silence is deafening
Well, I have reached the conclusion that rather than a blind person walking with a seeing eye dog, that I need to have someone available to make decisions for me - at all times. I had the chance to talk to Lisa-Face on the way into work this morning which really helped a lot. [Colleen sorry I couldn’t click over!] I called Lisa right after I got off the phone with my dad who told me that when I got to work there would be an emailed list of therapists that I was to consider seeing and that I have to take with me to my doctor this afternoon when I go in to see Dr. Madkaiker. My parents have now decided that I’m crazy. I’m so truly glad that they took the time to take notice of all the freakin’ flares that I sent up and have been sending up since I got home. No one seems to notice that I’m bottoming out until I’m found lying in the fetal position on the floor of my bedroom. I guess I should find a flare that also sends up flashing text. I just don’t even know what to say. I was to scream and yell and stomp around and hit something with a baseball bat since I have so much anger just hibernating in my body that I can’t seem to get rid of. It just sits there and festers right along with all the hatred I have for myself until I reach my breaking point. You would think, or at least hope that with all the thousands of dollars that have been spent on making me ‘normal’ that I would be! I am just a fish out of water struggling to breathe and begging for someone to throw me back into my environment to save my life and sanity - the only problem seems to be that no one, including myself knows where that environment is. At this point I am starting to wonder if such a thing even exists….