(no subject)
i debated about writing about this in here. but, since it's a major part of my life and if i don't write about it, it's gonna just be rambling crap so here we go. 2 weeks ago my whole "allergic reaction" thing started. i've been missing work shuffling around feeling like a zombie. not a pretty thing especially coupled w/ my face swelling and the moodiness from the meds. so all in all for 2 or 3 weeks now i've been feeling....shitty.
then, wednesday night i get this call. it's from a 321 area code so i was like "wft is someone calling me from a 321 area code" then i answer. the voice on the other end asks if it's me so of course i say yeah who's this? "daryn". anyone remember in the ring where all that static is coming at you and then it's just silent. that's what it was like. static then BAM! it's daryn and everything is silent.
now, i know some people (james) are going who the hell is daryn. and some people (amy) can't believe that have to hear this crap again. sorry amy, gotta let it all out or james will go crazy from the not knowing.
last year i met daryn online. he was 23, gorgeous (ex model), and i absoulutly hated him. he was this jumpy bitchy person who thought he knew everything and tried to make me feel dumb. then i found out the real kicker, this guys an adict. and we're not just talking go to NA meetings once a week got the white keychain (i think that's the one you get when you've been sober for 5 years, yes i've been to the meetings, no not for me) recovering but pretty much ok adict. oh no i came into his life just as he decides to get serious about quiting.
ok so i'm talking to him, we're friends nothing serious. he gets sick we talk, he throws up, we talk. and oddly enough, i begin to like him. i mean yeah he's bitchy and feelin yucky all the time. but the real him starts to shine thru. he's so sweet and funny and he does this little head shake and rolls his eyes and pouts then smiles...it's...amazing how little things like that make you feel like your heart just stopped. so one night i'm hanging out w/ dawn and i get this call. it's daryn and he's telling me how he might go back to england and how this will be the best thing for him and i feel like someone has put a huge stone on my chest and it's broken my chest cavity and i can't breathe and my heart is like all not beating and i get mad and go "damnit you can't leave" and he's going on about how he should and i'm sitting in the parking lot of a publix in oveido freezing my ass off and i just go "no, i'm in love w/ you." so everything goes dead silent. then he goes "come stay the night" just in this calm sweet way. and i'm still pissed off so i'm like why should i go there? and he sounds all hurt and goes "i'll make you dinner" and i realize that this guy doesn't want to fight me and he's doing his best to apologize w/o saying he's sorry. so i go ok and i go over there the next day. we just kinda chill and everything, his son was there (he's so cute!). and later on we go to bed and it's so cool. i try to roll away and he's like no you're too far (in a full size bed) and just... everything that night was so amazing. (side note: i've come to realize that the majority of my friends think i've been around the block quite a few times. i haven't, the number of guys i've been w/ i could count on 1 hand and the number of guys i've dated i could count on 2. i'm outgoing, took me a long time to get that way, but outgoingness doesn't equal slutiness) anyway! so the next morning i'm like....on cloud 9. the birds are singing the trees are green, the sun is shining and for once i appreciate that fact. then, 2 weeks go by. we talk on the phone, but he's acting all shady. then he calls me one night and he's relapsed, so we fight. and this has pretty much been the cycle. he calls, everything is ok, he relapses, we fight. the last time we just kinda stopped talking because he was going thru dts and felt pretty shitty so we never got to talk. then, 4 months later i get this call. so i'm like, why are you calling me? and he goes, i'm like a stray dog. i keep coming back. so i say "well stray dogs always want something when they come around be it food shelter or just affection" and he says "well, i have food and shelter". and we talk for hours. i love him. i don't say that about a lot of people. i may think it, but i don't go around broadcasting that i'm in love. too much hurt just waiting to happen. but, he's locked in a room right now, going thru w/drawals, and....i do love him. i feel like crying now, i felt like crying 2 days ago when he called.
then, wednesday night i get this call. it's from a 321 area code so i was like "wft is someone calling me from a 321 area code" then i answer. the voice on the other end asks if it's me so of course i say yeah who's this? "daryn". anyone remember in the ring where all that static is coming at you and then it's just silent. that's what it was like. static then BAM! it's daryn and everything is silent.
now, i know some people (james) are going who the hell is daryn. and some people (amy) can't believe that have to hear this crap again. sorry amy, gotta let it all out or james will go crazy from the not knowing.
last year i met daryn online. he was 23, gorgeous (ex model), and i absoulutly hated him. he was this jumpy bitchy person who thought he knew everything and tried to make me feel dumb. then i found out the real kicker, this guys an adict. and we're not just talking go to NA meetings once a week got the white keychain (i think that's the one you get when you've been sober for 5 years, yes i've been to the meetings, no not for me) recovering but pretty much ok adict. oh no i came into his life just as he decides to get serious about quiting.
ok so i'm talking to him, we're friends nothing serious. he gets sick we talk, he throws up, we talk. and oddly enough, i begin to like him. i mean yeah he's bitchy and feelin yucky all the time. but the real him starts to shine thru. he's so sweet and funny and he does this little head shake and rolls his eyes and pouts then smiles...it's...amazing how little things like that make you feel like your heart just stopped. so one night i'm hanging out w/ dawn and i get this call. it's daryn and he's telling me how he might go back to england and how this will be the best thing for him and i feel like someone has put a huge stone on my chest and it's broken my chest cavity and i can't breathe and my heart is like all not beating and i get mad and go "damnit you can't leave" and he's going on about how he should and i'm sitting in the parking lot of a publix in oveido freezing my ass off and i just go "no, i'm in love w/ you." so everything goes dead silent. then he goes "come stay the night" just in this calm sweet way. and i'm still pissed off so i'm like why should i go there? and he sounds all hurt and goes "i'll make you dinner" and i realize that this guy doesn't want to fight me and he's doing his best to apologize w/o saying he's sorry. so i go ok and i go over there the next day. we just kinda chill and everything, his son was there (he's so cute!). and later on we go to bed and it's so cool. i try to roll away and he's like no you're too far (in a full size bed) and just... everything that night was so amazing. (side note: i've come to realize that the majority of my friends think i've been around the block quite a few times. i haven't, the number of guys i've been w/ i could count on 1 hand and the number of guys i've dated i could count on 2. i'm outgoing, took me a long time to get that way, but outgoingness doesn't equal slutiness) anyway! so the next morning i'm like....on cloud 9. the birds are singing the trees are green, the sun is shining and for once i appreciate that fact. then, 2 weeks go by. we talk on the phone, but he's acting all shady. then he calls me one night and he's relapsed, so we fight. and this has pretty much been the cycle. he calls, everything is ok, he relapses, we fight. the last time we just kinda stopped talking because he was going thru dts and felt pretty shitty so we never got to talk. then, 4 months later i get this call. so i'm like, why are you calling me? and he goes, i'm like a stray dog. i keep coming back. so i say "well stray dogs always want something when they come around be it food shelter or just affection" and he says "well, i have food and shelter". and we talk for hours. i love him. i don't say that about a lot of people. i may think it, but i don't go around broadcasting that i'm in love. too much hurt just waiting to happen. but, he's locked in a room right now, going thru w/drawals, and....i do love him. i feel like crying now, i felt like crying 2 days ago when he called.