Go ride a bike!
Tomorrow is 'National Ride to Work Day', which is ironic considering I don't know how to ride the damned things. The reason I'm mentioning that is because it's got to do with the current Election Campaign that the Coalition and Labor have finally found themselves in (thank you, Johnny). One may ask how anyone could establish a link between 'National Ride to Work Day' and the Election Campaign, but I was reminded of a 7.30 Report skit from a couple of years ago that involved John Howard and Peter Costello as schoolkids being sent to the principal's office because they were quarreling about "whose turn it was to have a go on the bike". Said skit can be found at http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2005/s1361076.htm or, if you're too lazy to click the link, check the cut below:
KERRY O'BRIEN: And now John Clarke and Bryan Dawe on the end of a beautiful political friendship. (John Clarke plays Peter Costello and John Howard and Bryan Dawe plays the interviewer)
INTERVIEWER: Alright. Sit down, the pair of you. Goodness gracious me. How many times do we have to have this conversation? I've got you both in here together and you are staying in after school until we sort this matter out. Now, Peter, what is going on?
PETER COSTELLO: Nothing.
INTERVIEWER: Peter, please don't tell me nothing is going on. I saw the two of you speaking to each other the way you did the other day. Now, it's just not good enough. Everyone heard it. John, what is going on?
JOHN HOWARD: I wasn't here the other day. I was, er, down the shops.
INTERVIEWER: You weren't down the shops, John, you were here - I saw you. Look, the problem we've got here is you are both senior boys. Do you understand the effect this is going to have on some of the young ones if they see what you are doing? Now, Peter, what is going on?
PETER COSTELLO: Well, John won't let me have a go on the bike. Everyone knows it's my turn next. It's on the notice board. It's been on the notice board for ages and he goes round and round and round. He's selfish. He's never going to give me a go on the bike. I'm never going to get a go on the bike now.
JOHN HOWARD: You don't even know how to have a go on the bike. I mean, it's no use you saying you want to go on the bike. You keep saying you want a go on the bike. It's no use if I'm really good at going on the bike and I pull over and give it to you and you go and hit a wall because you don't even know what you're doing on the bike. That's no use at all.
PETER COSTELLO: You said you would give me a go on the bike.
INTERVIEWER: Alright, boys.
JOHN HOWARD: Well, I will. I just haven't finished yet. I will give you a go.
PETER COSTELLO: You're never going to finish. You just said you'd give me a go on the bike so I don't push you off.
INTERVIEWER: Alright, boys.
JOHN HOWARD: You couldn't push a pumpkin down a hill, you great puff-ball.
INTERVIEWER: Boys! Boys!
PETER COSTELLO: You're an idiot.
JOHN HOWARD: You stink.
PETER COSTELLO: And your bum sticks out, anyway.
INTERVIEWER: Alright. Listen. Enough is enough. I expected a little bit more maturity from particularly you, John. Please. Are you going to give Peter a go on the bike at some stage?
JOHN HOWARD: Yeah.
INTERVIEWER: Well, when?
JOHN HOWARD: Well, ah, later.
PETER COSTELLO: Yeah, what does that mean? I'm never going to get a go on the bike. (Repeats) I'm never going to get a go on the bike!
INTERVIEWER: Listen, stop it. OK. I'll tell you what concerns me about this both of you. It is this: while you've been arguing, a truck has driven over the oval, there are big skid marks everywhere. On top of that, the goal posts are missing, and the science block has burnt down. Incidentally, do either of you boys know a boy called Downer?
JOHN HOWARD: No.
PETER COSTELLO: No.
INTERVIEWER: Well, he's just stuck his head in the toilet. Now, I've rung Mr Kyoto, I've rung Mr Hicks and Mr Corby. I can't get in contact with any of them. And the bank manager, on top of all this, has rung and said we're $5 billion in debt.
JOHN HOWARD: Well, Peter...
INTERVIEWER: And I don't know what you boys think you are doing, but I'm just about sick of both of you. Get out!
JOHN HOWARD: Do you want a go on the bike?
PETER COSTELLO: No, it's your bike.
INTERVIEWER: Go on, clear off! I'm sick of the both of you. Turnbull! Tell Malcolm to get in here, will you. Hurry up!
JOHN HOWARD: Turnbull?
PETER COSTELLO: Shit!
JOHN HOWARD: Bloody hell.
Do you guys reckon that 'the bike' is a metaphor for the position of Prime Minister or the leadership of the Liberal Party? In any case, I can just imagine what would happen after the election should Labor regain control of the House of Representatives:
Peter: "Ah, John! There you are! It looks like you're finally done with the bike! So I was wondering... can I have a go now?"
John: "...oh, Peter. Er... hi there. I have a problem here..."
Peter: "Huh, what is it?"
John: " It's just that... well... I, uh, don't actually have it anymore."
Peter: "What! John, how could you!? You know I've been waiting for so long for having a go on the bike, and you don't have it anymore!?"
John: "I know, I know ...look, I can understand that you're not happy about it. Come on, I'm not happy either. I was almost done with it when the other kids in the playground made me call a(nother) vote on whether Big Kev over there could have a go on the bike, and the kids picked him to have a go! Why him? ~Everybody~ knows that I'm the right guy to ride the bike! Didn't they see how I accomplished those fantastic moves while I had it?"
Random crowdie: "Pig's arse, Johnno. ~Anybody~ could've pulled off those stunts with a bike like that!"
John: "Oh, bugger off, Paulie. You certainly did a super job when you had it, didn't you! What was that 'banana' move that you did before I hit you for six? 'The fall I had to have', my foot!"
Paul: "Typical, Johnno. All tip and no iceberg. How do you think the bike got as great as it is now?"
John: "Because of ~me~, that's what! Now piss off before I get my mate George and his cowboys on to you! Now where was I...? Oh, that's right. BIG KEV! Hmph, I bet he sweet-talked the Chinese House Captain to side with him somehow. I tell you what, it's just not cricket!"
P: "I can't believe that you didn't give the bike to me when you said to me that you would... it's not fair... you better apologise!"
J: "Me? Apologise to you? Why should I? Sure, I gave you a (core) promise that I'd give you the bike, but it's not my fault that you've got a smaller ticker than Lil' Kim, is it? If you want it so much why don't you bloody go get it off Kev, eh?"
P: "...I'm telling on you..." T.T
p.s. I didn't realise how fantastic a CP-22 can be until you get the original article (seriously, the mould seems to have differentiated that little bit during the Heavy Arms and Mk-II runs, or maybe I just got a somewhat-dodgy lot with the Mk-II - I had to do a bit of trimming of the C3 part to get it to fit properly. All the pieces in the original run/mould fit perfectly like Lego). ^.^
p.p.s. By the looks of things, I'll be attending two different election parties come November 24 (not that I'm complaining or anything X3). Speaking of which, I wonder where I'll be polling my vote this time 'round? Last year, I was at the airport... ^,^
KERRY O'BRIEN: And now John Clarke and Bryan Dawe on the end of a beautiful political friendship. (John Clarke plays Peter Costello and John Howard and Bryan Dawe plays the interviewer)
INTERVIEWER: Alright. Sit down, the pair of you. Goodness gracious me. How many times do we have to have this conversation? I've got you both in here together and you are staying in after school until we sort this matter out. Now, Peter, what is going on?
PETER COSTELLO: Nothing.
INTERVIEWER: Peter, please don't tell me nothing is going on. I saw the two of you speaking to each other the way you did the other day. Now, it's just not good enough. Everyone heard it. John, what is going on?
JOHN HOWARD: I wasn't here the other day. I was, er, down the shops.
INTERVIEWER: You weren't down the shops, John, you were here - I saw you. Look, the problem we've got here is you are both senior boys. Do you understand the effect this is going to have on some of the young ones if they see what you are doing? Now, Peter, what is going on?
PETER COSTELLO: Well, John won't let me have a go on the bike. Everyone knows it's my turn next. It's on the notice board. It's been on the notice board for ages and he goes round and round and round. He's selfish. He's never going to give me a go on the bike. I'm never going to get a go on the bike now.
JOHN HOWARD: You don't even know how to have a go on the bike. I mean, it's no use you saying you want to go on the bike. You keep saying you want a go on the bike. It's no use if I'm really good at going on the bike and I pull over and give it to you and you go and hit a wall because you don't even know what you're doing on the bike. That's no use at all.
PETER COSTELLO: You said you would give me a go on the bike.
INTERVIEWER: Alright, boys.
JOHN HOWARD: Well, I will. I just haven't finished yet. I will give you a go.
PETER COSTELLO: You're never going to finish. You just said you'd give me a go on the bike so I don't push you off.
INTERVIEWER: Alright, boys.
JOHN HOWARD: You couldn't push a pumpkin down a hill, you great puff-ball.
INTERVIEWER: Boys! Boys!
PETER COSTELLO: You're an idiot.
JOHN HOWARD: You stink.
PETER COSTELLO: And your bum sticks out, anyway.
INTERVIEWER: Alright. Listen. Enough is enough. I expected a little bit more maturity from particularly you, John. Please. Are you going to give Peter a go on the bike at some stage?
JOHN HOWARD: Yeah.
INTERVIEWER: Well, when?
JOHN HOWARD: Well, ah, later.
PETER COSTELLO: Yeah, what does that mean? I'm never going to get a go on the bike. (Repeats) I'm never going to get a go on the bike!
INTERVIEWER: Listen, stop it. OK. I'll tell you what concerns me about this both of you. It is this: while you've been arguing, a truck has driven over the oval, there are big skid marks everywhere. On top of that, the goal posts are missing, and the science block has burnt down. Incidentally, do either of you boys know a boy called Downer?
JOHN HOWARD: No.
PETER COSTELLO: No.
INTERVIEWER: Well, he's just stuck his head in the toilet. Now, I've rung Mr Kyoto, I've rung Mr Hicks and Mr Corby. I can't get in contact with any of them. And the bank manager, on top of all this, has rung and said we're $5 billion in debt.
JOHN HOWARD: Well, Peter...
INTERVIEWER: And I don't know what you boys think you are doing, but I'm just about sick of both of you. Get out!
JOHN HOWARD: Do you want a go on the bike?
PETER COSTELLO: No, it's your bike.
INTERVIEWER: Go on, clear off! I'm sick of the both of you. Turnbull! Tell Malcolm to get in here, will you. Hurry up!
JOHN HOWARD: Turnbull?
PETER COSTELLO: Shit!
JOHN HOWARD: Bloody hell.
Do you guys reckon that 'the bike' is a metaphor for the position of Prime Minister or the leadership of the Liberal Party? In any case, I can just imagine what would happen after the election should Labor regain control of the House of Representatives:
Peter: "Ah, John! There you are! It looks like you're finally done with the bike! So I was wondering... can I have a go now?"
John: "...oh, Peter. Er... hi there. I have a problem here..."
Peter: "Huh, what is it?"
John: " It's just that... well... I, uh, don't actually have it anymore."
Peter: "What! John, how could you!? You know I've been waiting for so long for having a go on the bike, and you don't have it anymore!?"
John: "I know, I know ...look, I can understand that you're not happy about it. Come on, I'm not happy either. I was almost done with it when the other kids in the playground made me call a(nother) vote on whether Big Kev over there could have a go on the bike, and the kids picked him to have a go! Why him? ~Everybody~ knows that I'm the right guy to ride the bike! Didn't they see how I accomplished those fantastic moves while I had it?"
Random crowdie: "Pig's arse, Johnno. ~Anybody~ could've pulled off those stunts with a bike like that!"
John: "Oh, bugger off, Paulie. You certainly did a super job when you had it, didn't you! What was that 'banana' move that you did before I hit you for six? 'The fall I had to have', my foot!"
Paul: "Typical, Johnno. All tip and no iceberg. How do you think the bike got as great as it is now?"
John: "Because of ~me~, that's what! Now piss off before I get my mate George and his cowboys on to you! Now where was I...? Oh, that's right. BIG KEV! Hmph, I bet he sweet-talked the Chinese House Captain to side with him somehow. I tell you what, it's just not cricket!"
P: "I can't believe that you didn't give the bike to me when you said to me that you would... it's not fair... you better apologise!"
J: "Me? Apologise to you? Why should I? Sure, I gave you a (core) promise that I'd give you the bike, but it's not my fault that you've got a smaller ticker than Lil' Kim, is it? If you want it so much why don't you bloody go get it off Kev, eh?"
P: "...I'm telling on you..." T.T
p.s. I didn't realise how fantastic a CP-22 can be until you get the original article (seriously, the mould seems to have differentiated that little bit during the Heavy Arms and Mk-II runs, or maybe I just got a somewhat-dodgy lot with the Mk-II - I had to do a bit of trimming of the C3 part to get it to fit properly. All the pieces in the original run/mould fit perfectly like Lego). ^.^
p.p.s. By the looks of things, I'll be attending two different election parties come November 24 (not that I'm complaining or anything X3). Speaking of which, I wonder where I'll be polling my vote this time 'round? Last year, I was at the airport... ^,^