get inside
it's harder to keep it all inside my head, i don't have the energy much these days to pretend. i'm worn out and tired. but i have to be good, as always, i'm a good boy, i don't do the bad things i want to, i do as i'm told, so people will be pleased.
zombies on the way home, i was scared, and hid in my room with a sharp thing, hoping they didn't get in the house. and i can't look in the mirror anymore, my eyes are too dark and it's not me i see.
down down down, things can only go up surely.
i feel more and more unattractive. it's fine, i know i'm not much, and to be fair, as she's so fond of saying, she is gay. i feel loved, but not desirable. like a pet. i give up i think, why try to change it? she is gorgeous and she still chooses to spend time with me. i don't expect anything anymore, it's not my place to want things. she is who she is, and i love her.
and it's only me.
i wish i was a girl, that'd be much preferable for her i'm sure.
i wish i was dead, but really no need to go there. there's someone telling me to strip the flesh from bone, i shouldn't listen. i was going to ward the doors with blood to keep the things out, he said i should, or was it me? but no, the feeling passes, as they all do, and i'm back to a vague numbneses. it's alright, can't really feel bad if i'm not feeling anything.
i just need to rest to get my energy back to lock it all away again and go back to pretending, my smiling mask can shine once more, and nobody at all will have a clue. even i might forget. could happen yet.
zombies on the way home, i was scared, and hid in my room with a sharp thing, hoping they didn't get in the house. and i can't look in the mirror anymore, my eyes are too dark and it's not me i see.
down down down, things can only go up surely.
i feel more and more unattractive. it's fine, i know i'm not much, and to be fair, as she's so fond of saying, she is gay. i feel loved, but not desirable. like a pet. i give up i think, why try to change it? she is gorgeous and she still chooses to spend time with me. i don't expect anything anymore, it's not my place to want things. she is who she is, and i love her.
and it's only me.
i wish i was a girl, that'd be much preferable for her i'm sure.
i wish i was dead, but really no need to go there. there's someone telling me to strip the flesh from bone, i shouldn't listen. i was going to ward the doors with blood to keep the things out, he said i should, or was it me? but no, the feeling passes, as they all do, and i'm back to a vague numbneses. it's alright, can't really feel bad if i'm not feeling anything.
i just need to rest to get my energy back to lock it all away again and go back to pretending, my smiling mask can shine once more, and nobody at all will have a clue. even i might forget. could happen yet.