Dont limit a child to your own learning....
for he was born in another time. [Rabbinical Saying]
okay yall ready for another episode of..."why caitlyn hates her life"...
well lets start off with...justin timberlake now has another river to sing about cuz i pretty much cried one this summer...i never knew someone could cry this much in a month 1/2...seriously...i practically cry 2x's a day every day...yeah and its all because of this thing called life...now yall ask yourself what can be soo bad that someone has to actually cry twice a day...well let me give you some examples...
your parents refuse to let you go out with your friends more than 3 times in 2 months...i mean all i asked was to go to the beach for a few hours with katie tomorrow and i got a no before i even asked! all i said was umm...and my mom was like NO...the answer is no already....who does that?!!! and then she continues with well lets hear the question that i already said no to....who does THAT!!! and of course the reason i cant go out is ALL MY FAULT! i mean if I cleaned up more and if I listened more...what!!! are they kidding! im the only one who cleans during the day...im sorry nobody ever informed me that my name was CINDERELLA! everytime im on the fone IM THE ONE CLEANING! and who ever im on the fone wit can back me up on that...for example...the past couple of days ive been on the fone wit katie ....and what does she here me saying...god i hate doing dishes...god i hate doing laundry...god i hate cleaning...then she hears my brother and sister playing around in the background!!! now who sounds like they deserve a day ONE DAY at the beach with her friend...ummm that would be ME! i mean its like im trapt in my own house and i cant ever get out...except for the rare...and i mean RARE...occasion of a movie night or a few hours at a friends house...i barely get to see my friends all summer....every summer its the same...my parents dont let me out and then they send me to massachusetts for 2 weeks and call it a good vacation...im sorry i love my aunt and all but id rather see my friends for a week or something to be able to just do regular teenage things...like going to the mall....hanging out at a friends house doing nothing inparticular and still have fun....go to the movies....goo to pool parties...the BEACH!....but no im not allowed cuz im a prisoner of merritt ave!...all im allowed to do is clean...and go to soccer ONCE a week! once and then they yell at me cuz i dont want to spend time with them...i mean im already done with my summer reading...and i read an extra book! i mean dont get me wrong i love to read but when its the only thing you can do during the day you start to lose interest....idk i just hate living here...its soo damn depressing...i start to think about me and friends and i never think positive this summer just has been one big shot in the ass... ive had just too much to handle this summer that it blows...i mean from drama that i rele didint need and i deff could have lived without to not being able to do anything EVER! i mean rele...every day i hear my friends talk about how their in wildwood or how they went to the beach or how they had fun at another friends house...and then when they ask me what i did that day i always respond with..."absolutly nothing...like usual"...gee now i deff cant wait to get back to school and see everyone with their beach tans and hear how they had this amazing summer...and like always il be the pale white girl who did nothing...well i have more to talk about but i gtg eat il update latter ugh i gtg il update more latter
okay continuing on... alrite well i was sitting at dinner just thinking and what not and i came up with...there is no way in hell my parents actualy love/care for me...no way in hell...well atleast their rele good at not showing it because i was re thinking about my summer and there was one particular situation that kept replaying itself in my mind...and that is the night that i just left my house and went to lizs...now...does this reaction sound loving or reassuring..."your just lettting things go to your head...you really dont feel depressed...this is ONLY your fault...if you didnt upset your father this would have never happened if you learned to not talk so much on the fone and on the coputer this whould have never happened"...hmm okay wow i feel loved now thanks guys i love you to...NOT!!!! i mean how can you say that to your first born child...to any of your children for that matter...how can you put someone down when they are most afraid...most upset...and scared beyond belief??? how can you tell someone that their own depression is nothing but their own fault...ehh but who cares its only caitlyn...nobody gives a rats ass about her now a days...theres not one thing in this world that she can do right...."oh you did the dishes now why is the laundry not done to completion..." "ohh the laundry AND the dishes and your room are all clean...now why isnt the floor swept?" "ohh you got a 100 on your gemetry test...now why didnt you get a 101??"...see not one thing i do is right...hahah dont yall just wish you were me!! i mean if i were you id be jealous of me to...who wouldnt want a rejecting and disfunctional family?!! i just want out...i cant wait til college cuz im seriously not coming back here...im gonna work hard to get my scholarship to MU even if it kills me...and when i do get into MU on full scholarship im gonna work my ass off to get good grades and get a good job soo that i can move across the country and not have to come back to NJ...ever!!! BUT...thats just another one of my fairytail dreams...but what i can tell you is that this school year is gonna be different...im gonna be soo busy i wont know what to do with myself...im gonna have studying...first aid classes...soccer...working out after school wit katie [the days trish is off lol] and then im gonna be getting my permit in november...then i want to get a job...il just be soo busy that i wont have time to think about my "life"...and i wont have any more time to cry or scream or be frustrated...soo with that all said im gonna go now