a letter to ken
right so after having a conversation with ken via freakin' AIM because he so man enough to talk to me as if we were twelve, here is the letter [and last letter i will ever write] that went in the mail today:
ken,
i'm glad that you're doing well & staying strong in your recovery. i truly hope that you continue to stay on the right path - you have so much to offer when you're ready & willing. to be completely honest, i'm torn as to how i feel about us having talked. part of me is glad to at least know that you're doing okay. however, other than that pretty much all that came from our "conversation" was pain and the realization that you truly see no harm in how you left things. it took some time, but i trusted you and your word, but i can clearly see that has vanished. you're "not responsible for my feelings" [quote from the i.m.] so therefore i'm in no way responsible for pretending, in order to save face or just out of status quo, to be a little southern belle and act as if nothing happened & just forget and forgive everything. you broke my heart without even thinking twice about it. perhaps in time that's something i'll be able to forgive, but i'll never forget the distgusting feeling of being used and taken advantage of - especially after your telling me that you weren't in love with me & manipulated me into believing in our relationship. i hope you have an amazing life - just don't include me in any of it from here on out. judging by the past few months - i don't see that being a problem for you.
best,
lbheimerl
ken,
i'm glad that you're doing well & staying strong in your recovery. i truly hope that you continue to stay on the right path - you have so much to offer when you're ready & willing. to be completely honest, i'm torn as to how i feel about us having talked. part of me is glad to at least know that you're doing okay. however, other than that pretty much all that came from our "conversation" was pain and the realization that you truly see no harm in how you left things. it took some time, but i trusted you and your word, but i can clearly see that has vanished. you're "not responsible for my feelings" [quote from the i.m.] so therefore i'm in no way responsible for pretending, in order to save face or just out of status quo, to be a little southern belle and act as if nothing happened & just forget and forgive everything. you broke my heart without even thinking twice about it. perhaps in time that's something i'll be able to forgive, but i'll never forget the distgusting feeling of being used and taken advantage of - especially after your telling me that you weren't in love with me & manipulated me into believing in our relationship. i hope you have an amazing life - just don't include me in any of it from here on out. judging by the past few months - i don't see that being a problem for you.
best,
lbheimerl