A new chapter has started.....
I'm here thinking about life. Semi sonic once said " There's always a beginging to someone else end" and that song holds very true in many different ways. I know that the world stops turning when you lose two loves in one year. I lost my grandmother this year and I also lost Jess. I just wonder who is going to be the 3rd loss. People always have said that god takes them in 3's.
I'm also thinking about people. I know deep in my heart jess "is"/was the one for me,she tought me so much about love about myself about things I never understood...one thing I liked is when I would get upset she wouldn't take my side on things....she would try her best to explain it to me vs...just agreeing with me. She actually taought me how to love because I never knew what love was. I come from a family who shows no affection to each other..not a hug, not a kiss not even a Love you before we leave. and she tought me all of that...she tought me to say I love you, she taught me love....she tought that being a few miles away sucks when your madly in love ....I hated sleeping alone in my room knowing I would rather be in jess arms with her. well I could keep going on here but I'll just stop on this note....
No matter how much I tell her all this, no matter how much I pour my heart out to her no matter how much I try to get her to understand......it's never going to work,Jess made up her mind and she don't see us together not right now and I'm sure it won't be for yrs I'm sure....I just get that feeling from her. I mean we had a great talk the other night but I could just see it in her eyes that this is what she wants..she want's to never have a nother shot at us .... for a long time,and I'll just have to find a nother walk way, another path....one what will lead me to something other then...a cold room in the middle of the night, a chew bottle under my seat and a job that pays shit....all I know....is me not being able to hold her agian and just fall asleep with her is like half of her has died to me....never to kiss her agian....and tell her that I lover her...is like all strings in my heart have broke and only time will fix them.....so here is your time ...and mine it's never been about me ever....
I'm also thinking about people. I know deep in my heart jess "is"/was the one for me,she tought me so much about love about myself about things I never understood...one thing I liked is when I would get upset she wouldn't take my side on things....she would try her best to explain it to me vs...just agreeing with me. She actually taought me how to love because I never knew what love was. I come from a family who shows no affection to each other..not a hug, not a kiss not even a Love you before we leave. and she tought me all of that...she tought me to say I love you, she taught me love....she tought that being a few miles away sucks when your madly in love ....I hated sleeping alone in my room knowing I would rather be in jess arms with her. well I could keep going on here but I'll just stop on this note....
No matter how much I tell her all this, no matter how much I pour my heart out to her no matter how much I try to get her to understand......it's never going to work,Jess made up her mind and she don't see us together not right now and I'm sure it won't be for yrs I'm sure....I just get that feeling from her. I mean we had a great talk the other night but I could just see it in her eyes that this is what she wants..she want's to never have a nother shot at us .... for a long time,and I'll just have to find a nother walk way, another path....one what will lead me to something other then...a cold room in the middle of the night, a chew bottle under my seat and a job that pays shit....all I know....is me not being able to hold her agian and just fall asleep with her is like half of her has died to me....never to kiss her agian....and tell her that I lover her...is like all strings in my heart have broke and only time will fix them.....so here is your time ...and mine it's never been about me ever....