I came home from the university, had lunch, and turned on the computer - and discovered that the new chapter was uploaded. At 2pm. (In fact, when I logged on, only part 1 was uploaded, so I was quite on time...) And I was all like: 'Hey, I thought Mel was American? Then why is she updating so early (for being over there)? Oh well.' I didn't get around to reviewing until now, though...
Yay, Raph and Don finally sexed each other up! ^^ God, have I been waiting for that moment. And Splinter gave them his blessing. I liked it when he scolded Leo for not kissing Mikey passionately, "like they do in my stories". And the lecture on Safe Sex, I would've enjoyed reading about that! *smirk*
I don't think that the smut was badly written. It could've been hotter (not that it WASN'T hot!), sure, but this was their first time, it's bound to be a bit hesitant and nervous. I think you pulled it off well. Also, the fact that Leo and Mikey are... um... trying out some "more interesting positions", points out the fact that they are more experienced, and familiar with each other's sexualities. I like that.
Maybe, if I may request something, Raph could inform Donnie about how amazingly sexy, adorable, enchanting legs he's got? He keeps going back to those legs... I think it'd be cute. :)
I can actually relate to both Don and Raph at the end of the chapter. Raph has problems forgiving his father for all the pain he's made them go through, and I totally understand that. I wouldn't be so eager to forgive either. Don, on the other hand, seems to focus more on the fact that Splinter now has given them his blessing (plus, Don's had some more time to "melt it"), and he's grateful for that. I connect to his feelings too. What I'm trying to say is: Raph's focusing on the bad things Splinter's done in the past, while Don pays attention to the good things he's doing now. Am I right? I think you have portrayed both of them kind of spot-on here, because these are the reactions I think would be "canon".
Thanks for a wonderful chapter, and I appreciate it that you stayed up until 5am (2pm over here) to finish and post it! *hug* Did I ever tell you I love you? Wanna marry me?
*laughs* you know what's funny? as soon as I posted the first part, i had a fleeting thought of "I wonder if Geaven is already reading this?" XD
and thank you; i'm glad that the smex felt right for the situation. I really was extremely nervous and uncertain if I liked Raph and Don's first time... It's like what you said, it wasn't as hot as it could have been, but it felt right for their first time. :) thank you! XD and Leo and Mikey, awe... Mikey did one of those childish "ME!MEmememe!!!! my turn!!! Pleeeeeease!!!" In my head, so I had to give him and Leo a quick run through - I didn't realize it till you mentioned it, but you're right! It does show that they are more experienced! XD I didn't even think of it that way, i was just doing what I felt the characters would do.
*blushes* that's such a huge compliment... saying that how they are reacting to forgiving Splinter is cannon; wow... *blushes more* thank you. I feel so honored *^-^*
Yay, I'm getting married to Mel! ^^ *dances around*
Ähum, anyway. More things about the chapter, coming to mind after reading it for the 100th time.
In the smex scene, a couple of times, you refer to Don as if he was Raphael's "property". "...as he took his mate... noises his Donnie-boy was making... the length of his Donnie’s leg..." I LIKE this! Raph being possessive is both sweet and sexy at the same time. Please use more of that?
You were quite poetic in a few places as well: "The candles flickered and licked at the air surrounding the three ninjas and casting shadows and light from all angles that caused the very room to appear to dance in the twilight effects of the sleeping world around them. Splinter seemed to flicker in and out with the candlelight, his fur blending with both the warm hue of gold and the inkiness of blackened shadow seamlessly." There was also one part with Don's impressions of Raph, but I can't seem to find it at the moment. I'm tired, it's almost midnight over here and I should go to bed...
I'm still waiting for Don and Raph to get married! ;)
Did you see the e-mail I sent you, with something I wanted you to beta-read? Also, I've added you to my friends list on dA. Hope you don't mind.
Yay, Raph and Don finally sexed each other up! ^^ God, have I been waiting for that moment. And Splinter gave them his blessing. I liked it when he scolded Leo for not kissing Mikey passionately, "like they do in my stories". And the lecture on Safe Sex, I would've enjoyed reading about that! *smirk*
I don't think that the smut was badly written. It could've been hotter (not that it WASN'T hot!), sure, but this was their first time, it's bound to be a bit hesitant and nervous. I think you pulled it off well. Also, the fact that Leo and Mikey are... um... trying out some "more interesting positions", points out the fact that they are more experienced, and familiar with each other's sexualities. I like that.
Maybe, if I may request something, Raph could inform Donnie about how amazingly sexy, adorable, enchanting legs he's got? He keeps going back to those legs... I think it'd be cute. :)
I can actually relate to both Don and Raph at the end of the chapter. Raph has problems forgiving his father for all the pain he's made them go through, and I totally understand that. I wouldn't be so eager to forgive either. Don, on the other hand, seems to focus more on the fact that Splinter now has given them his blessing (plus, Don's had some more time to "melt it"), and he's grateful for that. I connect to his feelings too. What I'm trying to say is: Raph's focusing on the bad things Splinter's done in the past, while Don pays attention to the good things he's doing now. Am I right? I think you have portrayed both of them kind of spot-on here, because these are the reactions I think would be "canon".
Thanks for a wonderful chapter, and I appreciate it that you stayed up until 5am (2pm over here) to finish and post it! *hug* Did I ever tell you I love you? Wanna marry me?
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and thank you; i'm glad that the smex felt right for the situation. I really was extremely nervous and uncertain if I liked Raph and Don's first time... It's like what you said, it wasn't as hot as it could have been, but it felt right for their first time. :) thank you! XD and Leo and Mikey, awe... Mikey did one of those childish "ME!MEmememe!!!! my turn!!! Pleeeeeease!!!" In my head, so I had to give him and Leo a quick run through - I didn't realize it till you mentioned it, but you're right! It does show that they are more experienced! XD I didn't even think of it that way, i was just doing what I felt the characters would do.
*blushes* that's such a huge compliment... saying that how they are reacting to forgiving Splinter is cannon; wow... *blushes more* thank you. I feel so honored *^-^*
*giggles* and sure i'll marry ya ;)
~Melissa the Damgel
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Ähum, anyway. More things about the chapter, coming to mind after reading it for the 100th time.
In the smex scene, a couple of times, you refer to Don as if he was Raphael's "property". "...as he took his mate... noises his Donnie-boy was making... the length of his Donnie’s leg..."
I LIKE this! Raph being possessive is both sweet and sexy at the same time. Please use more of that?
You were quite poetic in a few places as well:
"The candles flickered and licked at the air surrounding the three ninjas and casting shadows and light from all angles that caused the very room to appear to dance in the twilight effects of the sleeping world around them. Splinter seemed to flicker in and out with the candlelight, his fur blending with both the warm hue of gold and the inkiness of blackened shadow seamlessly."
There was also one part with Don's impressions of Raph, but I can't seem to find it at the moment. I'm tired, it's almost midnight over here and I should go to bed...
I'm still waiting for Don and Raph to get married! ;)
Did you see the e-mail I sent you, with something I wanted you to beta-read? Also, I've added you to my friends list on dA. Hope you don't mind.
Night!
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