A wound that has yet to heal
You know how like some mornings you just wake up and go “what’s the fucking point?” its like when life throws you a lemon its more like it beats you with the whole fucking tree. I’ve been in a kind of off mood…I get like this every so often this undiagnosed depression can be a real bitch sometimes. I start getting that lonely feeling…which is followed by anger…which is followed by self wallowing in my own pity…then followed by self hate for being so down. I have no one else to blame but myself but sometimes I feel like I need a scapegoat to feel good about myself…it’s a wicked fucking cycle I’ll tell you what. I know deep down everything is well and nothing is standing in my way but its like I got to put up some kind of smokescreen just so I can make it through a day sometimes. I can’t sleep…I don’t dream…I hardly eat (other than this weekend)...Its like turning 20 has turned my depression from inactive to overactive. Sometimes I feel like I just need to go somewhere alone for like a week and just think…what exactly I need to think about I have no fucking idea.