you can never know

[fytchbytch]

ya know.. i've fucking been in love with this kid for about 5 years..

and we dated for 2 of those years..

and i guess we broke each others heart..you could say..

but i'd still give the world for him.

and he tells me 'i never loved you'
'you were never my best friend'

and he tore me apart with that.
but i still love him.

and randomly one day he decides he still loves me..or something..

but continues to date all these other girls..

And i ask, are u going to stay with her?

"I don't know yet".

Well, i woulda given up anything he asked me, even if deep down i knew it wasn't worth it. But I've asked him a hundred times if he still felt anything for me. And he's told me over and over "it's over" and "i swear to god stop calling me" and he hangs up on me..or says he'll call me back in "ten minutes" and i'll wait TeN dAys.

sOo as i leave NY..and i fly back home..falling to pieces on the plane..and at the airport(s)..and at home..i'm thinking of how much i wish he wouldn't have changed.

but ever since i have left that place on Day One..he's told me it's over.

i'll NEVER be with you again, he says.

So when i move on with my life, now its wrong.

And now he never wants to talk to me again, when he DIDN'T WANT ME in the first place anymore.

So i have a new life in my life.. and the one i love..is long, long gone.

I dont know if i will ever get over it. But i swear to god, he thinks i play games with him, when really, he's all i'll ever want.

But i need to erase him. Because I can't have a future if i can't let go of the past.