wahhh
so here i am again.
i'm so confused.
i know it's my senior year and that it would be really stupid for me to get into a relationship with someone because i know when i go to college i'll want to be single to meet guys, but perhaps if the person i get into that relationship with is the "right" person then i won't be worried about "breaking up" for college. but then i always have these doubts because who really meets the right person this young? i don't know. and then i was talking to dayton because he was going through this really dependent stage with his girlfriend thing and like.. i never want to go through that and i never have and i probably never will but it also made me realize that i'm pretty much afraid to commit. like, seriously there have been a bunch of guys but i will always find something wrong with them. i will find some way to drive them away or for some reason they just won't meet my standards. and honestly i guess in a way it's okay because i think the person that i'm supposed to be with.. well.. it should just click. you know? like.. i'll know when it's the right person, but as for right now i'm lonely. like, sometimes i just want someone to be there... you know? like.. i have plenty of guy friends. and these friends i talk to on the phone and they are usually there when i call.. and they call too.. but it isn't the same. like, i want it to be someone when i don't have plans, they want to hang out.. someone who i can "watch a movie with" but thats really just an excuse to fall asleep in their arms. someone to kiss my forehead. someone who gets me. someone who doesn't think i'm stupid when i'm being silly. who likes comedies as much as i do, as well as quoting them. someone who isn't TOTALLY opposite with music choice. who will call me more than i call him. a person that i can talk to comfortably about anything and everything... and he'll listen... and won't always have to say something, but when he does it will be worth it. someone who i can hold an intellectual conversation with as well as a goofy conversation. romantic, perhaps, with little things.. like buying me my favorite candies or making me soup when i'm sick.. things that show how much he cares.. and that he actually pays attention. someone who will fish with me.. and ride horses.. and will love my dogs.. and who will jog with me! jogging is very important. and he absolutely must be able to hold me comfortably, i don't want to be breaking his arms (and by hold i mean like.. stand up butterfly). and i like athletes.. or musicians.. but i'm fine if they aren't. nice hands.. and a nice back. attractive. although looks clearly isn't the most important issue. and i'd want him to come to the doctor with me.. not because i need him to hold my hand when i get a shot, which would be nice, but because he knows that one day i want to be a doctor and that i get thrilled going to the doctor's office and i want to share that excitement and enthusiasm with him. a guy who isn't into sex and will respect me and my decisions about alcohol, drugs, lust, anything.. regardless of if it's for or against. must be a Christian. hopefully a Catholic, but not necessary. someone who can OUT EAT me... which is a pretty hard task to accomplish. someone who will love my grandmother's italian cooking (not too hard to accomplish) and will love it when i cook it, too. and who wants to come on christmas when we have our annual traditional cookie baking fest. he MUST get along well with my family, or it just won't work because my sisters are my best friends, all three of them, and i respect both of my parents' opinions very much. a little oldfashioned... opens doors, those kinda things. yeah.. so.. as you can see i'm kind of picky and will actually probably think of more things to add later.
<3.
gin.
i'm so confused.
i know it's my senior year and that it would be really stupid for me to get into a relationship with someone because i know when i go to college i'll want to be single to meet guys, but perhaps if the person i get into that relationship with is the "right" person then i won't be worried about "breaking up" for college. but then i always have these doubts because who really meets the right person this young? i don't know. and then i was talking to dayton because he was going through this really dependent stage with his girlfriend thing and like.. i never want to go through that and i never have and i probably never will but it also made me realize that i'm pretty much afraid to commit. like, seriously there have been a bunch of guys but i will always find something wrong with them. i will find some way to drive them away or for some reason they just won't meet my standards. and honestly i guess in a way it's okay because i think the person that i'm supposed to be with.. well.. it should just click. you know? like.. i'll know when it's the right person, but as for right now i'm lonely. like, sometimes i just want someone to be there... you know? like.. i have plenty of guy friends. and these friends i talk to on the phone and they are usually there when i call.. and they call too.. but it isn't the same. like, i want it to be someone when i don't have plans, they want to hang out.. someone who i can "watch a movie with" but thats really just an excuse to fall asleep in their arms. someone to kiss my forehead. someone who gets me. someone who doesn't think i'm stupid when i'm being silly. who likes comedies as much as i do, as well as quoting them. someone who isn't TOTALLY opposite with music choice. who will call me more than i call him. a person that i can talk to comfortably about anything and everything... and he'll listen... and won't always have to say something, but when he does it will be worth it. someone who i can hold an intellectual conversation with as well as a goofy conversation. romantic, perhaps, with little things.. like buying me my favorite candies or making me soup when i'm sick.. things that show how much he cares.. and that he actually pays attention. someone who will fish with me.. and ride horses.. and will love my dogs.. and who will jog with me! jogging is very important. and he absolutely must be able to hold me comfortably, i don't want to be breaking his arms (and by hold i mean like.. stand up butterfly). and i like athletes.. or musicians.. but i'm fine if they aren't. nice hands.. and a nice back. attractive. although looks clearly isn't the most important issue. and i'd want him to come to the doctor with me.. not because i need him to hold my hand when i get a shot, which would be nice, but because he knows that one day i want to be a doctor and that i get thrilled going to the doctor's office and i want to share that excitement and enthusiasm with him. a guy who isn't into sex and will respect me and my decisions about alcohol, drugs, lust, anything.. regardless of if it's for or against. must be a Christian. hopefully a Catholic, but not necessary. someone who can OUT EAT me... which is a pretty hard task to accomplish. someone who will love my grandmother's italian cooking (not too hard to accomplish) and will love it when i cook it, too. and who wants to come on christmas when we have our annual traditional cookie baking fest. he MUST get along well with my family, or it just won't work because my sisters are my best friends, all three of them, and i respect both of my parents' opinions very much. a little oldfashioned... opens doors, those kinda things. yeah.. so.. as you can see i'm kind of picky and will actually probably think of more things to add later.
<3.
gin.