then I felt bad that maybe I was judging a band without firm evidence. I would have to apply the scientific method to Kiss.
Songs reviewed on Youtube: `Rock and roll all night', `Detroit rock city', `I was made for loving you'
Review of songs: Pretty ordinary. `I was made for loving you' was probably the best of three and even it barely got a foot tap from me; maybe a barely detectable grin when there was some falsetto. But during `Detroit rock city' I got so down about the cause of Hard Rock that I was forced to do an emergency youtube search for `You shook me all night long' just to cheer me up again.
Review of schtick: I appreciate bands that put in a bit of effort. I do not agree with ``you can't judge a book by its cover''. I think in most cases you can judge a book by its cover. A band's artwork and so forth actually gives a pretty good indication as to what a band will sound like, and more importantly, a band's schtick definitely influences the enjoyment I get from them. It's a psychological fact (maybe) that you get different stuff from music dependent on the brain context in which you listen to it. Listening to `In the aeroplane over the sea' is more intense for thinking about it as causing some kind of breakdown in Jeff Mangum. I don't just buy an album, I buy a story about the band, which is just as instrumental in my enjoyment as the frequencies produced as the album plays on my stereo. Anyway back to Kiss. Terrible. The stage manner depicted in the videos seems to be assuming a degree of enthusiasm on my part that basically does not exist. I mean, corpsepaint? For a song called `I was made for loving you'? There is way too much going on with KISS.
AEROSMITH
Inspiration for review: My housemates were channel cruising on sky and I was making a pretty strong push for watching a rock channel for a bit. I managed to get my way; all that was on was some special on Aerosmith, who I didn't think I wanted to watch, but I could not back down then, so we watched it.
Songs reviewed on Youtube: `Janie's got a gun', `I don't want to miss a thing', `Dream on', `Sweet emotion'
Review of songs: Again, ordinary. I guess I got kind of impressed with Steve Tyler's big singing at various points, and `Sweet emotion' had a bit of a guitar thing that in better hands might have been almost great. `I don't want to miss a thing' was highly unenjoyable to listen to. Honestly I don't want to write about Aerosmith's music anymore.
Review of schtick: So the schtick communicated to me by Aerosmith was a kind of big hair & cocaine thing, along with Steven Tyler's looking like Jocelyn Wildenstein. They were also very serious about songs that to be honest I could not get very serious about. In common with KISS, they have a terrible, fake-arse schtick. Thinking about Aerosmith actually makes me feel a bit nauseous, like I am completely disconnected from any reasonable human emotion. I can't think of any conversation I could actually have with Aerosmith. I would try to bond over the one element of common manly experience we might share, say the use of urinals, but it would turn out the way they operated was actually to have their penises sucked dry of urine by specially-trained blow-dried monkeys.
ZZ TOP
Inspiration for review: Again, my housemates were fooling around on sky and settled on a Monday night WWE event featuring John Cena's biceps being wider than his head. Anyway this event was `hosted' by ZZ Top which meant they cut to a studio interview with them at one point. I became curious about ZZ Top.
Songs reviewed on Youtube: `Tush', `La grange', `Sharp Dressed Man', `Legs'
Review of songs: A sort of basic blues-rock thing with kind of weak scratchy singing. Acceptable. Maybe I am being too harsh by way of over-compensating for how relieved I was to listen to these songs after having had to listen to Aerosmith. ZZ Top are all-round pretty solid, but don't really progress from the kind of head-nodding vibe to an actual fist-pump, rock-face moment.
Review of schtick: ZZ Top have a great schtick. I mean you should probably allow for the fact that I am exceptionally susceptible to beards. Their drummer is even called Frank Beard; he's the only one in the band without a beard. But still, I like their whole inexpressive all-black, hats & sunglasses thing, it's communicating that the Hard Rock comes first, which is an admirable sentiment. Unfortunately, in ZZ Top's case, the Rock is just not Hard enough to make them interesting. Not enough fist-pumps.
CONCLUSION
I will not be purchasing any music from these Hard Rock outfits.
BONUS HARD ROCK SONG
`The Joker', by Snail